Support for the wife of a serial debtor

dumpy

Just seen this thread

Are you financially linked? Joint account or other joint financial products?

I have a similar "head in the sand" partner and we deal with it in our way which I can explain but if you are financially linked won't work for you.

BUT big hugs it's awful when this happens and causes no end of stress.

Broken_hearted

Well I'm sorry but your being an idiot bailing him out. My DH has the same mentality and is not allowed anywhere near the finances.

rustybucket

I don't think she's an idiot, I think that is harsh. She is married to the man and probably don't know the best thing to do.

donner_kebab

You have my complete sympathy...but a word coming from someone who knows you need to get this nipped in the bud NOW! I was in exactly the same situation a while ago with my ex...he didn't see it as a problem as used to spend like money was going out of fashion...I felt pangs of guilt just buying my daughter a chocolate bar as a treat and that loon would think nothing of going into John Lewis and coming out with goodies for himself such as a £1000 projector and did this on a very regualr basis! Me thinking he could change would pay off his debt giving him free reign to do it again the following month! Cut a long story short, he then done a vanaishing act and wiped me out completly leaving me with thousands and thousands of pounds worth of debt! I feel that you need to sit down and give him an ultimatium of sorts and try and get this behaviour stopped before you end up like me, in one hell of a mess! But I imagine he will only change if he wants to change...
Luv Kebabmeister x

bonnie_2

I used to be like you, until i wised up, he has now i think ,started to learn. His car packed up and cost £600 to repair himself so now he has no car, then he got an accountants bill which he can't pay. But he managed to buy an xbox 360 just after xmas.
I was fed up with having to pay all the household bills and debts out of child tax credit and my carers allowance and anything else i got. Then i sat back and thought what can they do to me answer absolutely nothing so now he has an xbox and no car heehe.
And he has to work every saturday morning to pay his credit cards debts as i refuse to do it any more.
I wouldn't like to say how much i have paid of his debts over last 12 years, whilst me and kids have gone without for his latest gadget but no more.
What a shame he can no longer get credit.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Donner, I was so sorry to hear about your situation. You may not think so now, but I thought thank god he left when he did, at least it will give you and your child a fighting chance of getting back on your feet. You sound like a strong women who will pull through and in years to come when he is very deep in debt and knocking at your door you'll see you had a very lucky escape.

All the best for the future, just remember every disappointment is for a good and good ridance to bad rubbish!!.

AMD

donner_kebab

Thanks AMD...sorry to the OP in case they think I am trying to hijack their thread! Just wanted to say to AMD that the comment you made meant a lot...I have printed it off and have put it in my bag (which I take everywhere!) so that if I am feeling down, I can re-read it and remember that anything is possible and that there are loads of amazing people out there...just like you :A
Luv the Kebabmiester x

johnbfan

Sorry not to come back before and say thanks to everyone for there words of advice.

Been trying to get a son's bedroom decorated.

Have got my debts under control and paying off as much as I can so it shouldn't be long before I am debt free, apart from the credit card I use to buy food etc and pay most off of it each month.

Have decided that I am doing no more for the OH, and have told him that his debts are now of a manageable amount if he does not waste money. So its down to him now. If he messes up in future he has to sort himself out. If he wants to retire in nine years time with lots of debts he cant pay that will be his own fault and his problem to solve.

Will let you know how things go.

LookingAhead

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone....my Mum is in the same situation with her husband, he's terrible with money, absolutely terrible.

They have separate accounts now and he has to pay money into her account so that the mortgage & essential bills are always paid. She has now told him never ever ever to come to her for her signature on anything financial as his schemes & borrowing are farcical and have taken them to the brink of bankruptcy (still might end up there).

It's hard for my Mum to come to terms with this as before she met him she brought me up & my two siblings, alone, and never had any debts even though things were always tight.

She believed him when he sold her his dreams for making money but over a period of about 20 years it's all gone...well....t*ts up really.

So, you're really not alone and you do the right thing in telling him to sort it himself. Keep the house safe and do not sign anything joint.

Good luck for the future & I hope he sorts himself out before long.

johnbfan

Hi - not been on for a while. Decorating and enjoying the weather got in the way.

We applied for his bank charges list, and got it this week, so now done a letter for the bank (hand in at his branch) asking for his charges back BUT he is still running them up (£90 a month) when I told him how much he had been paying as charges a week he could not believe it. Whether it will make any difference we shall see. I have told him not to come to me if he gets in trouble again (still mounting up the charges even now).

I've told him there's no money from me to him at all- full stop. He is on his own and will have to sort himself out now and if he can't thats too bad. I cant do it any more. I've got myself in debt because of him and my son and am going to concentrate on sorting me out. Got three credit cards and have nearly paid two off, and will then really concentrate on the biggest debt one after that. Gone back to paying for everything by cash (had to start using cards a couple of years ago when the OH went from weekly pay to monthly and then every two weeks on part time so we could manage, then paid it all off until he started getting in debt which caused me to. Now Im going to sort me out and I will do it too. No saying I will then back tracking for me.

Hope everyone is going well and seeing an improvement. Will let you know how it goes.