Surrogacy ?

LavenderBoy

Hey

Just wanted to know if anyone has ever been a Surrogate before or experienced the surrogacy process ?

I have been doing a lot oresearch recently and looked on various agencies etc and would love to know if anyone has been on this special journey before...?

elff

I did look into being an Egg donor though - There are loads of agencys everywhere my main convern was the amount of money the potential parents have to pay for the 'service'

It is a bit of a minefield i would proceed with caution and make sure you really really do your research.

LavenderBoy

Yeh I know what you mean it is rather full of 'ifs' and 'buts'.

But I think it would be very possible if the right people were matched together. Just think it would be very hard work but the end result would be worth it.

Also adoption too look into also. Thanks !

SqueekyMouse

elff wrote: »

I did look into being an Egg donor though - There are loads of agencys everywhere my main convern was the amount of money the potential parents have to pay for the 'service'

It is a bit of a minefield i would proceed with caution and make sure you really really do your research.

I believe that the UK only allows expenses to be paid to egg donors/surrogates, but that may be out of date information. Granted, the "expenses" can still be a huge amount of money, but I think it's a better system than the one which operates in America, where hopeful parents actually pay the donor/surrogate thousands.

I would be very wary of becoming an egg donor, since the chances of reproductive cancers rockets with repeat donation due to the drugs they use to trigger hyper-ovulation. (incidentally the same is true for IVF, but most women believe the possibility of a baby outways the risk of cancer. If you are donating eggs, you must consider if the altruistic act is worth it.

For what its worth OP, if you're thinking about being a surrogate you also need to consider not only the emotional impact of giving a baby that you have carried back to its biological parents, but the health implications that a pregnancy holds. While we all hope for things to be straight forward, not all pregnancies are and each takes its toll on your body.

LavenderBoy

I'm not wanting to be a surrogate, I was thinking of trying to find one

It is just a lot to think about before I enter into that world as lots of things can go wrong.

trying_to_stay_afloat

Hi
I don't very often post but I felt I needed to reply to this one. I offered to be a surrogate for a friend of mine around 12 years ago. It was very difficult to find someone to carry out the procedure as it involved ICSE as well. We found someone in Harley street and agreed to try 3 attempts. It is quite a complicated procedure and involves councelling prior to starting. The egg stimulation is quite traumatic and involves daily injections.
The actual egg collection is done under sedation and is also traumatic.
I tried 3 times for my friend and was unsuccessful. It put a strain on my marriage ( even though my husband was in full agreement) and I found the whole process emotionally and physically draining.
I did not ask for any money ( nor would I have accepted any as if you do this it must be for the right reasons)

The reason I am posting is to say if you do go down this route be very sure that you have discussed every eventuality with the surrogate as when I was unsuccesful my 'friend' dropped me like a stone as she was 'too traumatised to see me as it reminded her of the baby she could'nt have'

I was left feeling guilty, worthless and generally a failure even though it wasn't my fault. I'm not saying this will be everyone's experience and I wish you all the very best.
Good luck

LavenderBoy

I am really sorry to hear that

It sounds like a really awful experience. I would hope this was very rare and uncommon in the surrogacy world.

But as it is very emotional and such an intense experience I can imagine it can change people.

Thanks for your information ,

trying_to_stay_afloat

Don't get me wrong, I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I was capable ( too old now!)
I just wanted to stress how important it is to talk through every eventuality as we only talked about what would happen if I got pregnant, not if it was unsuccesful. If you find the right person it really can work.

SqueekyMouse

LavenderBoy wrote: »

I'm not wanting to be a surrogate, I was thinking of trying to find one

It is just a lot to think about before I enter into that world as lots of things can go wrong.

Ah, reading your second post makes that more clear now, sorry for assuming

I wish you all the best, it might prove to be a difficult path but I hope you are able to have a beautiful baby in the near future xx

LavenderBoy

trying_to_stay_afloat wrote: »

Don't get me wrong, I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I was capable ( too old now!)
I just wanted to stress how important it is to talk through every eventuality as we only talked about what would happen if I got pregnant, not if it was unsuccesful. If you find the right person it really can work.

Yeh I hope so ! But very good advice, Thankyou x

zcrat41

There were some really good segments on Woman's hour on Radio 4 on this subject in the last couple of weeks. MIght be worth a google to see if you can listen again as they were very informative.

Good luck whatever you decide.