Hoarding...not just on TV

Possession

I wonder what the difference is between hoarding and serious collecting? Yesterday we visited Snowshill Manor, a National Trust property which was owned by the collector Charles Paget Wade, and bought for the purpose of housing his collection. He lived in a tiny cottage next to it. He collected everything - more than 22,000 items - as long as it was made with good workmanship, and made a (rather gorgeous) model village and did many paintings as well. When the national trust took over they had to put lots of the stuff into storage as there was just too much to display. It's a lovely place, in an idyllic setting (near Broadway in the Cotswolds) but I couldn't help thinking he had rather too much time and money on his hands!
So was he a hoarder? He certainly didn't collect rubbish, but he must have shared an obsession for acquiring stuff. In the end he gave it all away to the National Trust though (5 years before his death) as he was spending most of his time in the West Indies.

GreyQueen

You're very insightful, Blossom.

Mum has been in mental hospitals when, as a young woman, my brother's birth triggered PND and she was admitted for nearly 2 months. She wasn't in too good a place mentally in the time leading up to that pregnancy. They gave her electroshock (this was the 1960s) and heavy duty anti-Ds. This was the terrible era when emotional pain was medicated up to the eyeballs and so many women spent decades in a chemically-coshed fog.

What Mum said about that time was that the anti-Ds didn't stop the problem, they just stopped you caring about it. She was on 2 powerful drugs and after a year, she wanted off, but the GP wouldn't stop it so she flushed them and went cold turkey and was fine. My parents have a very solid marriage (Mum is like me, arty and sensitive, Dad is rock-solid and unflappable) and Mum has often said that if she didn't have such a good husband, her life would have turned out very differently.

I'd lile to stress that the anti-Ds back in those days were a very different kettle of fish to the anti-Ds we have now. Several people I know use them and there is no way you could ever describe them as sedated or zombiefied!

Bearing in mind that Mum's early life was gawdawful, she made up for it later, and she gave brother and me a lovely childhood. Proof that you can, if given the right breaks, make good on a lousy start. Just such a pity that little children are still going thru such things.

lostinrates

My vacuums.....

I bought a new one as i mentioned, and asked my dad to hoover down stairs yesterday while dh and i were outside working. He did a beautiful job, and i was appropriately gushing.

I have found out this morning he has bought A NEW vacuum (a new miele) because he found the one i had bought insufficient. So now i have four vaccums. I Have told the men that one of the vacuums has to go. More hoovers than people is in no way excusable.

blossomhill_2

Learn to see it

I have needed to learn to see what I am looking at

Look for twins (or are you unwittingly harbouring triplets?)

Once I got strict about “a place for everything” I found 3 identical orange washing baskets (2 now freecycled) but no wonder “it” – the one basket I thought I had – seemed to be everywhere

I think this is common when you have bought one for you and one for Mum/Dad and ended up merging homes

Holy Grails

There seem to be a few of what I now call Holy Grail Items emerging amongst what I read here and see on TV progs about hoarders

Holy Grail Items – if only we could find the one perfect design !– until then we will keep on acquiring more

· Vacuums - as mentioned by LIR above (I have now found my perfect one and have three others going out – yay!)

· Sewing machines

· Scissors

· Lawn mowers

· Hats – my in-laws even have a pith helmet hanging in their hallway!

· Shoes – I think more the case with the comfies than the high fashion ones

· Format for audio visuals –CDs, MP3, iPOD

Remember - there was only ever one Holy Grail!

Buying Emotions

The main buying “emotions” are

· Ambition

· Ego

· Fear of loss

· Greed

· Health

· Prestige

· Pride (of ownership)

· Security

· Status

I reckon if you could identify which one is in play when you are browsing – you could eliminate most impulse buys

PS the “tent” behind the wardrobe turned out to “just” be a deckchair – we’d somehow managed to build a bookcase around it though but it is now OUT!

GQ – I envy your world free of suicide leaps from cupboards – but I am getting there – now when things leap from the cupboard they fall on clear ground not previous casualties!

Byatt

blossomhill wrote: »

Thanks Byatt, that's amazing, some real insight to think about. I have worked with people who grew up in Army families and have been amazed at their lack of attachment to things; it seems like constant moving had the opposite effect on you

You have made me think; I got very attached to certain clothes as a child, can recall being prised out of a favourite jumper (when nabout 3-4) and clinging to it as it dried on the immersion heater. I have a tendency to buy two of items now, for when one is in the wash LOL

I was also very upset when on my first day at work, my folks cut down our apple tree, without warning. It felt like "you're an adult now, you don't get to play in trees" when actually they probably never even thought any further than "let's get rid of the tree then we can have a new shed". I now plant trees like they are going out of fashion

I got to the bit in the Blog where the blogger explains how tiny his aunt was and how she must have shifted so much stuff - overnight I was thinking "what was going through that poor little elf's head?" and realised it was probably similar to what went through mine when I had to get a couple of divan beds downstairs for the council men "should really get some help with this...hey no I can do it myself...why have I started this without help...too late now, they wouldn't understand and would nag me for not enlisting them at the start"

Just a quick add on, when there has been major fall outs with family and there has been some major upsets, (not of my making, but that's a story for another time), I have got rid of all the stuff I was ever given by them, every single thing, If I could I would just hand it back to them in some grand gesture. When my marriage fell apart, I systematically did a major decluttter and got rid of so much stuff, including furniture perosnal items that related to the marriage. Again, I did the grand gesture of smashing some items of jewellery and giving them back to now ex...

Soooooooo, really complicated emotions

Byatt

I want to say a big and emotional thank you for all the personal stories shared. This thread has helped me more than any counselling. I want to give you all big hugs too.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

blossomhill_2

Byatt - You have been through a lot, emotionally draining - I am looking forward to the day when your signature says more than "just tired..." maybe "finding my energy again..." or "do you know what, I think I am starting to get somewhere..."

Possession

Sounds to me as if Byatt is already starting to get somewhere!

blossomhill wrote: »

Byatt - You have been through a lot, emotionally draining - I am looking forward to the day when your signature says more than "just tired..." maybe "finding my energy again..." or "do you know what, I think I am starting to get somewhere..."

Cat501

Hi guys

Fascinating posts as always. I was struck with the bit about making friends and being able to shrug them off - I find the shrugging off part way too easy. It makes me feel like a really horrible person

And the old-style anti-Ds - After 12 years of trying every SSRI, SNRI, and a couple of TCAs, I'll be moving onto an MAOI soon:eek: Plus psychotherapy and CBT from a psychologist (my CPN is fab but I'm looking forward to really trying to get to grips with things, hard as it will be). I am NOT looking forward to the dietary restrictions (I love me strong cheese!!) but if these are what's best for atypical depression - and they apparently are - it will be worth it

I took the day off yesterday (flipping wine!:o) but I've pledged to sort through the final 3 boxes in my bedroom, and find 20 books I can take to the charity shop by the end of today.

The books are going to be hard. I can see some that I'll never read - but some of them were part of a gift from DDs about 5 years ago - you know those boxed sets you get with 6 or 8 books by different authors but all of the same genre? I feel so ungrateful and mean and I'm actually welling up just thinking about getting rid of them - not that they'd EVER notice - in fact they've probably forgotten they gave me them - but I know.....:(

Triker

Great thread, been catching up today.

My dad's a hoarder, lives alone in a three bedroomed semi detached with huge garage, all full to bursting.

I've had words but I understand that he's comforted by things so don't want to upset him too much. He was adopted and I can see that his early experiences have resulted in a real disassociation with people.

Attachment issues seem to be a biggie here.

However on a personal level I have been attempting to contain my 'exuberant collecting' as I prefer to reframe it as, :rotfl: for many years.

I have made many inroads and have charity shopped, freecycled, given away and dumped much....but there's more to go.

Luckily I am going to be working part time soon and am really looking forward to getting rid, in whatever shape or form it takes, much of the excess.

However, in a twist, I have been collecting food for my armageddon cupboard so we have supplies in in anticipation for my reduced income.:o

Love your post Blossomhill re the Holy Grail, so true, just counted up my 40 Kipling bags...realised that I have been looking for the Holy Grail in that lot, will be whittling them dowm to a managable 5 I think, maybe less.

Cookery books, same, far too many so they will be donated after a ruthless declutter.

Clothes, reckon I wear about 5% of what I have...the rest can go.

Kitchen equipment, my major weakness, again had a clear out and they are awaiting ebay wonderland to help with my financial clawback for some of the initial outlay.

Shoes, again have far too many, so they will go.

I'm with the feng shui principles, we need space to think and flow.

Good luck with your de-hoarding folks.

I'll be ringing my Dad soon to let him know that I'll have the time soon to get over to visit him and help him declutter, I'm sure he'll be delighted!:eek::D