Hoarding...not just on TV

blossomhill_2

Do you know what - I used to read to get to sleep, read loads in the day and watch TV huddled up among my piles of things - since decluttering I just put my head on the pillow ...zzz... and go out more, go away for more breaks, have lost weight, meet more people, am more spontaneous, move more freely, barely put the tv on ...

alec_eiffel

JoJo, the scissors brought a little smile to my face. I can't remember exactly how many I had in total but I know I had 12 pairs of nail scissors then lots of other pairs I justified keeping because they were all for different purposes.

I understand what you mean about the amount of stuff not making her thing "there's too much" if I'm honest I didn't see lots of my junk. I was so used to stepping over things, not being able to get into a room, having piles of things all over that it was how the house looked. For a long time there was no idea that the place should look any different because that's how things were.

I'm thankful that Dh stood back and no-one else tried to help me as I believe I would have had an angry reaction to that. Along with being unable to let things go I have always been on the one hand a perfectionist and on the other chronically disorganised. So my family would just say "oh that's just alec". I just don't think they could appreciate (and why would they it's not normal) how deep into my mental stuff it went.

Wading into the classics debate at the other end of the spectrum, I chucked away 3 copies of Jane Eyre a couple of weeks ago. Felt good, never going to read it (and certainly not three copies), don't care what happens, hasn't hindered me for this amount of time I'm sure I can limp along for the rest of my days. And anyway, the library exists should I reach an end to the books that I actually have an interest in!

blossomhill_2

alec_eiffel wrote: »

Along with being unable to let things go I have always been on the one hand a perfectionist and on the other chronically disorganised

I think alec that you have summed up quite a few hoarders in that sentence - and we need to learn to let go by slackening off the perfectionist side a little

Yes we could have perfectly arranged photo albums - but hey! Whatever! It is actually quite fun bringing out a box of old photos among friends over a drink and flicking them around and rediscovering them in a random fashion

I have thrown away some things recently that I have immediately had a need for in my "new life" - but am able to shrug it off and think "whatever" because this new life wouldn't have been possible without ditching some good with the bad - if I have to rebuy them it was just the price I paid for the new life

If you whittle down to a couple of mugs and then have so many friends over that you haven't enough to go round and have to laugh it off - surely that's a good thing? Better than sitting isolated by cupboards full of mugs! I used to go to friends who did so much Sunday roast for so many visitors that the host ate his out of a pan lid and his wife ate out of a casserole lid - did anyone care - you guess, it was great!

alec_eiffel

I think had it impacted on my social life then it would have been harder. But I don't live near any of my friends so other than meter readers and workmen no-one really needed/wanted to access the house. We very rarely (even now) socialise at home so it's never been a factor - other than finding something to wear in order to go out in the first place. And you know, this didn't bother me when the house was a state so it could never really motivate me to change - I thought this was how things were so the thought of things being different or better wasn't something that existed in my mind.

I've never had an issue with practical stuff like not having enough cups because once I could see the difference between junk and things that actually are useful and useful in my life then I could make good decisions. When I couldn't tell the difference between the usefulness of an old jar and a chair it was impossible to have any clarity.

I don't rely on this as much as I used to but when I started sorting everything out because there was so much mental stuff to deal with I just had to employ some rules. And it didn't matter whether I wanted to do them or not I just did them - I didn't have enough brain space to engage with the things as well as myself. So I had lists and followed them without questioning it. The dining table is for eating, it is not laundry storage, a library, a recycling bun, a shelf or a place for hobbies to live - is that how the table looks? If yes, well done, if no find the things that are wrong and deal with them. It really was as basic as that, defining the role of things helped me to make the moments of clarity last a bit longer.

lostinrates

Yep, i definitely identofy with the fraught and failing perfectionist.

I notice after we do a job...whether its something in the garden or the house dh always says, 'this looks good!' and is happy. I say. 'we-ell, it looks better anyway'. What a terrible attitide, but i do genuinely think things look better than bad but not good. Its inevitable, we live ina wreck.

When dh's cousin lived with us, she used to say 'its, ok you know,to go to bed with the housework not done' and laugh at how neat i kept things. I know though that i think better when things are ...done, and cleanable. In a tidy sitting room, (hmm, its not too bad the sitting room) it takes fifteen minutes to do a decent 'set fair' and a lick and a promise, and not more than an hour to really clean it. In a messy horrid one, it takes a day. For us, the tip to messy is too easy. I get very dispondant. I cannot imagine how it would be with kids.

wannabe_sybil

I, too, can feel my mother's voice, 'if you can't do it properly don't do it at all.' It isn't helpful.

And I always see the flaw, the tiny bit missed, the little mark, the one small thing that knocks it back. It is very hard.

Working on 'good enough' is hard. Also, I say that instead of doing all the ironing, I do ten minutes, because that is ten minutes more than nothing. That is a breakthrough for me.

Not doing so well this week, but will keep on keeping on.

alec_eiffel

Working on "good enough" is really hard but it's possible. Imperfect doesn't mean bad, doesn't mean something isn't fit for purpose, isn't beautiful, isn't liveable. Perfect creates problems too - worrying about keeping things perfect, it means things don't change, it takes time and energy, it lacks the joy of being spontaneous. It very probably doesn't exist and is certainly over rated.

Possession

I think 'perfect' can be the opposite side of the coin to the hoarding and become just as much an obsession.

alec_eiffel wrote: »

Working on "good enough" is really hard but it's possible. Imperfect doesn't mean bad, doesn't mean something isn't fit for purpose, isn't beautiful, isn't liveable. Perfect creates problems too - worrying about keeping things perfect, it means things don't change, it takes time and energy, it lacks the joy of being spontaneous. It very probably doesn't exist and is certainly over rated.

thriftwizard

I'm definitely aiming for "better" not perfect - I only have one lifetime to get there in! But suddenly it is starting to look better - you can see daylight from one end of the garage to the other & there's a bit of room to sort Ghastly Pile 3 out now, and even some sensible places to put some of the contents. More stuff has gone off today - two lovely rugs, that were probably worth a fair bit, but I simply didn't have time/spare cash to get them properly cleaned; let 'em go. Several more bags of fleece, to a craft group who are going to do felting, and a scout group. Another largish item sold this morning & has been posted off already. A big bag of florist's baskets, that I was keeping to do Christmas hampers of HM goodies, is being picked up later. But I got them last year, and couldn't find them when I needed them! Let 'em go; if I want to do it this year I expect I'll be able to find some more.

Onwards & upwards - again!

Valli

and if you list on ebay and use vintage in the title it helps
assuming it is vintage that is :rotfl: