Hoarding...not just on TV

Molly41

I too am very attached to books. When I was a practising midwife (I am now retired on ill health) I had every book possible and this was safety blanket library. Every book I used. I sold them about two years ago as it became obvious that I would not return to practice I made a lot of money on Amazon and that is a good place to sell books as it is so quick to list.

I am replacing that hoard with other books now on quilting and more recently cook books :eek:

Still no real progress for me as hubby is still renovating our spare bedroom). Hopefully then our storage system will be put to good use.
Gentle decluttering later today as there is a pile of unopened mail by the door.

blossomhill_2

I've been thinking about this thread overnight
I hope some of my thoughts are helpful - I really am someone with hoarding in my blood but am getting it sorted fast as I am determined not to leave problems for the next generation

I had the chance to reassess things recently and a bit of time on my hands so have made real progress - I put a price on my clutter and my time - here's how

I have 3 lawnmowers, each needs specific blade refills and works less than 100% - I recognise that I will never have the time or energy to sort them out so have found a man at £8 an hour to look at the three and let me know their condition/potential and usefullness. I now spend my time wondering why these 3 items that are draining my energy and taking my space are worth £8 an hour. I recognise that I would be better off freecycling them as "condition unknown" and either paying someone £15 to mow the lawn or £90 for a new mower

When considering my stuff, I look for "added value" - eg the dictionaries mentioned above have "added value" as they belonged to a relative, whereas a plain old dictionary doesnt.

My "divan base greenhouse" will have added value as every time I use it I will feel smug that I made it, that it is just the size I wanted and wasn't imported from China - so my time was worth it and if I "pay" myself £8 an hour, it was well worth £16, and saved me time dealing with the council for disposal and searching for a perfect mini greenhouse.

blossomhill_2

One tip I read years ago was helpful in dealing with things that favourite people have given you and you find hard to throw out

Remember this: it is a token of their love, not their actual love. So in throwing out a token, it's just a token, not their love that you are throwing out. I struggled to throw out an address book a late relative had given me - then thought of this and almost heard them say "for Pete's sake, it's just a Woolies address book!"

They have never given you things to become a weight round your neck and to stop you living a life.

Likewise tickets from dates - did your love date a spontaneous person or one surrounded by clutter that was bringing them down? Wouldn't they rather recapture that person than have them hoarding restaurant bills or gig tickets?

blossomhill_2

Thrillho wrote: »

Clothes are another issue. I keep some clothes because I feel guilty if I haven't worn something or if it was a present. It's like if I haven't worn something for a while I feel sorry for it so plan to wear it again then never do. I need to be very honest and go through my wardrobe

I was very lucky recently in finding someone who had lost a lot of weight who was asking for clothes in my size on freecycle. I picked out good stuff I hadn't/barely worn, rewashed it, ironed it, packaged it up nicely and let them collect it - tidied the hall so we looked like the sort of people they wouldn't mind having 2nd hand clothes from. I could have eBayed them, or CS'd them or made money from them, but doing this spurred me on to the next stage, and was in fact priceless. Added value.

Good luck with your wardrobe - might find a few moths in there too eh?

If anyone's keeping anything in case they lose weight, bear in mind that if you were to you would want the latest fashion to show off in, not something from the back of the wardrobe (should mention that my freecycler was still losing weight so just wanted a change of clothes until weight stabilised!)

GreyQueen

blossomhill wrote: »

I long ago identified that hoarding came from loss (loss of a person, loss of a previous life, previous home, previous marriage, wartime rationing, loss of time from working long hours etc) and apart from the professionals methods, think as an amateur declutterer it is important to convince the hoarder that the items can be replaced easily in the future

Those that can't are the ones to keep - eg carrier bags go out, photos of lost relatives get kept

:j Yessss!!!!!! This is IT. Concise and the best description I have ever read of the causes of hoarding.

blossomhill wrote: »

That is how I was! Or just didn't answer. One tip - don't wait for it all to be perfect before you do it, or you will be too old to enjoy your friends, Make sure the kettle is gleaming, cups are clean and milk is coming from a clean fridge, then if you have to move a pile or two for them to sit down it won't matter. If you feel a little embarrassed then use that to help you gain the determination to improve for next time

I'd describe myself a clean-but-untidy, and a particular pal as likewise. If I go around her (very small) house she's prone to apologise for the mess. That's OK, I quip, I'm not your mother! I'm very happy to shove a pile of Stuff to one side of the sofa and to have a cuppa, even if I wash our mugs out myself. My attitude is thus; I have come to see my friend, I have not come to look at her decor or criticise her housekeeping. If I wanted to look at beautiful room-sets I could visit the department stores or borrow a book of wonderful interiors. Except they're of no interest because they haven't got my friend in the middle of them.;)

Thrillho wrote: »

Another thing I collect is train tickets if I go somewhere for the weekend with my partner. I suppose that I see them all as paper memories. It is silly as I remember all the places we have been anyway and have got photos from most places on my hard drive but I am scared to throw them out in case I forget what date we were in such a place.

I buy an A4 hardcover diary each year, the kind with a week-to-view, and use it to keep track of my doings. I tend to stick special tickets into the diary as well, so that by the end of the year it becomes more than a diary, it's also a scrap-book, and an account book (I choose the kind with a monthly tally-sheet for income and expenditures). It has a list of books I've read that year and various other bits and pieces. It's compact and I often find myself referring back to look for something. It always raises a smile to find a ticket for a place or an event among my scribbles.:) And when I'm dead and gone, they'll be easy enough to dispose of.

In my region we've had several fires which have involved the total destruction of homes. Sometimes the householder was away but sometimes they were elderly people who died immolated in their hoarded belongings. It's a horrific thought. It's becoming such a frequent problem that the fire service want social services to try to identify hoarding households ahead of time so that they can be given fire safety advice.

I once attended a talk given by a fire officer and it was an eye-opener, to say the least. The additional stuff (decor and packaging) that we have in our homes at Christmas creates a significantly higher "fire load" in the average home. Can you imagine how much danger is caused by hoarding? He also said that a very common place for electrical fires to start is in the loft, where they can get a purchase very easily. He always has a smoke detector in his loft at home, and I advised my parents' and they have done this too. I'm in a flat so lofts aren't part of my life.

Today I am at home waiting for my new fridge. The old fridge still works, but has been limping along at 10c for a year and I can't find anyone to repair a 12 yar old fridge. Trouble is, it is still in immaculate condition so to me it feels "new". Surely there is someone out there who could re-purpose the salad drawer or use the shelves or use it in a shed for vermin-proof storage? If I had outbuildings, I would be seriously-tempted to keep it myself but I don't. So the company is removing the old one when the new one comes, for a small fee. I thought about offering it on Freecycle but if no one wanted it, I would be stuck as I can't take it to the dump on a bicycle.

Trouble is, I feel as if I'm "murdering" the thing. Hoarding, it's like the dark side of my personality, always threatening to peep out.

alec_eiffel

blossomhill wrote: »

I've been thinking about this thread overnight
I hope some of my thoughts are helpful - I really am someone with hoarding in my blood but am getting it sorted fast as I am determined not to leave problems for the next generation

I had the chance to reassess things recently and a bit of time on my hands so have made real progress - I put a price on my clutter and my time - here's how

I have 3 lawnmowers, each needs specific blade refills and works less than 100% - I recognise that I will never have the time or energy to sort them out so have found a man at £8 an hour to look at the three and let me know their condition/potential and usefullness. I now spend my time wondering why these 3 items that are draining my energy and taking my space are worth £8 an hour. I recognise that I would be better off freecycling them as "condition unknown" and either paying someone £15 to mow the lawn or £90 for a new mower

When considering my stuff, I look for "added value" - eg the dictionaries mentioned above have "added value" as they belonged to a relative, whereas a plain old dictionary doesnt.

My "divan base greenhouse" will have added value as every time I use it I will feel smug that I made it, that it is just the size I wanted and wasn't imported from China - so my time was worth it and if I "pay" myself £8 an hour, it was well worth £16, and saved me time dealing with the council for disposal and searching for a perfect mini greenhouse.

Hi,

I think your posts are very insightful and very clear.

Your points about recycling were spot on imo. So many folk, not just hoarders are paralysed by the fear of things going to the right place. When you can always find a rationale to keep something the fear of recycling is even stronger.

My house is tidy now, but I love reading this thread, it's nice that everyone here has support to go through the process. It's something we have to do ourselves but don't have to do alone.

aliasojo

blossomhill wrote: »

One tip I read years ago was helpful in dealing with things that favourite people have given you and you find hard to throw out

Remember this: it is a token of their love, not their actual love. So in throwing out a token, it's just a token, not their love that you are throwing out. I struggled to throw out an address book a late relative had given me - then thought of this and almost heard them say "for Pete's sake, it's just a Woolies address book!"

I have an old diary belonging to my Mum (who died over 20 years ago).

In it was all sorts of notations about my wedding (we got divorced years ago) and I cheerfully forget I ever had anything to do with him, but Mum was very ill at that time and died a few months later, so I keep it for that reason.

I feel very disloyal somehow to even think about throwing it out. Nothing in it means anything to me, it's all just rubbish about remembering to phone Auntie X to see if she's coming and stuff like that but it was pretty much the last thing Mum did.

Unlike you, the voice I hear is saying 'oh look, how nice that you kept that after all these years'. :rotfl:

I don't even know where it is, I never look at it. It's probably in a dusty box somewhere so it's daft really.

I cleared out a lot of stuff a few years back but I'm aware that I have a lot of things here that are unnecessary and not needed. I know I feel better when I'm not cluttered, but instead of getting rid, I organise it. With matching boxes from Ikea. :D

Absolutely, 100% agree with the recycling comment btw.

aliasojo

GreyQueen wrote: »

:j
Trouble is, I feel as if I'm "murdering" the thing.

I know EXACTLY what you mean. :rotfl:

GreyQueen

The fridge has arrived.

And I let the old one go with all its component parts except the ice-scraper, which I have saved. It is a small sop to my hoarder-ish tendancies and will be easy enough to dispose of if I have second thoughts. The nice men from J Lewis have unpacked outside and taken all the packaging away, too.

As I ushered them thru to the kitchen, I quipped that I'd taken up minimalism as a hobby but haven't got very far with it yet (untidiness being explained) and one of them quipped that he wished his wife would and told me how much stuff they have stuffed into their home and garage.

It's the universal human condition, at least in the developed world, it seems.

Re recycling, I have difficulties with this as I was raised that wastefulness is up there with the Seven Deadlies and have a very Green set of values which cause me absolute agonies of conscience when it comes to disposing of stuff.

I recycle whatever can be recycled, although we don't have doorstep recycling here I drop stuff off at the bring-banks on the street on my way to work 2-3 times a week. Never let more than a bagful accumulate at a time or I start to get twitchy. Some other stuff has involved creativity. I once spent a few minutes with a screwdriver dismantling a knackered stainless steel and plastic Russell Hobbs kettle to remove the element and the plastic from the steel body so the steel could go into the recycling. It might be eccentric but it made me feel good. I suppose there are worse things I could be wasting my time on...........

aliasojo

Tell me there is no point in keeping brand new unopened sim cards if they have a sign on the back that says' activate by May 2010?

Will they really not work now?

I have many.