Hoarding...not just on TV

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Brighton_belle wrote: »

If he also occasionally washes up, he'll outstrip DH so maybe I shouldn't have been so hasty...

Well, if it involves the plate some panfried trout has sat on for five minutes.......



Actually, he's beginning to grow on me. I might just have to keep him after all.

You missed your chance. So there.



(But if he lands on my ribs again tonight in chasing the old girl over my face en route to the windowsill, this offer may be reopened............)

Patchwork_Quilt

I can hardly keep up with this thread!

However, I heard a terrible story the other day, so sit back ... A young friend of mine knows someone who has started up a dog grooming business and needs old towels. 'Oh,' says young friend's Grandma, 'I've got some.' She kindly turns up with two bin bags full of perfectly nice towels for the dogs. 'It'll give me a chance to use the ones I got for a wedding present,' she says.

Which means that the 'best' wedding present towels have been 'saved' for fifty years, give or take a two.

I thought this was mildly funny/a terrible shame until I realised that despite the Awful Clear Out that has been going on at our house for the whole summer, I have rather a lot of wine glasses. Then I realised that we have in fact been using the very cheap wine glasses we bought in quantity for my 40th in preference to the 'best' cut-glass ones we were bought as a wedding present.

Which is mildly funny/a terrible shame. Guess what's going to the charity shop at the first opportunity? If we have another big party, I can always rent or borrow.

In other news, I finally managed to sort through the last of Mum's possessions in the old house this week, despite coming across a surprise hoard at the bottom of a wardrobe of some really important documents and a bag of 14 purses, 13 of which were new.

Mum bravely sorted out two purses that had enough pockets for her and we put the rest in the cs bag.

The possessions are now all boxed, labelled and out of the house. Poor Mum, her blood pressure is apparently sky high. However, it is done and we can both relax.

After reading this thread and talking to Mum about keeping things, though, there was one more conclusion.

Mum's generation, having been brought up, sometimes, with absolutely nothing, can't see that passing things on to people who have less than themselves is important because they are still, in their minds, the people who have nothing or are at risk of having nothing.

Also, Mum's generation can't see that buying less uses up fewer of the world's scarce resources because when they were young, there was no focus on being eco-friendly.

I hope this helps someone having problems with a family hoarder. It's emotionally wringing but thank you again to everyone who is honestly sharing their journey and helping people like me to tackle theirs.

wannabe_sybil

Brighton Belle - I think I got a bit random about presents (I'm not as random as you think I fish) as I am still running a bit of a temperature. I think we do deserve to be nice to each other, but for me it was getting something I liked and that wouldn't add to my problems (like hoarding). tbh, the tea sounds a wonderful idea and I may steal it.

As for little bear, he is so much his own person. Especially after reading about the problems others on this thread have had with contact with their children, I feel really privileged. Even when he is throwing an absolute wobbler about getting rid of a duplicate book. I really hope that it hasn't upset anyone, and I am really grateful for help in approaching things for little bear and the way he is holding on to things.

I think little bear feels a sense of loss. He asked about grandparents, and he only has one living grandparent unlike most of his friends at school. He is often really distressed that he can't love physically the grandparents that have passed. If he overhears cat stories about cats that have died, he gets upset that he can't actually stroke them now. I think that little bear is clinging on to things because of this sense. So I am doing as much as I can to cuddle and reassure him, and he has been very open to a certain amount of change for his room. Bearing in mind how many of us hoard because of loss or scarcity, I am trying to make him comfortable inside and deal with the decluttering in a logical manner and involving him. He accepts logical arguments, but is better at negotiations than I am. We have made progress and he is now okay with getting rid of blankets. I have managed to get some more packed up and ready to go - but I think I won't let little bear find out about those.

Jojo - all cats are evil. Some are more evil than others, some hide it better than others, but all cats are evil. Evil cat allowed darling father about five minutes before her paw was sneaking up to hook something from his plate - and he lets her! According to the vet she is too frail to manage to climb up that way! I am glad your boy is keeping you entertained! He sounds absolutely wondeful. Okay, I admit it, I would love kittens, but it would be cruel at the moment to creaky old evil cat to get [STRIKE]some[/STRIKE] one. Our previous cats are known as malevolent cat and psychotic cat. My experiences with cats have been a bit mixed.

Whitewing - I think you are so right. I think (could be wrong here) that as we work out what is going on as we post on this thread, we don't need to buy/keep so much stuff. We can have nice stuff, we can keep useful stuff. And getting rid of ten tonnes of [insert sweary words here] makes space for one or two nice things, and it is okay. I am not ashamed I will be buying a new lamp and getting rid of a fully functional one as the current one does not match the wastepaper basket. This thread has helped me be aware that as soon as the new lamp comes in, the old one has to go out straight away or I am lost. I must not not not keep it 'just in case'.

I have written another swathe here, so will finally shut up except...

Jojo - have you seen the cartoon 'Get Fuzzy'. I strongly recommend it as it has some lovely dark humour. Thank you again for starting this thread Also, once evil cat lost one of her canines we used to call her trident as it was really noticeable.

Brighton_belle

Aw Sybil -I promise, little bear sounds a wonderful little boy and it is a joy to hear about him and your loving caring relationship as you help him navigate some of life's difficulties. I love hearing about his imagination and your storey telling.
Please keep sharing about him, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside:)
I hope you feel a little better tomorrow - I am frequently poorly myself so you have my every sympathy with how draining and wearing it can be and to pick up the threads of life again, including de cluttering. I think it was brilliant to think of things for presents that wouldn't add to your clutter -shows how we are all changing our thinking about 'things'. And also not all our friends/family can cope with the idea of 'no presents', so sometimes we can to cater for their needs too as long as it is in a way that doesn't negatively affect us.


I bought a wonderful new little gadget for cutting runner beans this week, works like a knife through butter. Tomorrow I shall take the old one to the cs. It is only titchy - about 2 inches square, but I know longer need it and it is taking up space in my cutlery drawer And someone else can be making use of it so it goes.

iwantanipod

Lostinrates:

Your two cats are not old yet at 8 years; ours are nearly 14, 10, 9, 7 and 3, with a pair of 4 month old terrors who are just "passing through". If you are able to care for more, do try and get a pair of kittens as your girls may not take kindly to being mauled by lively babies. Of the five adult cats we have, only two are officially ours, the rest are rescues, but of course they are all treated the same, spoiled rotten, DH having to give up his chair when requested, and me perching my ample rear on the arm of sofa as the rest of it is taken up with sleeping felines.

I am an avid reader of this thread and, although I haven't posted before, have been helped tremendously by people's stories. I feel I have now been given permission to donate my late sister's belongings, with just a slight feeling of regret. I am gradually working through my [STRIKE]midden[/STRIKE] living room/bedroom/cupboards, and tonight filled two charity bags so feel elated!

Sybil - I feel you are a friend, along with LB, and Evil Cat, whose exploits I follow carefully on your blog. I am a "follower" but with a different name on there.

Thanks to one and all.
Mary
xxxx

Byatt

Sybil, I hope you feel better soon and the temperature goes down, even a slight rise is very unpleasant. You haven't upset me talking about Little Bear's attachments, in fact it has helped me see how far back my sensitivity goes as well as being able to feel how I felt then. When you are a sensitive child you absorb so much more than people realise and you also "feel" it. It's a gift and a curse I think, and you are doing a fab job of helping him deal with those feelings. So many times people minimise what a child feels.

I have treated myself to a nice whisky, and also bought some roses that were on offer. Normally I don't do that, quite happy to do it for others, but not usually for myself...so something new for me.

Talking of cats, one I cat sit for is an absolutely gorgeous cat, beautiful to look at...he comes straight to me, purring and twining round my legs and I stroke him happily...then out comes the paw with claws fully extended, and scratches my arm! He does it every time, and every time I'm sucked in!

edit Hi iwantanipod, waves...and Sybil has a blog?!

BB, I agree with everything you say about little bear and Sybil...I feel like a great aunt, I already imagine how he looks...my heart is lost to him.

I've spent most of today curled up in the feotal (sp) position but reading Jack Reacher...I hate the horribleness of depression.

wannabe_sybil

iwantanipod - lovely to 'see' you! I hope all is well!

(feeling a complete fraud for posting when just packed a few blankets ready to be taken)

Byatt - I am glad you like hearing about little bear. I try and cut down how much I boast about him, he is so dear to me that it is hard to rein myself in. I also appreciate all the insights. We all do the best for the ones we love. I am lucky at the moment, little bear is five and relatively easy. I know you and others haven't had it so easy, but you all have tried. Jojo started this thread because she was trying to do her best, after years of provocation, and to do the right thing. All anyone can do is their best. Thank you - and everyone - for helping me to do better for little bear.

I hope you enjoy the whiskey!

Lostinrates - evil cat is eighteen, old in sin, experienced in the ways of feline felony. Malevolent cat passed at age 18. Psychotic cat passed at 12, but that was partly because of the neglect he had before we got him. As Mary said, 8 can be young. Mind you, some cats don't share well, and malevolent cat seemed old and crotchety even as a kitten, so you know best. I am really envying Jojo's lad. Next door's Oscar is around 8 and seems quite in the prime of life. I swear if he put on a ginger wig he would be mistaken for the Essex Lion.

I need to go to sleep. I still have the hangover as well as the temperature - I had one glass of wine! - but after a day of being half asleep I am now wide awake. I need a new body clock.

lostinrates

iwantanipod wrote: »

Lostinrates:

Your two cats are not old yet at 8 years; ours are nearly 14, 10, 9, 7 and 3, with a pair of 4 month old terrors who are just "passing through". If you are able to care for more, do try and get a pair of kittens as your girls may not take kindly to being mauled by lively babies. Of the five adult cats we have, only two are officially ours, the rest are rescues, but of course they are all treated the same, spoiled rotten, DH having to give up his chair when requested, and me perching my ample rear on the arm of sofa as the rest of it is taken up with sleeping felines.

I am an avid reader of this thread and, although I haven't posted before, have been helped tremendously by people's stories. I feel I have now been given permission to donate my late sister's belongings, with just a slight feeling of regret. I am gradually working through my [STRIKE]midden[/STRIKE] living room/bedroom/cupboards, and tonight filled two charity bags so feel elated!

Sybil - I feel you are a friend, along with LB, and Evil Cat, whose exploits I follow carefully on your blog. I am a "follower" but with a different name on there.

Thanks to one and all.
Mary
xxxx

Oh yes, i know they are pt old yet, but they will be when any kittens we get are their age iyswim. And yes, we would get a pair. We have been back and forward over this for a couple of years now. . We just cannot decide if its worth rocking the boat here or not you see.

valk_scot

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I could Fed-ex a [STRIKE]little ratbag[/STRIKE] simply adorable :whistle: young boy cat to you instead? He only lies in wait for you on the stairs and grabs your feet as you go past. And pokes his paws and claws through the hole on the top of the kitchen steps when you happen to have your behind sat on them at the time. And only launches himself nearly into the washing basket on the top of the radiator, but drags it back off the top onto the floor with a crash and pinning himself underneath it in the process.

So absolutely no trouble at all. And he only falls off the windowsill about ten times a day.

One owner from new, slightly shop soiled, 11 months on the clock, just one broken fang as a result of falling over or running headfirst into a wall for the 15th time.


[NB: No refunds available. Stress levels may go down or more likely up with this gift. Errors, omissions and outright lies about the psychotic little beast excepted]

I've got one of these, except he's only eleven weeks old. Absolute nutter, spends his life pouncing on everything that moves including our two lazy grown up cats that want to do nothing more than lie around in sunbeams. He never, ever stops...except when he wants a cuddle and then the purr gets switched on and he comes up under my neck, makes himself comfy across my boobs and goes to sleep purring his little heart out. He's a real sweetheart and I'd forgive him anything at that point.

whitewing

I have learnt that they will be 'do nothing' days when decluttering. This is sometimes because of external depression, or illness, or overload of emotion. Sometimes you just need a bit of time to adjust. Some times we don't have time due to other responsibilities. I also found instances where I was nearly getting compulsive with reviewing it. My DH point blank refused one day to go thro DS' wardrobe because he hadn't grown at all since the last time they did it.

Mine has now slowed because there is less stuff and the stuff that is here, mainly virtually every piece of paper associated with DS growing up as I got into scrapbooking but didn't get a clear enough space to do much of it. I have about 7 big boxes of stuff, plus bits scattered around as DH got to a point where he just put it out of sight, if he was tidying to 'visitor standard'. I kept boxes in roughly chronological order, always intending to catch up.

I was surprised the other day when I saw DH showing DD her albums (which are pretty much up to date). I was surprised because she is so young - toddler - but really enjoyed looking at them. DS is quite a bit older than her, and other than recent photos in frames, none of his younger stuff is accessible to her. I am really, really tempted to hire a storage space for a couple if weeks or a month, take DS' boxes over there, spread it out into piles, and then sort into seasonal categories like 'birthdays', school photos. I am confident that I would only be scrapbooking a small fraction of the stuff, but also confident that I would let go of the rest. My scrapbooking technique has developed over the years so I can be fairly quick and focussed. Hiring storage space for a finite time would mean that I could leave it part finished and take up from where I left off - something we don't have the opportunity to do in our open plan house. That is how I expect a storage facility to be, although I have never been to one in reality. Do they temperature control them or would one freeze to death in winter? Anyway I don't expect this to happen anytime soon so don't hold your breath, but I will keep turning it over in my mind. Again, I think it would help me create something positive out of some bad previous situations.

NB Filling up storage space and hoarding more stuff is not what this is about. It is about enjoying the stuff that you have, and making it accessible to share.