Hoarding...not just on TV

euronorris

Byatt wrote: »

Sybil, I don't have room to store anything, so have sorted through the bowls and kept the ones I really like, and the rest are in a box in the car, along with some of the casserole dishes, ramekins, and a few things I've already forgotten! Tomorrow I will sort out jugs I have. edit to add: I have collected pretty/useful boxes too, never filled them, always intended to. I did sell a few when car booting for 50p each I think. I also have baskets. (I don't think there are enough blushing smileys!)

What is it with pretty boxes? I used to snap them up left, right and centre and then get them home and realise I had no use for them! So I put a stop to that one a long time ago, but still have an internal argument with myself whenever I see a pretty box.

Same with nice notebooks - I've limited myself to one, hand made to order, copper one now, which I've started to fill with my favourite recipes (and also current body measurements as I've just started healthy eating and exercising again). It's refillable too, so longer lasting than my other ones. But my oh my, the guy who made them regularly posts pics on FB of his new items and some of them are sooo nice! I want them, even though I know I have no use for them! I have, so far, managed to resist!

euronorris

For some reason I couldn't see the pics that were posted in the links. Not sure why. Probably my laptop settings or something. But I could see the pics you posted in the posts themselves.

I don't feel so bad about my kitchen now. It can get a bit messy and cluttered, but I do clean and tidy it regularly and we don't have that much kitchen stuff.

Still, I could do with getting rid of some more as we have such little space available to begin with.

Florenceem

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Just to show what was facing me:

The living room. There's a full size door to a cupboard, an armchair, bureau and drinks cabinet under there.

http://pbckt.com/pA.OCdfPt

The bathroom
http://pbckt.com/pA.OCdzd1

The BATH

http://pbckt.com/pA.OCdk4n



Sometimes you simply cannot hold onto a single thing as there isn't room for it. Just get rid.




ETA: I've got a suggestion; any posters who are unsure whether they have crossed over into unhealthy hoarding could pop a photo or two up here. I'm suggesting this as I'm following the same reasoning as seeing a photo of yourself from the side can bring home that you have put on too much weight to be healthy and provide the impetus to do something about it, whether it's being aware, asking for help or dealing with it yourself.

If anyone wants, for fairness, those of us who are relatives/partners of hoarders, like me, can also post pictures of our own homes. It's not about humiliation, it's about seeing things as they really are.

Perhaps even some before, during and after photos would be good? To show things can change?

I hadn't been to my Mil's flat - she didn't take to her DS remarrying. She didn't like me. When I did go there - Mil was in a care home after an op. Her social worker said - flat had to be made safe/suitable for Mil - who was going to be in a wheelchair. Mr F opened the flat door - after warning me - it was terribly cluttered - unfortunately - I didn't take photos in it's raw state. The whole place was full, cluttered and filthy.

Mayflower10cat

Byatt wrote: »

Mayflower, I know when my place is tidy and oragnised (and it has been in the past) I feel better. Is your partner under stress? I know I used to buy stationery when stressed, the amount of post-it notes I have would fill a small shop!

Yes, Byatt, he was at his most 'acquisitive' when he was coping with depression some years ago. And coincidentally, he is very fond of amassing stationery, even now. Pens, I could open a stall selling only pens! I see it as a sort of 'Linus comfort blanket' behaviour dating back to being very unhappy at boarding school in the UK whilst his parents moved to the middle east for his fathers job. And also, not having a great relationship with his graceless, rude father, even now. But he's not the only one!

calicocat

Right , I have just dropped car off to be fixed , so have no excuse not to do something as no transport. The more I have thought about this overnight the more I reolise I do have lots of 'stuff' I don't use. I have 3 suitcases of material as I used to make quilts and cushions.....haven't done that for years but keep it 'just -in - case , and get scared that if I throw it out I will 2 months later want to use it. I have a 'tower' of videos in the hall that I don't watch , waiting for something (not sure what !?), do people watch them anymore or are they for a bin? I could put those in the bin right now.
I will try my 'jeans tower' on and see what fits..........but what if I lost some weight (am trying at the moment) and I have chucked out perfectly good clothes ! Also , are people throwing stuff in the bin or keeping for other people (seems such a waste) as I think that if I had it waiting around for a while it would end up back with me.

This is actually quite anxiety provoking:eek: .........but , here goes ! I shall have a go.

BitterAndTwisted

The sight of That Woman's bathroom made my flesh creep. I think it's fair to assume that she doesn't/can't bathe with all that carp in the bath?

You really are best out of it, Jojo. She doesn't want your help and she doesn't deserve it either. Once she gets her marching orders from the landlord it's all going to be "Oh! Woe is me!" isn't it? I should change your mobile number now before all the calls start coming.

Byatt

JoJo, thanks for sharing pics, if I get brave enough I will post a pic or two...
love your puss-cats, we had a tabby called Mitzi.

Is anyone having weird dreams parallel with their decluttering...? Well, perhaps not weird, but relating to their "issues". Mine is ex related.

Norris, I'm the same with notebooks...

Mayflower, I have to avoid WH$mith...and Papercha$e...I have enough writing pads etc to last me a lifetime.

Calicocat, I am giving to CS's or recycling centres. I almost gave to my DD but realised I was enabling her cluttering instincts as she would say yes to anything I offer. As for wanting clothes in case you lose weight, well, unless it's a classic or you really, really love it, I think items can be easily replaced and it's likely you will waqnt something different anyway. You could offer videos on Freecyle/Freegle or CS.

It is anxiety provoking, and that's why you have to do it in stages and not be too hard on yourself. Maybe think, I'll do this for 10 mins, and often you can do more, but even if it's only 10 mins, some progress is made and all those 10 mins add up over the week.

serious_saver

I really feel for you. I come from a family of hoarders.

My grandmother lived in a big house and she only kept it clean by moving her hoard from one room to another, rotating it around the house. My parents are quite bad for it. Again it could be worse but they just about manage because they live in a big house too.

My dad has a massive dining table in the hallway that has never been used (because they already have a perfectly good dining table, that gets uncluttered a couple of times a year). I recently got him to throw away some VHS tapes but he had to personally check through them all despite the fact they had been sealed in boxes for over 5 years without a second thought. There were over 400 of them and we had a lot of the films on DVD!

My sister is a chronic hoarder but she doesn't seem to have any emotional connection to her hoard. However she can't throw anything away and every time she moves house I end up clearing up after her.

My MIL-to-be was really bad when I first met her. She's managed to improve, mostly on her own, with a bit of a nudge from us. Her house is reasonably tidy now (the vacuum comes out each time we visit) but she still can't get it clear enough for us to do necessary maintenance work. Incidentally (and ironically) she used to work as cleaner.

The worst part is that I spend so much of my time trying to sort out other people's homes that I never have time for my own flat and I can gradually see if filling up from the corners. Every couple of weeks I manage a blitz but it's very disheartening.

The hoarders TV programme has actually been godsend. It was the way I managed to get my dad to clear out the VHS tapes. There was some great advice about focusing on one thing at a time. My mum has now bought a heavy-duty shredder to get rid of paperwork that dad wouldn't throw out. He's paranoid that someone will steal his identity if anything with his name and address goes into the rubbish (even junk mail). Hopefully we'll get there one step at a time, as they really need to sell the house and move somewhere smaller and easier to maintain.

Florenceem

calicocat wrote: »

Right , I have just dropped car off to be fixed , so have no excuse not to do something as no transport. The more I have thought about this overnight the more I reolise I do have lots of 'stuff' I don't use. I have 3 suitcases of material as I used to make quilts and cushions.....haven't done that for years but keep it 'just -in - case , and get scared that if I throw it out I will 2 months later want to use it. I have a 'tower' of videos in the hall that I don't watch , waiting for something (not sure what !?), do people watch them anymore or are they for a bin? I could put those in the bin right now.
I will try my 'jeans tower' on and see what fits..........but what if I lost some weight (am trying at the moment) and I have chucked out perfectly good clothes ! Also , are people throwing stuff in the bin or keeping for other people (seems such a waste) as I think that if I had it waiting around for a while it would end up back with me.

This is actually quite anxiety provoking:eek: .........but , here goes ! I shall have a go.

I am making a pile of the stuff to Ebay - once it is on that pile - that's it - no changing mind. The CS stuff - I have a carrier bag - put it in there - when full Mr F drops it off at the charity shop when walking the dog. I am only binning - well putting in the recycling bin - card and paper.

whitewing

Florenceem wrote: »

I hadn't been to my Mil's flat - she didn't take to her DS remarrying. She didn't like me. When I did go there - Mil was in a care home after an op. Her social worker said - flat had to be made safe/suitable for Mil - who was going to be in a wheelchair. Mr F opened the flat door - after warning me - it was terribly cluttered - unfortunately - I didn't take photos in it's raw state. The whole place was full, cluttered and filthy.

Maybe it wasn't that she didn't like you, but that her DS was bringing someone new into the family circle, and that was making her uncomfortable as she couldn't provide a family home that would not embarrass her son. She may have felt she was letting him down and it was easier to not acknowledge you that confront her own issues. Part of the denial.