Hoarding...not just on TV

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

thriftwizard wrote: »

Thank you, whitewing, that's another lightbulb moment - it's not just me, then! And I hope your shadows recede rapidly in the face of your onslaught on the shelves.

That is a genuis remark, Thrifty.


The clutter creates shadows for the bad things in our lives to hide away in. Everytime we move something that has outlived its usefulness, one of our shadows scuttles by and frightens us, so we push a load more stuff in front in the hope that our shadow can't come out and scare us even more.

But eventually, there is so much stuff, the shadows can't stay in the corners and cupboards anymore - and they creep out of an evening, when you aren't paying attention, maybe even dropping down in front of you or even appearing on the back of the sofa right behind you. And you're scared to tackle the piles because of all the shadows you are scared to unleash. And you still add more stuff onto the piles in the hope of stifling those shadows. But they are still there, hiding in the things you hoped were bright and shiny and nice enough to scare them away.


But one day, you decide enough is enough. And you start tackling those corners. And gradually, over time, despite all the scuttling, creeping shadows running around as you work, the ones that just appear in front of your face and make you jump or squeal, you realise they aren't going to hurt you, they're more scared of you. And as you take away places for the shadows to hide, they fade away in the brightness.


And you are free again.

SpikyHedgehog

valk_scot wrote: »

You've not got an awning up by any chance, or awnings on other caravans nearbye, or tents? The detergent in bubble mixture will ruin the waterproofing of a cotton canvas awning if the bubbles touch it and given an awning can cost several hundreds of pounds you might get some pretty irate neighbours. Keep the bubbles for the beach or park, not a campsite. Yeah you may see other kids using bubbles but that's because their parents don't understand either, there will be someone after them in a furious temper soon enough.

Thank you, Val! I didn't know that, so will pass that onto mum. We've not got awnings near us, but I've just told the boys to all be careful. I'm guessing it's the same for canvas tents too? 1 of mum & dads big tents is canvas. (The DSs & I estimate my parents have at least 4 tents...)

Byatt wrote: »

Hiya guys, just a post to say I'm dealing with emotions around a family member who being in her 60's is likely to be officially diagnosed with dementia. I am just now sorting through all the paperwork so I can get an overall picture of what needs to be paid etc...and it goes back to the 70's. I have already filled my recycling bin with rubbish, envelopes and such.

The thing is, is it possible to be a tidy hoarder? There is stuff everywhere, in bags, boxes, you name it, but it all looks tidy, it's not until I look inside a bag or box, that all the carp shows itself. Her home is immaculate though.

Mine at the moment is looking worse than ever. I know my sorting of her stuff is my coping mechanism, if I'm "doing" something practical then I don't have to think, there's a lot of my past tied up with this, and it's come out of the blue. Totally heartbroken. I've had about 2 seconds of tears and then I harden up again.

Anyway, that's my news...thank you for the hugs. Take care of yourselves and well done on all that you're doing.

xxx

I'm sure you can be a tidy hoarder, my grandparents' house always tidy, but they had so much stuff boxed up & tucked away. (((Byatt))) please make sure you take care of yourself.

whitewing wrote: »

Before we packed up for recycling yesterday, I called a friend and said that she needed to have a whirl around the house and get what she could together to take to recycling. She has mismatched crockery and glasses from other relatives/church jumbles that has accumulated, all chipped or cracked and not worth a bean.

While she was finding a box to put them in, I counted! 68 items all now gone, as well as our stuff. She was pleased and we are spurring each other on.

MIL gave us a basket tray thing that can be used as a fruit bowl in the kitchen. So that is 3 plastic containers that can go.

I also saw in the argos catalogue that they have everyday value white dinner plates, bowls and tea plates that are (I think) dishwasher safe for £4.99 for 12 pieces. I don't really like the bowls, but am sorely tempted to by a set or two and finally chuck out all the unmatching stuff that is a result of 20 years of mindless accumulation, and breakages. That would have the added advantage of discouraging me from keeping/getting hold of other stuff.

Am reading and being inspired by everyone's posts.

I am having a lot of weird dreams lately. Not specifically hoarding/decluttering but related to childhood or ongoing issues. Am also having some weekly counselling sessions. Felt so heavy today that I almost couldn't be bothered to get out of the shower. I would have been worried, but I know this sort of feeling cycles now, so will just ride it out. Will be watching the closing ceremony later and am looking forward to that. This is the first time ever I have been interested in the Olympics. Loved Mo Farah last night, and have been willing on Team GB all day.

When we got married, we chose a pattern of Denby china & got some bits, plates, side plates, mugs & place mats, with the notion we'd get bowls etc as we went along. Only of course there was always something else to spend money on. So when Errant Husband left, the boys & I were left with various bits of different china, some chipped. I got a cheap set from Mr S that looks good & has bowls. The only thing is, it isn't as durable as the Denby, & when it breaks, it cracks with very sharp cracks & I've cut myself twice...

Byatt

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

That is a genuis remark, Thrifty.


The clutter creates shadows for the bad things in our lives to hide away in. Everytime we move something that has outlived its usefulness, one of our shadows scuttles by and frightens us, so we push a load more stuff in front in the hope that our shadow can't come out and scare us even more.

But eventually, there is so much stuff, the shadows can't stay in the corners and cupboards anymore - and they creep out of an evening, when you aren't paying attention, maybe even dropping down in front of you or even appearing on the back of the sofa right behind you. And you're scared to tackle the piles because of all the shadows you are scared to unleash. And you still add more stuff onto the piles in the hope of stifling those shadows. But they are still there, hiding in the things you hoped were bright and shiny and nice enough to scare them away.


But one day, you decide enough is enough. And you start tackling those corners. And gradually, over time, despite all the scuttling, creeping shadows running around as you work, the ones that just appear in front of your face and make you jump or squeal, you realise they aren't going to hurt you, they're more scared of you. And as you take away places for the shadows to hide, they fade away in the brightness.


And you are free again.

and...a genius post, very visual, very eloquent.

SpikyHedgehog

sjprmc01 wrote: »

Well despite finding it that bit easier to get rid of most types of things I still feel very overwhelmed. And it seems I keep 'sorting' and discarding from the stuff that is actually tidy rather than tackling the piles that ar under/on kitchen table and bunkers and all over the trolley thing we have in the livingroom or the piles on all bedroom floors it's like I genuinely don't know where to start with that and end up moving it from one spot to another to back again. . And even more annoying is that I sorted out all the paperwork (well the stuff that was at the computer desk) and the desk itself and once again everyone else starts piling !!!! back on it. We now have anti bac spray insect repellant sun cream 2 cameras super glue a spoon a dominoes dip various bits of toys.....and that's all I can see from where I am. None of the stuff is mine, I don't use the desk (or the comp, really). Grr! Everything has a home but it's like no one actually puts the stuff that is sorted back where it belongs!

I keep taking all the stuff off the dining table & off the tumble dryer & off the desk, & it keeps creeping back on... But I have seen that it is getting less each time, so we are making progress, & as I tackle stuff
I find homes for things instead of them ' going here for now...' & get rid of other stuff.

If anyone is hanging onto swimming costumes for when their weight has changed, don't! I've thrown away 2 cossies that have gone horrible & baggy & were actually the right size for me. 1 more to try on - part of the problem is that they look ok till they get wet. So I have bought a bikini in the sale at Mr T to replace the 2.

I've been using up the mini shower gel etc too. I did buy shower gel the other day as DS2 had packed his almost empty bottle, now finished. Went to a zoo today & came back with a car & giant pencil (with sharpener!) for DS2, & wind up key ring torches for DS1 & me. Hmmm... Something I need to work on. We'd taken photos so there was no need for souveniers!

VJsmum

Spiky, we don't call them souvenirs. We call them "tat" - and we don't need anymore tat!

I collect 2 types of souvenirs / tat. I collect carrier / reusable bags from foreign supermarkets and christmas tree decorations. Cheap (tho I have just bought one back from the US for $15!), light, there is a place for them and every year I remember the places in which they were bought. I have never yet found a use for a giant pencil!

Thro a combination of circumstances OH didn't come to the US with us but he has worked wonders on the garden. HOwever the house is pretty much as I left it 3 weeks ago. My task is now to get deRicharding with gusto. Lets hope gusto doesn't want to keep anything.

Oh and we came back with yet ANOTHER souvenir (natch!) refillable cup that saved me a fortune in drinks in a theme park but the kids wouldn't let me chuck.

oldtractor

I sometimes wonder where it all comes from----stuff. I've had a sort of lightbulb moment. Most dont really need much stuff at all. I've set about decluttering big time, and it wasnt /didnt even look cluttered. Theres all sorts in draws and cupboards "just in case". Theres clothes Ive kept because I like or because they were expensive but dont wear. Why? They have gone to the charity shop. At least that will do some good. I am also running down my store cupboard of clothes and cleaning stuffs. 2 weeks supply is plenty.
From now on anything bought will be of very good quality only and then only after much consideration as to whether its suitable and required.

smileyt_2

Proud to report that I refused some tat today :j. My housing association is having a 'hate crime awareness' week and has produced jigsaws, badges and those plastic/rubber bracelets and I refused every single one. Even though the bracelets were rainbow-coloured and had a lovely message on them ..... What would I do with that stuff? It would just go into my 'basket of cr*p' to be thrown out next time I sorted through it.

whitewing

Fantastic post Jojo. It was so right..

Got my tesco value dinner sets, and they are in the cupboard all clean and fresh and matching. They're perfectly serviceable, so we'll just have to see how long they last. Have a huge pile of mismatching plates, bowls and tea plates for recycling. There must be 70 pieces at least. I rescued some naff ones from the previous occupant of the house, loads of them. Why? I'd never have bought that design.

Glad I looked through the pile though as somehow I had two of my relative's posh tea plates, from the service she is hoping to sell.

And now I need a drum roll. I went through the medicine cabinet, and have filled a small carrier bag with out of date medicine (mostly over the counter stuff, I hasten to add, but a little bit unused from pregnancy) and vitamin piils. So that will go to the chemist for safe disposal as I can't bring myself to dispose of any other way.

I also chucked a million manky boxes of plasters. 1 kept 1 pack. We last used plastery things when Amy Winehouse died. (DH had to go to A & E as the cut was quite deep and that was on the TV).

The oldest medicine cabinet item dated back to July 1997. Why did I keep it? We always bought new medicine anyway as the cabinet contents shifted alarmingly when we opened the door.

Probably out of everything in the kitchen, and really stupidly, the medicines had so much emotion attached from who I was living with when it was originally bought and also from nursing an ill child or an ill me as a single parent and desperately wishing for someone to share the load. One box of tablets reminded me of the time I was so poorly with fluey stuff I couldn't get out of bed. Hours later when I dragged myself to the kitchen there was a covering of rice krispies all over the sides and floor where DS had tried so hard to make his own breakfast even though he was too young really.

It's so good to have the cupboard virtually empty and strangely I feel more in control and prepared, because I can see immediately what I have. Plus we have the NHS so even if circumstances are dire, the children will have what is needed. Thank goodness for the NHS. I feel very grateful.

whitewing

smileyt wrote: »

Proud to report that I refused some tat today :j. My housing association is having a 'hate crime awareness' week and has produced jigsaws, badges and those plastic/rubber bracelets and I refused every single one. Even though the bracelets were rainbow-coloured and had a lovely message on them ..... What would I do with that stuff? It would just go into my 'basket of cr*p' to be thrown out next time I sorted through it.

That reminded me of another thing that I bet some of you lurkers do.
I always would buy a badge or bug or something to support a charity. But I would not dream of just giving the value of the goods as a donation. "Value for money" philosophy, although I don't actually remember anyone telling me I had to buy it.

So, if this is ringing bells with any of you, you have our permission to give donations without having a material item to show for it!

blossomhill_2

whitewing wrote: »

Probably out of everything in the kitchen, and really stupidly, the medicines had so much emotion attached from who I was living with when it was originally bought and also from nursing an ill child or an ill me as a single parent and desperately wishing for someone to share the load

Amazing, I'd have never thought of this, but oh so true! And wrapped up with the emotion of what it was like to have to wrap up a sick child and go out at night to the 24 hour chemist to get Calpol or Dioralyte ...
...not stupid at all whitewing