Joint finances - question Re: more-one-sided big purchases

Tiddlywinks

Hockeynut wrote: »

It's not like I have a personal allowance, as we just use it together now, as we are in this together. So I'm interested in hearing from other people who use a similar method, as to how you go about any bigger more one-sided purchases?

No 'personal allowance'? Therein lies the problem!

We keep all of our finances separate and have divided the bills up - I pay some, my OH pays others and broadly they are proportionate to our incomes. We also each pay an agreed amount into a regular savings plan in individual names (to be tax efficient).

I have never wanted to go down the joint account route as I like to have control over the surplus once the bills and agreed savings deposits have been made. That means I can be as frivolous or as self controlled as I want with no repercussions.

It also means that my OH can spend his excess on anything he wants too.

Guilt free spending or saving - no worries .

TheConways

rpc wrote: »

If it's shared money, it's shared money.

If you want, and can reasonably afford, the speakers then you should both be able to agree to buy them. Likewise when she wants something.

Trust and communication are essential - I don't track my wife's shoes or clinique, she doesn't sweat about computer games and gadgets. Big purchases are discussed beforehand, but if you throw your money together jointly you have to trust each other to manage it.

There are some purchases I want to make, but am delaying because it would eat into our contingency money. There are other purchases that I want to make, but won't for the same reason, that she says I should buy myself. Oddly, she is trying to get me to buy something I want and I am resisting - but we each understand the other point of view so there are no problems.

You sound just like my husband and I; you have to trust each other with money. I bought myself a lovely handbag and fountain pen recently for a fair amount of money, and my lovely husband never complained. I will remember this when he wants something special.

To the OP: think about what you would do if she wanted to spend 600 pounds on a new, let's say, food processor - when you would be happy with a 100 pound one. How would you feel, and what would you do?

Separately: I would focus on clearing the debt first if you can (ie, if there are no early repayment charges)

sooty&sweep

Hi

Are finances are totally joint and we don't have personal allowances. To be honest we trust each other not to abuse the joint account.

Do you have a birthday coming up ? If so could they be a super duppa birthday present ? To be honest thats what I'd do with something like that for my OH.

Otherwise within your budgets could you agree a monthly allowance and save yours up ?

Jen

zcrat41

If you have debt, a new mortgage and the possibility of starting a family in the next year I wouldn't even dream of spending £600 on speakers.

My oh and I have a joint acc that we both put money into for bills and keep our salaries separate. However, when our baby arrives in 2013 we are going to pool everything.

We think as a couple anyway, he is investing a massive amount into a business project early next year which means we currently have no money. When it pays off (hopefully!) he won't mind if I spend £600 on a handbag because 1) I have supported him emotionally and financially through the lean times 2) we'll be mortgage free, debt free and I wouldn't dream of spending it unless we could afford it.

Talk to your finacee - see what she thinks.

Hockeynut

A lot of very interesting responses, thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I can't keep up!

To those who question the purchase of £600 speakers when in debt, it was just something which posed the question about this kind of thing in the future rather than right now, but made me think as I would like them at some point. So whilst we are only just over a month into this new way of doing our money, it seemed like a good thing to address, then we know how it'll work before it comes up properly in the future.

We had had enough of trying to split the bills equally or near equally, someone always lost out and it was a lot of overhead. I can't imagine trying to continue with that system, too much admin!

To those who have personal allowances, do you also have children, have you ran that system during times when one partner isn't working, or is on Statutory Maternity Pay? If so how does that work out for the one who is bringing in way less income because of carrying/caring for the baby? That was one of the single biggest reasons for us choosing the way we are doing it.

We are in this as one, what is the point in being together otherwise. If she wants something clearly extravagant then within reason I have no objections. I believe in buying quality things once, not cheap ones 2, 3 or 4 times. Plus if I come up with something that is a waste of money, then she usually acts as my 'stupidity filter'.

During our first month of doing this my FW (Future wife. hehe) saw a dress which she loved, but expected it to be too much. So she tried it on, loved it and I had no issue with its cost despite it being over £100, as she has nothing like it. As normally it's all I can do to get her to buy something new, she was dieting before, and while she was dropping dress sizes she usually went to charity shops, as buying £80+ jeans for £1 was great, plus she didn't want to buy stuff that would be the wrong size a few weeks later.

Mara69

DH = Darling or dear husband.

My husband and I mange our finances by having separate accounts. I pay all the bills out of my account, my husband pays me an agreed monthly sum, which is his share. Therefore, if we wish to make any personal purchases we can, once we have met our obligations. This is also means that anything spent on each other remains a secret.

We split the cost of large household purchases such as washing machines etc.

Gigglepig

Time to think like a good husband and dad, and do what's good for your family, those days of reckless/credit spending on personal items/interests may be over...

I'm sure you can reach a compromise on the 100 or 600 speakers, and even better not buying any until the debt is clear.

Typically I do not suggest any expensive personal purchases and neither does my OH. Some times we insist on an extravagant thing for the other person, because we know it is important or fun for them, but we do not insist on something expensive for ourselves.

Mojisola

Hockeynut wrote: »

To those who have personal allowances, do you also have children, have you ran that system during times when one partner isn't working, or is on Statutory Maternity Pay? If so how does that work out for the one who is bringing in way less income because of carrying/caring for the baby? That was one of the single biggest reasons for us choosing the way we are doing it.

We have everything in joint accounts but our spending habits are very similar and we always discuss any big spends. We don't mind the other one knowing what we've spent on presents because we're usually buying something the other one has asked for so they know how much it costs. We've had periods when earnings have been similar and others when one has earned more than the other.

If I was starting out again I would think about having a joint account for joint spends and separate personal accounts with an equal amount paid in to each every month. The amount would vary from time to time depending on who is earning and how much is left over after bills and savings are accounted for. That allows flexibility for periods of sickness or maternity leave or one of you staying home to look after the children.

Mara69

Hockeynut wrote: »

To those who have personal allowances, do you also have children, have you ran that system during times when one partner isn't working, or is on Statutory Maternity Pay? If so how does that work out for the one who is bringing in way less income because of carrying/caring for the baby? That was one of the single biggest reasons for us choosing the way we are doing it.

This is why we have all the bills coming out of my account. My husband earns less than I do and has had periods of unemployment. When he was unemployed I paid for everything. Now, as I earn more I pay more. Basically, it is balanced so that once the bills are met we have roughly the same disposable income.

I find that retaining my own account gives me (and him) independence; once we have paid the bills we can 'waste' our money on whatever we like without censure from the other.

ALIBOBSY

As a family of 6 I think it would have been impossible for us to work the finances over the years without being joint finances. When we first moved in together I earnt alot more than DH, within a few years he was on more than me and after the first baby I went part time, then after the second on a carreer break for a few years, then back full time for 3 months and part time again until baby 3 was born. I am now a full time mum (working on a few money raising ideas at home and hoping to go selfemployed soon tho). DH has been full time employed then redundant, on benefits,then self employed, then on temp work,then full time then redundant again, on benefits and now going back to self employment. Would have been incredibly hard to deal with all that and the changing budgets with separate accounts. Different at the start of a relationship, we had sep accounts to start with, but once you are fully commited ie mortgage,kids, marriage etc I think its easier and makes more sense to combine things. Its a partnership after all.