How to split Rent costs with Partner

euronorris

Yes, I went back and saw the post and then edited mine

The SAHP option is something that OH and I have talked about at length. Both of us would love to be a SAHP, and we both prefer the option of one parent being at home until school age, but as OH earns more than double what I do, it makes more financial sense for that person to be me. He was also worried about still being expected to do this, that and the other. But I have assured him that, IF I was a SAHM (it depends if we will be able to afford it), then I would consider it my 'job' to look after the house and baby(ies), so that we can all spend quality time together in the evenings.

We caught an episode of Supernanny US at the weekend, with a SAHM and a Dad working 60 hours per week. You would not believe how little that woman did around the house or with her kids! He was working all those hours, and still having to do the majority of the housework, as well as trying to get the kids to bed. Supernanny laid into her about that one. Had the woman in tears, but I think it was the wake up call she needed before her marriage fell apart.

Both ways can work well for families. It all depends on what they want and agree on.

londoner01

As others have said, it's one of those situations that can vary wildly from one person to the next.

If I were the higher earner I would consider the following factors:

- can I really not live on the £1,100 a month for now and save or invest the extra money for whatever takes my fancy later: whizz the lower earner on a holiday, save it for buying a place, investing on holidays

- is the lower earner a lower earner because of choice / constraint, or because of laziness? If it's "their fault" that they're earning less (for instance not turning up for interviews for better jobs, turning down better offers) then I would be more careful about them potentially getting a free ride. But if they've chosen a job they are passionate about despite it paying less I wouldn't hold that against them!

- is the situation likely to change in the future? Thinking about how you would behave if you were to buy a house may help you think what you want to do now

There's various ways of arranging it - I know of couples (and even pairs of friends keen on living together!) where the higher earner pays the rent and the lower earner pays the bills.

You could see it in a similar way to when you're looking to move in with flatmates with different budgets: how much would you each be willing to spend on rent, with some idea on what kind of property you'd be expecting. You can then find a property that fits your needs on that basis.

thegirlintheattic

We split rent and bills roughly proportional, except shopping which is half and half. My partner earns significantly more than me but has lower outgoings so pays a higher proportion of bills/rent. My OH could afford all of it himself so doesn't mind - in fact has told me I can pay nothing - but I don't feel right about that. He still has more spending money than me but we don't mind, that means that big expenses are often paid more by him than by me.

We are not married and do not have joint finances. We both work full time and are professionals but my pay is on a scale, so I'm never going to earn as much as him.

I think it is up to the couple what works for them, especially if one partner feels they are being taken advantage of. If paying 50/50 means one partner is living in near poverty and the other is splashing the cash then that is not a partnership, it's flatmates. I think you also have to look at the future - what is going to happen when you have children? Is one going to stop working?

Trixi

I like 50/50, but I am the lower earner by quite a bit. I wouldn't mind either way if I was the higher earner, but as it is I don't feel right if I'm not 'paying my way'.

Person_one

DylanO wrote: »

It went in peaks and troughs but it's generally nearly equally balanced.

My mum took about six month's off with each of us, and went back to work because she loves her job. She's not cut out to be one of these little women who sit at home and let someone else provide for them. I can match you barb for barb.;)

You know, my mum would never have been happy being a housewife either, but despite the fact that she's equally hardworking she earns less than half what my dad earns.

I'm glad they believe in the 'all that is mine I give to you' bit from their wedding vows.

LannieDuck

I think it depends on how that place was agreed at.

If the higher earner really wanted to live somewhere else, but has given up that for somewhere that the lower earner can afford, I would go 50/50.

If it was somewhere the higher earner wanted to live, but the lower earner can't afford, I would go proportionate.

If both are happy in the house, I would go proportionate.

I think what I'm saying is, if you're a couple, you talk about these things and take account of each others' feelings in coming to your decision.

teafiend

I paid proportionally with my ex, and it worked well for us. Now that we're divorcing I'm wondering if perhaps, after ten years together, it was weird that our finances were still basically separate apart from a joint account that paid the mortgage and bills. I was the lower earner and we paid in proportion, but I saved a large proportion of my disposable income so I was the one putting the lump sums down for the house deposit and holidays and so on.

Just a thought. As others have suggested, how about they pay 50/50 and the higher earner agrees to save the difference in their salaries? I can see that there are some real issues with the lower earner's financial track record, that I would be very uneasy about, if I was the higher earner. You don't want for that person to be living beyond their means because they're subsidised all the time. But equally, you don't want them to be resentful because the higher earner has a great lifestyle that they can't join in. So how about you set a six month trial period where you both live the frugal lifestyle? At the end of six months, if the trust is there and the lower earner has managed to pull their weight, maybe you can both enjoy a little holiday out of the savings, and then move to a 60/40 split or something? And if the trust keeps growing and the lower earner gets the hang of money, you can gradually become proportional if that's what you want to do.

It has to be be what's right for your own relationship. That lower earner is going to need a lot of support in becoming financially reponsible. But it doesn't have to be done through subsidised rent. It could be done by empathising and living their lifestyle for a while instead. Just a thought.

sandrakay

It should be around 50/50 because everyone should have equal rights, in future you wont be having any problem.

rdchick

I earn just over £1000 pcm and my boyfriend earns just over £3000 there is not a cats chance in hell we could 'split it 50/50' as I would be skint! It's definitely got to be in proportion otherwise it's unfair... I pay about a third of my wage and he pays around a third of his and we're pretty happy with that xxx

rita-rabbit

Tricky
I earn a tad more than my partner BUT he often undertakes additional work for income & is like a squirrel with his cash: considering alot of my expenditure as unnecessary (a person only needs a few garment - yes even women & they can be sourced one a year max) - we have argued about things like luggage allowances on budget flights (I will have it - I'm a woman who needs 2 take stuff & am happy to pay the extra). Having holidayed together a few times now - whilst I admired the saving made in short term roughing it (weekends) I will now insist that hotel stays of a week or so include at least half board in the package to avoid long jaunts to the cheapest supermarket & slaving over a hot stove (followed by arguments about washing up as himself would happily live on sandwiches to save money abroad & saying, well you chose to cook).

I don't know we will ever pool our finances totally - his face drop at my reduction in working hours (4.5 days work & 1/2 day at college with additional volunteering in evenings/weekend to undertake study for new career) - quickly forgetting that his statement about alternate household chores (he can't cook/isn't interested in learning) substituting it with "you like cooking & cleaning more & my standards aren't as high as yours".

Sorry for rambling - 50/50 housework - is often a myth between women and men (didn't happen with my parents despite their many years of discussion/sulks etc both parents worked full time but Dad played cricket Sat & Sun most of the summer as he needed relaxation!) - hence the increase in employing cleaners once you are under the same roof -
thankfully it was my flat to start with so I retain my bargaining power.