Going back to work full time - guilt :(

zippybungle

How about doing something like your full time hours over 4 days? and maybe your Mum have your son on one of the days that you work. Then you would have a full time wage, but only pay for 3 days childcare.

Childcare is usually the biggest expense for working parents (I work 4 days a week and have 3 Kids)

Zippy x

Turtle2010

Hi All

My mum adores DS, she takes him on a Wednesday all day, so that does help massively....kinda why I turn a blind eye to the constant criticism and put downs. Hubby's folks aren't in the best of health (mum has spina bifida / epilepsy / narcolepsy) and although they would love to take him, I know they couldn't and at this age when he's in about at everything and on the move, he'd knacker her out! Plus they live 40 odd miles away and only have a one bed cottage with two german shepherds, one of which I am NOT happy to be around him. We have a dog, so it's not that issue, it's just that one of them is a tempremental so and so....a yanked tail, DS would lose his face. The other would let DS ride him like a horse lol

As the day has gone on and i've had time to think, I KNOW i'm making the right decision for my little family. It'll be hard, but worth it in the end.

Mojisola

Turtle2010 wrote: »

I'm no stranger to her complete disregard in anything I do, i've never been good enough, never will be. I've never heard a positive word from her, not even on my wedding day or when I gave birth to my son. The negativity is draining but I deal with it, what else can you do?

I know family child care can be good but I wouldn't leave my child with someone who has never found a good word to say about her own daughter!

carefullycautious

I was lucky in a way as I did not need to work until my children were school age and then I had to go out full time which was a terrible shock to them. We had a very good child minder but it was hard

I worked full time for 8 years and it nearly killed me due to the travel involved however, it kept us solvent. I was then able to go part time and ultimately get a job back home which I love as it means no more travel.

If I had my time again I think the children would have settled better if they had been going to the childminders from babies.

My mother could not accept my working full time but I had no option so would just grin and bear the comments. She gave up in the end.

Hope it all works out for you

Mojisola

Turtle2010 wrote: »

My mum adores DS

Mojisola wrote: »

I know family child care can be good but I wouldn't leave my child with someone who has never found a good word to say about her own daughter!

Turtle - you posted while I was posting. If she really does treat him differently to the way she treats you, that's fortunate for him but keep an eye on things. Make sure things stay that way as he develops his own character and perhaps becomes less perfect in her eyes.

CL

zippybungle wrote: »

How about doing something like your full time hours over 4 days? and maybe your Mum have your son on one of the days that you work. Then you would have a full time wage, but only pay for 3 days childcare.

Childcare is usually the biggest expense for working parents (I work 4 days a week and have 3 Kids)

Zippy x

Good point! My SIL is a nurse and does three 12 hour shifts per week (days vary), BIL works from home one day a week, so with working some weekends, she usually only needs one day of childcare a week.

marisco_2

Turtle2010 wrote: »

My DS is so happy with is childminder and she's great, I have no qualms there. I'm just gutted that i won't have as much time with him, just evenings and weekends.

Focus on this only. You are an adult now and a mum yourself. What your mum thinks about how you live your life is irrelevant. From what you advise she seems to get some kind of sick pleasure out of undermining you and seeing only the worst in you. Ignore her silly ways.

Your little boy is no doubt thriving. It will do him alot of good to not be totally reliant on you. Makes transitions like going to pre-school and then onto big school much easier.

You and your husband sound like fab parents to me. Grounded and sensible and wanting the best possible family life you can achieve. Long gone are the days where mums can afford to stay at home till their kids are nearly in their teens. That is no reflection on them as parents just how the economic situation is.

Concentrate on quality of time spent with your little boy not the quantity of time. Get home at night and enjoy having dinner together. Make bath times and bed times fun. Make sure your weekends are lovely.

I am glad your boss and work colleagues are understanding and supportive. That will help greatly as you adjust to this change. Shame on your mum for being so out of touch and thoughtless.

Penny-Pincher!!

I used to do a 3 day (12+hrs) full time week sometimes and although it was a killer, I knew I could spend more full days with DD.

eyelinerprincess

I went back to work in March when my son was 4 months old and felt exactly the same, although it was my heath visitor that was trying to guilt trip me.

DS is with his dad 3-4 days a week (two week rota), at nursery once a week, me twice and at grandparents the rest of the time and it's turned him into a well-rounded boy. Yesterday I dropped him off at nursery it seemed like he couldn't wait for me to leave! And every time he gets there, he's full of big smiles ready for his day.

The positives are that he won't be one of those kids who cry and cling onto your leg every time you drop him off at school, and he will learn to interact with other children from an early age.

I made the decision to go back early as I was in the same boat as you - incomings not stretching far enough, and although I felt guilty, I know that going to work and earning money, while enjoying the time I have with my boy, is the best thing I could do. It means we're not struggling as much, we have food on the table, a roof over our heads and a happy boy.

Metranil_Vavin

My son goes to nursery 2 days a week, and a childminder for one day. I work part time 3 days a week, and feel very lucky that I am able to both work and spend time with him.

I do think the time he spends at nursery and with the CM is good for him though. He always comes home knackered from nursery, covered in paint and sand having had a great day

There is too much guilt attached to childcare. You do what you have to do, and there are no right or wrong answers. I personally wouldn't want to be a full time SAHM, and think my son benefits from a varied week, but I would of course work full time if I had to.

Your mother sounds like a piece of work btw, and as others have already said, I would disregard what she has to say and not let her nastiness bring you down.