Going back to work full time - guilt :(

Joannabelle

Hi,
I'm fairly new to posting, but just wanted to add that you and your OH sound like great parents.

I went back to work full time when my daughter was 7 months old- she is with the childminder from 7.30 to 4.30pm Monday to Friday- initially I had the exact same concerns as you, and felt so guilty for leaving her. She is now 2 and a half, and thriving. She gets to do fun things with other children all through the week, but still relishes time with Mummy and Daddy at the weekend.

One thing I have found very useful, and I don't know if it'll apply to you, but my husband finishes 1/2 and hour earlier than I do- he collects her and gives her dinner at home, ensuring by the time I come home she's ready for fun.

Much as I would love to stay at home fulltime, there are circumstances that mean we can't, and within that mean our daughter gets prepared for nursery/playschool etc much earlier. I fully understand the guilt, having been through it myself, but if I had the time again I'd do exactly the same...it just means that quality time is exactly that!

I wish you so much luck in going back to work- It's a huge step, and not to be underestimated, but ultimately, your son will thrive with his childminder, and most likely you will thrive too. All the best x

missindecisive

hello, having just read your post I couldn't just read and ignore. you are obviously a loving mum and just want the best for your family. When you say you are on the breadline, what exactly do you mean? There are lots of savings to be made with lifestyle choices, if you should post up you soa, someone may be able to help with ideas on how you can run your household more efficiently. For example, would you sacrifice having an expensive holiday for a cheaper break? would you consider a cheaper car, or maybe having one car instead of two? or maybe the bus? would you consider changing your shopping habits, not buying clothes, not visiting the hairdressers,gym,beauty salon? would you sacrifice some of your entertainment, eg sky, expensive mobile contracts?
I am not suggesting or presuming you do any of the above, merely just trying to bounce a few ideas around in order for you to consider staying part time working and managing your finances more carefully. please don't be offended by my comments as that is not my intention. I know a very beautiful innocent child whose parents both work full time. They want the best of everything, the expensive cars, holidays, iphones, gym memberships the lot. Meanwhile the child is left with someone who considers the child to be a burden (and it sometimes shows)but the minder does it for the money-not for love. Ofcourse the child will be fine and will thrive and it is their choice as a family and no one elses business. You can never get this precious time with your little one back, it will be over in a flash, so cherish every moment you can spend with them if you can. good luck anyway whatever you decide:j

jellyhead

OP is happy with her childminder though, and confident that the child is happy there.

We all have to do what feels right for us. Threads about working mums or stay at home mums often turn nasty and there's no need for it. I know that's not your intention, but describing the child as 'innocent' sort of suggests that childcare is a bad thing.

I've been referred to as a 'pet' or a moron before now, simply for being a stay at home housewife. I've seen arguments that working mums shouldn't have children in the first place if they don't love them enough to look after them themselves. Working mums say that children with stay at home mums cling to their legs and don't socialise (assuming that these children aren't taken to toddler groups, are never left with friends or family, never do anything educational, etc.), while stay at home mums think kids in childcare for 50 hours a week are sad, unloved little waifs and assume that the parents shop, cook and clean in every other waking moment of the child's life and don't take them swimming etc. at weekends.

We all think our way works for us. Most mums love their children and wouldn't deliberately do anything to make them unhappy.

missindecisive

i wasn't trying to entice an arguement jelly. Merely to suggest to the op that perhaps, with some careful consideration of her lifestyle etc, that there may be room for some cut backs, thus enabling her to stay in her part time post.

jellyhead

missindecisive wrote: »

i wasn't trying to entice an arguement jelly. Merely to suggest to the op that perhaps, with some careful consideration of her lifestyle etc, that there may be room for some cut backs, thus enabling her to stay in her part time post.

I know I think it was the use of the word 'innocent' to describe the child you know that irked me, I think. I don't even know why, because I am a stay at home mum :rotfl: