Nice people thread part 6 - thrice by twice as nice :)

CKhalvashi

chewmylegoff wrote: »

i thought you were buying her a flat, not buying a flat to rent to her.

pn my advice is to stop paying the rent instantly and say you'll start using the floor as a toilet if he attempts to evict!

No, that's not nice :O

michaels

lostinrates wrote: »

I woke up happy in the sun, then got a migraine half way through doing critters, finished them crawled back to bed. Only waking up sgain now.

That's the problem with animals and children, however bad you feel you still have to look after their needs.

LydiaJ

misskool wrote: »

am i really weird that I really really want this?
Nest learning thermostat

No, not weird. I'd quite like one. I'd be perfectly happy, though, with one I could program more than I can with some "three times a day on and off" basic thing. I'd like to be able to tell it to be different temperatures at different times of the day and week.

chewmylegoff wrote: »

it's difficult to understand what it does that can't be achieved with a conventional timer.

If the pattern of your week is complicated (like mine) then it will work out what temperature you like it to be at different times of the day and week, instead of you having to work it out in advance and tell it.

vivatifosi wrote: »

That's very similar to our profile silver. Olds 67-74, my generation 41-50, youngsters, one in tummy, oldest 20. I've told my parents and DH has told his mum to get on with life and that its too short to worry about leaving stuff for us. Fortunately our siblings feel the same.

Grandparents (all long dead) would by now be 127, 126, 126 & 117. The men died in their 70s but the women lived to 95 & 103, both needing to be in care homes for several years at the end.
Parents are 85 (still alive) and 82 (died since last birthday)
Siblings are 54, 52 & 49, and I'm 42.
Kids are 20, 16, 12, 11, 10, 8 & 5.

My parents had plenty of money, having been very very careful with it in their 40s/50s and then inherited a fair amount. Mum's care was expensive - carers coming to the house several times a day for 3 years, plus some time in a care home at £1k/wk or so. I felt v glad there was enough money to give us plenty of choice as to the kind of care that would give her the best possible quality of life for as long as she had left, and I hope there will still be plenty to give us the same level of choice for my dad's care if it comes to that.

If there's any left when he goes, it'll be split between the four of us. He feels as though he ought to leave us lots because his parents & Mum's parents were able to leave plenty to them. I don't see it that way. What matters to me is that he should be comfortable and well cared for even if he goes on as long as his mother (the one who lived to 103 although blind, deaf and wheelchair-bound by then). I don't mind not inheriting anything, but I don't want to have to put him into a pit of a care home because it's the only place that takes state-funded residents and we can't afford anything better. Not that that's at all relevant yet - at 85 he's still only middle aged by his family's standards, and fully capable of everything, and living a full and independent life, albeit at a slower pace than a few decades ago.

PasturesNew

If there's any money left for an inheritance, it'd be the first ever inheritance in our family. My dad was especially keen to leave an inheritance and would be mortified that he did without forever for us to still get nothing. My parents never went out, never had holidays, didn't spend money on clothes, themselves, or socialising, or nice things. It was dad's "great life ambition" to leave something .... and he'd rise from the dead today if he thought "the Govt" were getting it all.

lostinrates

Grandparents would all be in their hundreds, parents ...late sixties and ahem seventies. Was taught to waltz by a great (infact more than one great, two or three of them) uncle who was 105 at the time, and had a full head of shoulderlength hair. Our gen including siblings, 31 to late fifties. . Closer to my niece's age than my sibling's, and my mother was a mother of school age or younger children for not that far off forty years (with a short break in the middle).

Doozergirl

chewmylegoff wrote: »

time for a compare and contrast on the generation gaps within families.

my grandparents (all gone now) would now be 98; parents and their siblings 59-67; my generation 32-34; erm...no kids!

Just my mum's side on my side:
My grandparents would be 81-95
Parent and siblings 46-59
My generation 22-34
next generation 3-11

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

If there's any money left for an inheritance, it'd be the first ever inheritance in our family. My dad was especially keen to leave an inheritance and would be mortified that he did without forever for us to still get nothing. My parents never went out, never had holidays, didn't spend money on clothes, themselves, or socialising, or nice things. It was dad's "great life ambition" to leave something .... and he'd rise from the dead today if he thought "the Govt" were getting it all.

How sad.
Is that how he would have perceived it Pastures? That paying for a care home = the govt getting the money?

lostinrates

LydiaJ wrote: »

How sad.
Is that how he would have perceived it Pastures? That paying for a care home = the govt getting the money?

Its a commonly held attitude. I have read it a lot on mse. People trying to side step giving their inheritance to ' the government' when they have paid their taxes etc.

People have no idea of the worth they get for education, health and care like that yet are not prepared to do things they could do in the way of family care, or able to provide it for themselves instead of 'the government' through the private sector. I really feel people should have a greater appreciation of how much we get as well as how much we give.

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

Its a commonly held attitude. I have read it a lot on mse. People trying to side step giving their inheritance to ' the government' when they have paid their taxes etc.

People have no idea of the worth they get for education, health and care like that yet are not prepared to do things they could do in the way of family care, or able to provide it for themselves instead of 'the government' through the private sector. I really feel people should have a greater appreciation of how much we get as well as how much we give.

People think that state education is free, the NHS is free (at least for hospital care), so feel that old age care should also be free.

Even when people have chosen to fund themselves, they are choosing private education and choosing private health (paying or via insurance) but the old age care is often not chosen and the government still expects people to pay.

SO while I understand that the government can't be expected to afford to pay for everyone's old age care, I can see that the comparison with other services means that there is a comparable expectation.

LydiaJ

lostinrates wrote: »

Its a commonly held attitude. I have read it a lot on mse. People trying to side step giving their inheritance to ' the government' when they have paid their taxes etc.

People have no idea of the worth they get for education, health and care like that yet are not prepared to do things they could do in the way of family care, or able to provide it for themselves instead of 'the government' through the private sector. I really feel people should have a greater appreciation of how much we get as well as how much we give.

It's interesting, isn't it, how people end up with such different attitudes? If Pastures's dad was of the school of thought that regards "my money paying for my wife's care" = "the govt taking my money", then I wonder how Pastures herself developed such a robust and self-sufficient position of "I pay for myself and don't expect the state to provide for me", to the extent that she's recently suggested "not feeling entitled" as a mark of a grown-up.

Pastures, I am thinking of you this week as you battle with all the inefficiencies of other people's systems that are impeding your attempts to move. I hope it all works out much better than you expect.