Teenage boys and the "facts of life"

VJsmum

HI

My DS is just 13 and I am wondering whether / how to broach the "facts of life" concversation with him.

He knows the technical details and terminologies but I wondered how to relate it to him personally. The basic "how babies are made" was covered at primary school (after birds, rabbits and fish!!) and I am sure there is a lot of playground learning. We also gave him a book and told him to ask us anything he wanted once he'd read it.

But what about hair growing, voice breaking, wet dreams and masturbation, sexuality, how to treat women (or men!)?

I don't think "the conversation" will be very well received so I wondered about once again giving him a book - but which one?

So parents of teenage lads - how did you go about this subject?

Amanda65

Best investment I made for DS was 'Living with a Willy' by Nick Fisher. It is funny and written in language teenage boys understand but covers all the points you mentioned. I gave it to my son and told him if he had any questions to ask (he never has !!!)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Willy-Nick-Fisher/dp/0330332481/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338279288&sr=8-1

My husband and several older males have commented on how informative it is.

As for how to treat women, I think that (hopefully) should be something you can have a general discussion about and can be learnt by watching those around him.

doodoot

If he did sex and relationship education at school, then they will have covered all of the issues that you posted.

My 11 year old had his final class yesterday (boys only) and the 'sex teacher' even covered how to spot testicular cancer. :T

Apparently she walked in carrying a box with 'TESTICLES' in big print on it that had a silicone pair inside :rotfl: cue lots of giggling boys and a blushing male teacher.

I also remember my 14 year old relaying to me in great detail what a wet dream was, so I'm sure that your son will be aware of the basics.

heretolearn_2

I'm afraid I took the cowards way out and left the biological stuff to the school.

I did talk to him about relationships and how I thought they should run - when the topic came up, using real life/tv/whatever to trigger conversations. I was dating when he was this age so he saw how some of my things went, and we had a few discussions about the importance of honesty and making sure that you are both 'on the same page'. That it's ok to want something a bit casual and fun as long as you are both clear about it, treat each other with respect, treat girls with respect but you also deserve to be treated well. Don't play silly games and don't get drawn in by someone playing silly games. That I didn't think he should get into anything serious until he was at least in his twenties. Just have fun and be nice as a teenager.

And quite a few lectures on the importance of contraception and not to believe old wives tales/playground tales about not getting pregnant the first time/standing up/reciting the Lord's Prayer stupidity. And not to rely on the girl being on the pill -1) they might not be 2) it's easy to mess up by accident 3) no protection from STDs so double up with pill AND condoms.

Alikay

I agree that a decent book, written with an element of humour is the way to go with most boys. Also opportunities to mix with slightly older boys such as activities like explorer scouts or cadets is good, so they see the shaving, hygiene and interaction with girls going on before they actually have to do it themselves!

My boys did NOT want to talk to us on a personal level about their changing bodies, sexuality, girls etc but we chat on a general level very openly and they know that if they DID want to talk, nothing would faze us.

Oh, and we had to get a bit more personal when DS2 had a girlfriend a year or so younger than him, so he knew what the law expected of him as "underage sex" covers more than intercourse.

VJsmum

Amanda65 wrote: »

Best investment I made for DS was 'Living with a Willy' by Nick Fisher. It is funny and written in language teenage boys understand but covers all the points you mentioned. I gave it to my son and told him if he had any questions to ask (he never has !!!)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Willy-Nick-Fisher/dp/0330332481/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338279288&sr=8-1

My husband and several older males have commented on how informative it is.

As for how to treat women, I think that (hopefully) should be something you can have a general discussion about and can be learnt by watching those around him.

Thanks for this - have just read the reviews and it looks perfect. He isn't a shy introverted boy so I think something humour based would be ideal.

Thanks everybody for your replies. I hope that our relationship and the way his dad treats me (i.e. fantastically) will give him the role model he needs for how to treat a partner (and me him, I must add!). I don't "think" he's gay but we have extremely close gay friends so he knows that wouldn't faze us.

I worry sometimes about playground stuff and mobile phones (I have seen some horrific things on my students' mobiles) and that it may skew his perception of normal. My BIL had massive issues with playground issues and sexuality.

Thanks again.

NAR

The way a large % of teenage girls flaunt themselves nowadays must put a lot of pressure on the lads. Not easy for them to just look and not touch.

Mojisola

Channel 4 has done some really good sex education series and the "Embarrassing Bodies" website has loads of information, especially for those "Is this normal?" worries.

The relationship side of things is good to talk about - the way other people behave can be very confusing. You can use stuff they watch on telly to initiate discussions or when they mention things that friends are going through.

Above all, kids need to know that they can talk to you about anything and that you're not going to go ballistic whatever they tell you but will help them with any problems.

jamespir

dont beat around the bush tell them the truth he probably knows more than you do

spadoosh

jamespir wrote: »

dont beat around the bush tell them the truth he probably knows more than you do

The only thing i expect from my lady partner! And you'd be wise to teach him the same!

hazyjo

Just get him the Inbetweeners' boxset

Sounds like heretolearn had the approach pretty spot on. I think a lot of the talk and emphasis should be on a 'relationship'. Explaining about casual sex adding up... no girl he falls in love with in say 10 or 20 years' time is going to want someone who's had 100s of partners. It's very easy to start wearing away at the bedpost with all the notches. Even 20 casual partners in a year becomes 200 in 10 years. Not good.

And sex is always better with someone you love and can talk about it with, say what you want/like... might as well DIY if it's all about orgasm and nothing else (and prevent the bedpost collapsing from all the notches!)!

Good luck!

Jx