Custody advice

RAS

I really think you need to look at your finances. Remember everything is a joint asset of the marriage even if it is in only one person's name.

You appear to have a lot of joint assets and joint accounts which makes you very vulnerable.

if she so wishes when you split, she can spend shedloads on the cards or strip the accounts and you become liable for the debt. The minute you split, you advise all the account holders that all future withdrawals require both signatures.

You also seem to have a lot of liabilities for which you will remain responsible if you split - jointly and severally but since you are the only earner, the buck stops at your door. I would seriously consider trying to reduce your liabilities if at all possible; maybe selling one property and reducing the mortgage on the others?

You need a separate basic bank account - these do not attract a credit check so will not show up in the same way as ordinary accounts. Put money in as cash; do not transfer from existing accounts. That is your survival fund if things go belly up. it will allow you to fund a deposit, pay the first month's rent or two, pay the solicitors. It will have to be declared as part of the financial settlement but will have served its purpose by then.

FBaby

Clearingout said exactly how a judge would consider the situation: his only care will be that that is best for the children pure and simple. Saying that, I don't agree that a judge would automatically refuse to consider shared care if the mother doesn't want it purely on the basis that she didn't work and was therefore the main carer.

The problem with these kind of cases is that it is the clients who make things change and affect the statistics. Years ago, it was almost unheard of a father having shared custody if it wasn't an option for the mother, nowadays, if not established yet, it certainly isn't turned down as quickly.

What you need to do is think from the perspective of your children. How can you show that you provide as good care as the mother and will continue to do so? Can you justify that the mum might be home to look after them during the day, but that you do most of the care once you come home? That you contribute with homework, reading, that you go and shop for your kids, attend all their parents evenings, take them to activities etc.... You would need to show a judge that it's not so much about quantity but quality. After all, many mothers do work and are thankfully as good mothers are stay at home ones.
Show your ex that you too are confident that you would be able to get shared care. If you can prove that you refuse a promotion or turned down opportunities because you wanted to be home earlier for your kids, you are already scoring points.

In terms of costs I would suggest you seek a good solicitor maybe for one hour or two and get straight down to business. Get advise from them as to what you can do to represent yourself for the best if you really can't afford them to represent you. Don't let your ex intimidate you, if you are a good dad, involved currently in their lives, then why shouldn't you be considered for shared care?

I know for a fact that shared care is now considered as the norm in France when requested by one party, and it is for the other to prove why it wouldn't be for the best interest of the children.

Just one thing though...don't forget that if you do get shared residence, you are pretty much signing your life to stay where you are as if you were to move, it is unlikely you would get full custody taking the children away with you. I'm sure it is insignificant now, but need to be considered as it could become an issue later on.

DVardysShadow

RAS wrote: »

] .... You need a separate basic bank account - these do not attract a credit check so will not show up in the same way as ordinary accounts. Put money in as cash; do not transfer from existing accounts. That is your survival fund if things go belly up. it will allow you to fund a deposit, pay the first month's rent or two, pay the solicitors. It will have to be declared as part of the financial settlement but will have served its purpose by then.

Different bank from any debt or any account which could be wiped out !!!!!

amyloofoo

From the sounds of it, you and your children may become victims of Parental Alienation Sydnrome, where one parent goes to extreme lengths in order to prevent the other getting fair access. There are support groups for this such as https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/28195838597/ which may be able to help.

I also have a good friend, Steve Monk-Dalton who may be able to help you (he can be found on facebook and I'm sure would be happy to share his experience and knowledge). He has been through his ex-wife ignoring custody arrangements and moving his daughter, Aleyah to Spain and making false allegations to the police / social services in order to prevent him getting access. Because of his income and circumstances, he has also had to self-represent wherever possible and has a good knowledge of support groups who could help and which solicitors / expert witnesses to avoid.

Please feel free to PM me if you need any more details and I will pass questions along to him.

Bubby

I would love to say that things will be ok and that you will see the children as much as you would like but battling a bitter ex wife that is intent on alienating the children from you is not likely to end the way you want it to. If there is no way of salvaging the marriage then you need to employ a very good solicitor. Good luck, I hate to see people using their children:(