Urgent funeral help please

xxdeebeexx

Mum (and me) have an appointment with the funeral directors to arrange dads funeral.

Dad will be cremated
Flowers/foliage will come from dads beloved garden and arranged by a close friend. Other family members can add, from their own gardens, to the arrangement.

That's it so far.

Mum now has a list of things that she doesn't want.....
No priest
Nothing religious
No Eulogy
No black clothes
No sad songs
Only close family

I am worried that she will be disappointed with the outcome.
She feels that there is no point in anyone standing up and saying what we thought of Dad because we all know.

Please help.... how can we give Dad a lovely send off that will suit mum?

tia

dx

Ms_Chocaholic

Sincere condolences to you and your mum on the loss of your dad.

It sounds, from what you have explained, that your mum wants a humanist funeral for your dad, google it or here is a link
http://www.humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/humanist-funerals-memorials

CH27

What were your Dad's wishes?

xxdeebeexx

CH27 wrote: »

What were your Dad's wishes?

We don't know.

dx

whitewing

Have happy songs or music. Maybe a compilation of music that reminds you of him.

There is a good poem that your mum may like (but you may find it quite heartless; I found it very upsetting for a young man who had died, but it really grew on me)

When I am dead
Cry for me a little
Think of me sometimes
But not too much.
Think of me now and again
As I was in life
At some moments it’s pleasant to recall
But not for long.
Leave me in peace
And I shall leave you in peace
And while you live
Let your thoughts be with the living.

whitewing

You could do a celebration of life:

Someone with a memory of your dad as a young child, someone else with a memory of him as a teenager, someone with a memory of him meeting your mum, just stages in his life to make you smile and have some sense of occasion.

jackieb

I'm so sorry about your Dad, deebee. xx

I really like this poem. It was read at my cousin's partner's funeral. She picked it herself (obviously it was changed to she )

He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your
back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes,
love and go on.

GobbledyGook

I was also going to suggest a Humanist funeral. They can be as involved or as short as you like.

xxdeebeexx

whitewing wrote: »

You could do a celebration of life:

Someone with a memory of your dad as a young child, someone else with a memory of him as a teenager, someone with a memory of him meeting your mum, just stages in his life to make you smile and have some sense of occasion.

Would this be arrange with individual people before the funeral... or do you ask people to say something if they want to?

dx

Tiddlywinks

Sorry to hear about your dad...

In reality, the funeral is there to help those left behind so you are right to think of your mum (look after yourself as well).

Flowers from your dad's garden will be lovely and personal as will those brought by other mourners.

As to a service, I think that about 30 minutes is a good balance for a non-religious event. How about a favourite poem or reading? Maybe someone saying a few words?

Eulogies don't have to be sad or maudlin - my OH stood and talked at my mum's funeral and did a few mum-in-law kind of anecdotes - nothing silly, just talking of fun times which sort of summed up her character. Could someone do something similar for your dad?

I understand your mum wanting a simple service but will she look back and regret not doing 'something' personal?

Take care

xxdeebeexx

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I was also going to suggest a Humanist funeral. They can be as involved or as short as you like.

I think that's what I'm worried about.

By Mums reckoning it will last about 4.5 minutes

dx