To give up work or not?

Bluemeanie_2

Spirit wrote: »

It isn't 13 weeks each year - it is 13 weeks cumulatively up until their 5th birthday.

That was my fault. Already been retracted etc a few posts down

ClareEmily

I always planned to return to work after the birth of my son however once he was here I felt completely different.

He is now 20 months old and I am a full-time mum and I love it however:

I hate not being able to contribute financially and help my poor hubby out who works really long hours

I hate not having any money to get my hair done, buy clothes, basically spend anything on myself, every penny goes on bills and my son. Becoming a scummy mummy.

I miss the office chat and being someone other than "Daniel's Mummy". Also my brain has turned to mush, but I could tell you all about cbeebies.

You get everyone ask when you are going to go back to work. Being a Mum really isn't seen as a job, even though you are on duty 24/7.

You get NO credit for teaching your child anything, but tutted at when your little darling hits another child etc.

I am looking for a part-time job but finding it hard to find hours that work for us, and much more difficult to find anything now I have been out of work for a while.

I am not a naturally housewife and have found it difficult to adapt.

On the BIG plus side:

I was able to breastfeed for 18 months no worrying about stopping to go back to work.

Everyday my son learns something new and the joy he finds in the world around him is just lovely.

I have been there for his first smile, steps, words etc.

I have taken him to Zoo's, farm parks, walks, play groups, beaches, swimming, soft-plays, playgrounds, I'm allowed to be a big kid again etc.

The last 20 months have whizzed by and soon he will be at school and I will probably be in full time employment again, so I am enjoying our time together now.

Gillyx

Well as you know my baby is 4 months old now (God where has the time went, can't believe Poppy was due at the same time!) and I will be staying at home to look after him. Part of the reasoning is because whatever I would earn would be swallowed up in childcare costs and I'd rather not work just to pay someone else to look after my baby. The other part is the relationship between my mother and me isn't that strong and part of that I believe is because she worked full time when I was younger and between that and other commitments she had no time for me. She would pick me up from my child minder at 5.30 at night, we'd go home have dinner and then it would be bed time. I didn't feel unloved or anything. I know how busy my mum was and I know she done it for financial reasons so didn't have the choice, I do.

I think if it's financially viable for you to stay at home at least for a few years, it is good for the child. Hats off to people who work too though, they juggle a lot, I'd find it very difficult I think. xx

elle_gee

My son was 9 weeks early; spent 8.5 weeks in the neonatal unit and has ongoing health issues - has been diagnosed with cerebral palsy (just started walking aged 2yrs 11mths) and will need a kidney transplant before he's 10yo and we have numerous speech therapy/physio/ophthalmology appointments to attend.

I had a year off, but I'm very lucky that my Dad earns a very good salary which enables my Mum not to have to work so she looks after my son three days a week while I work. OH earns enough to keep the household running (just over the limit for tax credits), and what I earn means we're able to have holidays, two cars etc etc.

Personally I need to work for my own sanity. It's my "normal", if you like. I had no warning I was going to have my son early (other than waking at 4.30am in my own bed with copious bleeding, getting to hospital and being wheeled into theatre for a crash c-section by 7am), and I didn't deal well with being thrown into such a situation and out of my cosy little office job which I wasn't ready to leave. My son is perfectly happy to be with Grandma (in fact I'm sure he's rather be with her more than me!). As the adage goes, happy mum=happy baby.

I've been back at work for just over two years and it's definitely done me a lot of good, and helped me cope better with the medical stuff I have to do on my days off. I'm lucky I have flexible hours and understanding bosses so I just work my days around hospital appointments etc. I know I'm going to have to take time out whenever the kidney transplant happens (we were originally told it would be before he was 5yo but now they are thinking 8-10yo) so I feel I need to keep some normality now and to maintain my job in the company I've been in all this time so I've got their understanding when I need it, iyswim. Plus, I'm definitely not a natural housewife or mother - sometimes I just need to relative peace of a busy office for a rest!

I do think a lot comes down to how many days you do too. Three is good but I always thought of four as you might as well be doing five. I've just worked five days a week for six months and really hated it and homelife definitely suffered for it (ironically I did it "because I care too much" for the company I work for - and to earn the brownie points and keep my job in a time of company restructure, ultimately!). As of this week I'm back to three days a week and loving the new found freedom it feels like we suddenly have!

Only you can make the decision. I always intended to go back because we enjoy the life we're able to have due to my income so it didn't feel like a choice for me (or rather it was a decision already made when we were TTCing), but in hindsight after everything that happened, I'm glad I went back

lazer

I think if you can afford it, you should stay at home.

The first 4 years of your childs life are special, and if you can afford to be there for everything, first steps, first words, when they fall over etc, I think you should be.

For everyone sayng that you should go back to work for your own sanity, I think that is nonense, you can have other adult company other than just at work - maybe some of your friends are also stay at home parents etc.

IMO - It is always best to look after your own children.

Bluebell1000

I'm back at work already. My husband and I are taking it in turns to work from home at the moment. Financially, I didn't have any choice about returning to work after 8 weeks mat leave. The week before Iwas due back at work i felt horribly guilty... but as soon as I was back I absolutely loved it. I'm not saying it's easy - especially not the milk expressing - but I'm much happier for having a few hours break from baby care. I'd suggest the OP gives it a try and sees how it goes, if you don't like it then it sounds like financially she'd have the option to leave.