To give up work or not?

SqueekyMouse

Very best wishes to your LO, I can't imagine what you've gone through

I haven't gone back to work after the birth of my DD, but I was made redundant while on mat leave so fortunately I didn't have to wrestle with my decision because I definitely didn't want to go back, but was concerned about my future career prospects... (oh well never mind now:rotfl:)

You'll never get this time again with your baby and they change so much so quickly I would cherish it. I get so much joy from playing with my baby and helping her learn new things. It's very important to me that I'm the one (and DH of course) to nurture and support her development. I believe you get back what you put into your children and it's amazing what they're capable of doing from so young.

My own personal opinion is that if you choose to have a baby you should look after it and raise it yourself.

In terms of your mat leave pay, if you don't go back to work you won't have to pay any SMP back. However you would probably have to pay any enhanced maternity pay back. I used to work in a university and the rules there were that you had to come back to work for 3 months to avoid paying it back. Contact your personnel department to find out what your situation is. Whatever you decide, your employer will need at least one months notice.

SqueekyMouse

Just re-read your last post and noticed you were payed OMP (occupational maternity pay). I believe that like SMP, this doesn't have to be paid back if you don't go back to work, but again your personnel dept would be able to advise further on this

Bluemeanie_2

SqueekyMouse wrote: »

Just re-read your last post and noticed you were payed OMP (occupational maternity pay). I believe that like SMP, this doesn't have to be paid back if you don't go back to work, but again your personnel dept would be able to advise further on this

You are correct about any SMP, however occupational maternity pay, as it is more than what you are legally entitled too and paid voluntary by an employer, they very often specify that if you do not return for a set amount (usually 3 months) you will have to pay it back. I have never seen this challenged or ruled as unlawful? But correct me if I am wrong (again lol)

SqueekyMouse

Bluemeanie wrote: »

You are correct about any SMP, however occupational maternity pay, as it is more than what you are legally entitled too and paid voluntary by an employer, they very often specify that if you do not return for a set amount (usually 3 months) you will have to pay it back. I have never seen this challenged or ruled as unlawful? But correct me if I am wrong (again lol)

You're quite right!
I got OMP confused with Maternity Allowance (MA) and thought there was a difference between enhanced maternity pay and OMP, but they're the same thing!

Please ignore my earlier post!!!

Spendless

When I had DS 12 years ago my employer only employed f-time workers who started at x finished at y at their premises and the right to request flexible working didn't exist. Not wanting to work f-time and spend all my wages on childcare, I gave up work. 6 months later after getting caught in the fuel strikes in France and racking up a £1k overdraft getting back I found a w/end/evening job. 6 months after that I changed it to a better paid mon-fri evening job. This was in the days when you could walk into a job by showing you were capable of stringing a sentance together. I packed it in due to ill-health in pregnancy with younger child. Then husband changed jobs to a better paid one where he was required to work away/o/night, MIL and Nan who had been the 2 people helping me out with childcare where mine and DH's shifts didn't quite join both had serious health problems within months of each other and in the interim my sister had had twins and only had our parents as people who could help out (they both still worked) so stayed at home till DS went to school, then enrolled at college with the idea of finding a job when DD went to school, but DH then had serious health problems and then a credit crunch and recession(s) kicked in and I live in a hard hit area. I found a job temping that I built up,that lasted 18 months, the employer even took me on as their own staff but I lost it when my employer lost its contract. I've been looking for another job that fits -not with school hours, but with hours where childcare runs since Jan with no joy.My youngest is in her last few weeks of yr 4 and I've only found work that fitted in for a year and a half since she started f-time school. Incidentally if I'd felt I could have stayed at the place I worked when I was having DS I'd have kept the job till Easter this year when they moved the whole department overseas instead.

In your case, you are being offerred a 4 day week. Every 6-8 weeks you get at least a week off. The years spent as a pre-schooler are relatively short compared to the longer years they spend at Primary school and you'd not have to be at work in any of the hols. You've said yourself you'd have a slim chance of getting something similar when she goes to school, so personally I'd keep the job and look at the longer term. However I wouldn't be looking at going back till my full maternity was up and meantime I'd build up how long baby is looked after by others.

skintchick

Stay home!

I gave up work to have my DD and she is nearly 3 now, I have been with her full time since birth and it's great!

Work isn;t the only place you can get adult conversation, aand you will make new friends as long as you get out to music groups, mum and baby groups, the children's centre, etc.

I have a lovely group of mates now all of whom I met at things like that and we are all intelligent adults who enjoy conversation.

If money is no object then children are much better off with a parent than with even a brilliant childminder, and it sounds like you want to stay home, so do it!

Being with your child and helping them learn and grow is the most rewarding thing you will ever do.

Why go to work and look after other people's children while paying someone else to look after yours?

kingfisherblue

Only you can make this decision Janine. I don't know if your daughter is likely to have long term health problems, but this may have some bearing on what you want to do.

For myself, I worked in a shop, part time, three days a week after my little lad was born. My mum and dad looked after him and my seven year old daughter twice a week, and my (now ex) husband looked after the kids on Saturdays. It was tough, especially as my son has a lot of night time care needs. After our third child was born, I didn't return to work.

My son's needs have increased as he has grown older. At 14, it is still like having a toddler in many ways and his night time needs have not decreased, due to his medical conditions.

I have been a single mum for over 7 years, and have to claim benefits, which I hate. But realistically, there is little chance of me returning to work at the moment. My son has too many health problems for that to happen in the near future.

The plus factors are being at home for the kids, especially since the youngest and oldest had major problems adjusting to their dad not being at home. I get to see all school plays, sports days, etc. I get to eat tea with my kids at a reasonable time most nights.

On the negative side, it can be lonely, but I do voluntary work that fits in with my children's needs, so it isn't an issue for me. This has turned into a positive for me, as I have gained a whole new set of skills for when I return to the workplace.

Don't rush into any hasty decisions yet. Think about what you want, whether you could return to work easily once your children are older, whether your baby has short term or longer term needs, whether you currently get enough sleep (very difficult to do a full days work if you have been up four times a night), and any other factors that are relevant to your situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

lilymay1

As those on the TTC board know, I have just started an incredibly diffcult, time consuming and generally soul destroying job. My son is 7 months old and I have had a difficult time in the past with pregnancy, children and what not.

However, I don't have the luxury of a high-earning husband and it is me who provides for our family. As much as I complain about my job, it gives me with something that being unemployed does not; money (mainly) but also a sense of worth. I grew up with 2 working parents (despite both not needing to) and it did me no harm. My son goes to nursery 3 days a week and so far as I can tell enjoys it. I don't know a lot of other parents with children so for him, it provides something I can't give him.

At the end of the day, it's a personal decision that only you can make.

skintchick

Lilymay, you know I love you, but please don't imply that you cannot have a sense of worth when you are a full time at home parent! I have never had such a sense of worth as doing this - it is truly the most fulfilling role I've ever had (and my career involved travelling, spending time with celebs, fashion, so it was definitely exciting).

You do not need to go out to paid work to have a sense of worth, or a sense of self, or any of the other things people say in these kinds of discussions.

Sounds to me like the OP wants to stay home but is having a hard time getting her head round that due to the culture in this country of leaving your children's upbringing to other people so you can go out to do paid work. There is no shame in staying at home to bring up your children yourself! (Or indeed, in going out to work. Both are valid choices.)

Spirit_2

janninew wrote: »

I did receive occupational maternity pay, not sure if I will have to pay it back or not, so thanks for pointing it out! It wouldn't be a problem to pay it back though so won't influence my decision!

I had no idea you could take 13 weeks unpaid leave a year, so will look into that.

!

It isn't 13 weeks each year - it is 13 weeks cumulatively up until their 5th birthday.