Separated with kids...

green1970

If she goes to work and tries to support herself though, surely you'll be liable for at least half your childcare costs as well as maintenance as she has the children more than you. Would this make you even worse off?

You state that 40% of your monthly salary pays the mortgage, bills and £400 maintenance which would indicate that your salary is pretty big. If 40% fully supports 3 people, does the remaining 60% not allow you to support yourself quite comfortably. Are your figures definitely right or are you paying out much more than you calculated?

I'd definitely see a solicitor to find out what your financial responsibilities are so you can get these sorted and then focus on moving on and making a good life with your children at the centre.

RAS

green1970 wrote: »

If she goes to work and tries to support herself though, surely you'll be liable for at least half your childcare costs as well as maintenance as she has the children more than you. Would this make you even worse off?

Err.. no.

She claims the cost of child care back from the state via CTC.

green1970 wrote: »

You state that 40% of your monthly salary pays the mortgage, bills and £400 maintenance which would indicate that your salary is pretty big. If 40% fully supports 3 people, does the remaining 60% not allow you to support yourself quite comfortably. Are your figures definitely right or are you paying out much more than you calculated?

I think the OP is paying out 40% to house and pay the bills plus 20% in direct money.

If his net pay is £26K ish as indicated by the CSA calculation, then he has £10K to support himslef including travel to work, food etc. On that sort of salary he probaly also need either decent work clothes or equipment.

green1970 wrote: »

I'd definitely see a solicitor to find out what your financial responsibilities are so you can get these sorted and then focus on moving on and making a good life with your children at the centre.

His financial responsiblities are 20 percent of his net inclome.

Yes he is jointly and severally liable for the mortgage, but if she wishes to stay in the house, then the ex needs to claim mortgage support through tax credits.

Since they are not married, if he forces the house sale they will get 50% of the equity each. That will reduce her entitlement to benefits for a while.

beautiful_ravens

RAS wrote: »

One of the blunt realities of separation is that you cannot fund two families on the income that supported one family nicely.

However, she will be getting a lot of benefits; possibly more than you were bringing home as a salary. With your maintenance as set by the CSA , her income may actually be more than when you were together.

On top of which she is not paying the mortgage, not paying most of the bills and getting £400 per month.

She is scamming you and she needs to learn to budget

Thats very likely.
As a single parent, I receive plenty of money via income support, child tax credit, child benefit, housing benefit, council tax benefit and child maintenence [incidentally I only get £30 a week for 3 young kids] This will all be stopping in 2 weeks as they are all at school now, and I will become self employed. But my point is, I doubt that she is badly off at all, unless she is spending money recklessly, so it sounds/looks like she may be milking the situation.

Caroline_a

OP I think you're trying your very hardest to keep things ok for your children, while your ex is happily spending money she is not entitled to!! You cannot continue to pay out like this - how would you manage to do this if you lost your job? She's going to come down to earth with a bump, because you now have to look after yourself and the children!

1 Start paying through CSA the correct amount. No more, no less.

2 Explain that you cannot pay the mortgage any more as you have to find your own place to live.

3 No court in the land would expect you to pay maintenance and also to pay her mortgage and living costs! She has amounts in her benefits for gas/electric, as well as for general living. Her council tax will be paid.

Tell her that ok, if she doesn't want to sell the house that it's ok, but she will have to fund the mortgage herself.

As others have said, she is taking you for a big ride...

kingfisherblue

I can only echo what others have said - she's milking you for everything she can!

I'm a single mum and I don't work because one of my children has severe disabilities. I do receive extra because of this, but your ex will currently be getting income support, child benefit, child tax credits, council tax benefit. Income support is a passport benefit, leading to an automatic entitlement of free prescriptions, vouchers for glasses, dental treatment, free school meals (if older child is at school), possibly a school uniform grant (depends on the authority).

You should be paying 20% of your net income as Child Support. Make sure that you have a paper trail. If you pay cash, refuse to hand it over unless she signs a receipt saying 'Child Support for Child X and Child Y, for week/month commencing...'. If possible, pay by standing order into her account, using the same wording.

Child maintenance is ignored as far as benefits are concerned, although she should still declare it.

Adding together her benefits and the CM that you pay, she should be able to pay her half of the mortgage. If she can't, then she should move out unless there are extenuating circumstnaces. In my case, my ex has never paid anything towards the mortgage since he left over 7 years ago. I get some help with the interest from the government, and I pay the remaining amount from my benefits. The courts ruled that our house was not to be sold as it has been adapted for our son's disabilities, and he will never live independently. That obviously doesn't happen for most families though.

Once your youngest daughter is 5, your ex will be moved from IS to JSA and will be expected to look for work.

trevorsminted

always amazes me how quick it takes for daddy to add up the '2 holidays since i left' etc when she is taking YOUR kids with her and besides if you leave why should her and kids life be upset, so many times this happens on here i leave woe is me back to parents and now i cant get by,,, another year you will have moved on new gf and new kids to replaces original ones!!

clocKwize

Just want to say thanks to everyone, going to look in to all these things. I appreciate your help

@trevorsminted That hurts.. Don't know what to say? I expected to get a reply like that sooner or later; I expected it sooner actually. You don't know me or the situation, reserve your judgement until then? I started writing many points in retaliation to what you've just said but then deleted them. Its not worth it.

zagfles

clocKwize wrote: »

@zagfles I've just spoken to her and she says she has told tax credits and they asked if I'm paying maintenance, so she says they've taken that in to consideration? Should I check with them?

Yes, definitely check if you had a joint claim previously. You should have had a letter off them, on separation a joint claim ends and she would then need to reclaim as a single parent.