Separated with kids...

clocKwize

@Caroline_a She has told me that she doesn't have to agree to selling the house as it contains minors and if it came to it the courts wouldn't allow it.

I'm on hold to tax credits now (10 mins already......). Good call on CSA, currently i just transfer her the money. Its also a bit more complicated though because I pay the bills out of my account but take that out of the child support I pay (some utilities are year long contracts and wont let me just move it to her name).

beautiful_ravens

clocKwize wrote: »

@zagfles I've just spoken to her and she says she has told tax credits and they asked if I'm paying maintenance, so she says they've taken that in to consideration? Should I check with them?

I would like to separate financially but everyone is telling her (tax credits, CAB, etc) that the last thing she should do is leave the house. If she does that she'll be making herself homeless?

@CH27 I haven't seen a solicitor. I don't have the money to pay for one.

Always check everything she says, I knew a woman once who had a guy over a barrel telling him things the CSA etc had said, and he just believed her, not once did he check it out. Turns out he was properly taken for a ride costing him loads, to the detriment of his other scraggly kids. See the CAB yourself, they know everything and are free.

January20

Maybe she doesn't have to agree to selling the house because of your daughters, but it doesn't mean that she has the right to bleed you dry as she is doing!

You really need to get some legal advice. If you can't afford a solicitor, why don't you try the CAB? Or you could try a website like this one http://www.ondivorce.co.uk/chatdiscuss.htm

VfM4meplse

Wouldn't it be easier for all concerned for you to move back into what is after all your own home, and live amicably with your ex-GF in the short term? It might work out as a friendly arrangement if you don't flaunt partners in each others faces and I'm sure you'd appreciate the additional time with your girls.

I'm never impressed with hearing tales of unfairness, but unfortunately manintaining 2 households is always going to be more expensive than one.

clocKwize

@beautiful_ravens Thanks, I'll keep that in mind and double check everything.

@January20 I'll be doing both!

@VfM4meplse That'd be very awkward for both of us and would probably confuse the hell out of the girls! This is already confusing enough for them.

I realise it'll more expensive having 2 homes, but I didn't think I'd end up being the one paying for everything after I'd left!

Thanks for everyones advice, it's greatly appreciated!!

DS4215

clocKwize wrote: »

@Caroline_a She has told me that she doesn't have to agree to selling the house as it contains minors and if it came to it the courts wouldn't allow it.

Shes doesn't have to agree to sell the house, but nobody (including the courts) can make her stay there if the mortgage isn't being paid. It is not always affordable to continue in the family home, but she should be able to use her share of any equity to go towards a new place.

Your priorities are to yourself and your children. You need a place of your own, where they can stop over, and covering all your essential bills (including the CSA payments). You might be stuck on the mortgage on the old place for a while and have to pay some of that, but she should be claiming lots of benefits by now to help pay the rest (including c tax single persons)

clocKwize

But I don't want it to get to the point where I have threaten to not pay the mortgage to get anything done!

she is claiming single person ctax, I know she's getting tax credits on her own and child benefits. no idea how much but that plus what I give her for the girls and not paying the mortgage. she says she's struggling...

RAS

Hi

You need to be very careful because you are being strung along. Badly. And to make it worse, if she goes to the CSA, you could end up paying this twice.

Go to www.turn2us.org.uk to find out what support your ex is getting and should be getting, if she claims for the cost of the mortgage. She can do this; hundreds of thousands of other women are doing it (and a few men).

Go through the bills and work out which you can transfer now to her name.

When do the other deals end?

FBaby

One thing is almost certain, she is much much better off financially that you are likely to be. She will claim income support, council tax benefits, get all her tax credits -a lot more than what you were getting when together-, free school meals, free prescriptions and the rest. She will be getting all this in addition to the maintenance you pay with no mortgage costs.... that's not bad going for a disposable income.

RAS

clocKwize wrote: »

she says she's struggling...

One of the blunt realities of separation is that you cannot fund two families on the income that supported one family nicely.

However, she will be getting a lot of benefits; possibly more than you were bringing home as a salary. With your maintenance as set by the CSA , her income may actually be more than when you were together.

On top of which she is not paying the mortgage, not paying most of the bills and getting £400 per month.

She is scamming you and she needs to learn to budget