Separated with kids...

clocKwize

Hi everyone,

I'm after a bit of advice.. Me and my ex(girlfriend, not wife) split back in December after the love going from our relationship and us basically arguing most of the time. I decided to end it as I thought it would be better for our kids (2 girls, 2 and 4) to see us happy separately than arguing and shouting at each other all the time... The agreement is as it stands I have the girls every weekend (as I work mon-fri), except the first weekend of the month.

This leaves me in a situation, we jointly own the house they live in, I pay the mortgage, plus I pay all the bills and give her £400 a month for the kids.

She tells me I have to pay this as they are entitled to it etc.. which if the case is fine and I'll have to deal with it.

Problem is currently I'm now living back with my parents and can't afford to move out as I just can't afford it, given I'm spending about 40% of my monthly salary on housing and feeding them all. She doesn't work (as the girls aren't both in school full time) so has no money of her own coming in.

She isn't exactly skint though, having 2 holidays to scotland since we split up.

I don't know if I'm in the situation I should be in or not? Is this what I should have expected to happen?

Thanks

Caroline_a

That sounds a lot of money to be paying! I think the CSA amount is 20% of salary. Of course if you don't pay the mortgage and the house is repossessed then it will affect your credit... However, your ex should be paying the mortgage out of her housing benefit and anything you give her for the children - it may be that the house will need to be sold if she can't afford this.

coinxoperated

I appraiser stand your trying to make it easier on the kids, but she's taking you for a total ride.

What a great situation for her to be in. Not working, house paid for.

I would discuss selling the house and her renting off the council if she doesn't want to work! Yes you have to pay some cash towards the kids, but your entitled to have a life too!

clocKwize

I see..

She said housing benefits won't give her anything, as the mortgage is in both our names, they have to work it out on both our incomes, not just hers.. Obviously I can afford it but I'm not living there and can't afford 2 houses!

I wouldn't want to see her get repossessed or sell it really. Because that is my daughters house after all, but she won't pay for it and we can't take me off the mortgage because she has no income, so the lender won't consider it.

Selling it wouldn't be so bad in reality, we have £25,000 equity in the house which we could halve, then she would be entitled to full housing benefits. She won't consider this though because she'll not have her own house?

clocKwize

Also, we are both joint on the mortgage, so I can't sell it without her agreement, which she won't do...

CH27

Check out the CSA calculator to find out how much you should be paying her.

clocKwize

That says £102 a week (£442 a month), I've used www. thesalarycalculator .co.uk to get the tax/Ni figures.. is that accurate?

Is this all I legally am required to give? Including housing and everything? Or do they work out housing separate? I'm all very new to this..

zagfles

clocKwize wrote: »

That says £102 a week (£442 a month), I've used www. thesalarycalculator .co.uk to get the tax/Ni figures.. is that accurate?

Is this all I legally am required to give? Including housing and everything? Or do they work out housing separate? I'm all very new to this..

No that's it, you don't have to pay for her housing as well.

You really need a proper financial split otherwise it will cause all sorts of problems down the line. For instance, is she claiming tax credits? As a single parent or still on a joint claim with you?

If she's claiming as a single parent then she'll get into trouble with HMRC when they find the financial links to you (there've been lots of threads about this on the benefits board). HMRC look for financial links as evidence of couples faking a split, or of new partners.

If she's still claiming jointly with you, then you need to stop that claim now, because if she ever get overpaid they will come chasing you for half of it even though you didn't get paid any. Also she'd get considerably less on a joint claim as they'd take your income into account. They don't take maintenance payments into account.

It's in both your interests to separate financially. Even if it means selling the house.

CH27

Have you seen a solictor?

clocKwize

@zagfles I've just spoken to her and she says she has told tax credits and they asked if I'm paying maintenance, so she says they've taken that in to consideration? Should I check with them?

I would like to separate financially but everyone is telling her (tax credits, CAB, etc) that the last thing she should do is leave the house. If she does that she'll be making herself homeless?

@CH27 I haven't seen a solicitor. I don't have the money to pay for one.

Caroline_a

clocKwize wrote: »

@zagfles I've just spoken to her and she says she has told tax credits and they asked if I'm paying maintenance, so she says they've taken that in to consideration? Should I check with them?

I would like to separate financially but everyone is telling her (tax credits, CAB, etc) that the last thing she should do is leave the house. If she does that she'll be making herself homeless?

@CH27 I haven't seen a solicitor. I don't have the money to pay for one.

You are still tied in mortgage-wise, but I think you need to take independent advice, as I think she's telling you a few porkies! Maintenance is disregarded as far as I am aware for any benefits as it is for the children, not for her!

How do you pay current maintenance? Do you have a record of it that can be tracked as 'maintenance', otherwise if she involves the CSA it will look as if you aren't paying anything! Personally I would enter your own application to pay with the CSA, contact the benefits office re tax credits, to ensure that the mortgage is the only thing where you are 'tied'. If she cannot afford to pay the mortgage out of her money, then she'll have to agree to the house being sold, which would probably be the best for a clean break for you both.