Advice please: What would you do?

gwinnie

Hi alba, you're right in wanting to keep a copy of it for evidence. YouTube's content is embedded. They have a button for reporting inappropriate content but to explain your concerns to customer services, there is a form in the HelpCenter:

http://www.google.com/support/youtube/bin/request.py?contact_type=policy&submit=Continue

alba37

Phew, managed to save the file & it plays ok. Off to contact youtube.

Thanks for all advice so far.

Katmc2k

Hey

obviously you know this as you send your son there but Jordanhill has a reputation as a great school and (I hope) they will take this really seriously. Perhaps showing the video of the attack to the boy's parents is something to think about? Either you showing them or getting the school to show them? If they are in any way respectable they will be mortified.

Good luck, Kat (in Broomhill!)

alba37

Oh Kat!! lol, just down the road!! Thanks & welcome to MSE.

My son went to Broomhill school and he had bother there too. J-hill, I was hoping to be a new start for him, but it's not much better. He's in 2nd year & there were problems from day 1. (so I know now) You might understand this, but it's been mostly due to me being a single parent... well possibly more like, cause he has no dad about. (I am on my own) After things came to a "big head" in first year he said things had been ok since... till this on Friday. I am ex j-hill pupil, but things have changed since I was there (:rotfl: not surprising, it's wasn't exactly yesterday!!)

It does seem to be the boys involved in the video are not the normal ones who tease, taunt & call him names, but can't be sure, he's not saying a lot.

My best friend lives across the road from broomhill school, so am there often! Small world!!

A x

Kimberley

I've seen it, it looks like your son laughed when he turned around after the kick, the police will say that the video shows no evidence of an assault. It just looks like to me that boys are mucking around

alba37

Yes, thanks for your thoughts, they were mucking around, I guess. That's what happy slapping is? A bunch of them had made up this prank and were all laughing when it successfully happened. I think his reaction was to laugh with them. As far as he knows it never happened before or again since. I'll see what the school has to say tomorrow and take it from there.

I think, like I said in the first post, this has helped him tell me about the other things that are going on, otherwise he may not have told me.

vetfred

Hi alba, sorry to hear about your son being bullied.

I think an important thing in all this is that your son is able to at least approach the subject with you and that's a good sign. Even if he's not too forthcoming, it's probably only because he thinks you'll go to the school, the teachers will tell off the bullies, and then he'll get bullied for telling his mum. Boys can be like that with their taunts as I'm sure you're aware. This isn't to say going to the school is wrong, it's just that is probably how many boys would feel.

I have to say, when I was at school, if the police were called over incidents like in the video, they would never have left the school... and my school was a top private school in Cheshire. Many boys are overly physical, sometimes to be mean but sometimes trying to have fun, and sometimes for no reason at all. I'm not saying anyone should be kicked (they of course shouldn't), but if you were a boy in any school around the country, I don't think you'd find seeing that shocking. I can honestly say I've seen friends do worse to one another just being daft and they went on to stay friends in later life - the video to me means nothing either way as to proof of bullying as it looks more like silliness than anything worrying.

The bullying has to stop though and if he's being taunted or physically threatened day in day out, then clearly that's not fair on the lad and you don't want him to not want to go to school or to fall behind on his studies because of some stupid boys.

My suggestion is to sit him down, and rather than ask for names straight away as to who the bullies are, I would ask him to describe some of the things which have happened and how it makes him feel. Before addressing the bad kids, I would try assess how your son is and be re-assuring to him saying that whatever he feels isn't unnatural and let him know he can always tell you anything etc. If something serious ever should happen (and of course we all hope it never will), you will have re-inforced yourself as someone he can confide in. It does sound corny, but no matter how good a mum you are, sometimes kids feel they can't really go to anyone because what's happening to them is somehow embarassing or that they should be able to sort it out for themselves. It's not a sign that he thinks he can't talk to his mum or teachers, it's just a boything (and maybe girls too, but I wouldn't know).

Armed with more information, you might, as an adult, be able to give him advice yourself to help him mentally get through difficult encounters and to keep him balanced as to what is good about school and in his life.

Beyond that and if things aren't improving, I would then push for names to take it up properly with the school.



On a different matter, sometimes youtube shows who is linking to any particular video so it might be worth considering removing your link in your first post in case youtube does update showing this page is linking to it and then any of the boys involved will see all this.

alba37

Hi

Thanks everyone again for your advice & moral support. I do really appreciate it.

Didn't have a great morning, as my son decided he didn't want to talk about it again & didn't want anyone else knowing! He stormed out the door to school.

I had to do something, otherwise it would continue. I phoned the school and spoke to the deputy head. Then sent details & vid link by email to her. 2nd year head phoned me back an hour ago, and said she was dealing with it along with head of guidance. The school have made a copy and are contacting youtube to have it removed. I just noticed it has been there 2 weeks :eek:

She had taken my son out of class, (said she needed to discuss course choices) and to my surprise he seems to have opened up to her... didn't expect that. She sounded very supportive & down to earth. Still haven't found out if it's the same boys calling him names that played the prank though. She did say M (my son) had spoken to his guidance teacher last year about the same boy. She also told him they have delt with similar situations in the past... why do we always think it's just us!? I am sure it will help to know he isn't the first or won't be the last. (just as you said vetfred... Boys & games!!)

She spoke of some things she will do and all sounded good to me. Just need to wait and see what happens now.

A

vetfred

That's good news and yes, I think people think bullying is so rare it must just be them suffering it.

Not to scare anyone, but I would think most boys are either bullied (whether it's name calling or some sort of physical attacks which are most often not actually severe, just unwarranted) or know someone who is bullied whatever the school or region. When you think about it, the school years are a time when some people are vulnerable and others are immature and seeking respect from their peers. The way boys seek respect often has a physical nature to it.

The combination means it's always gone on and always will but I'm sure most schools these days do get many complaints and have procedures in place which I hope is the case here. The fact that many schools have counsellors just shows how much schools have grown to appreciate it's not just about teaching the subjects, it's about wider issues too.

I fully appreciate that mums seeing that video would think it's an assault etc, and technically of course it is. It's just that if you watch a bunch of 12-16 year old boys who are actually friends, they do stuff like that, they hit one anothers arms, they stand behind a boy while another pushes the boy backwards so they fall. Honestly, it's nothing like (I hope) what girls mess around like.

Obviously, I wish everything to be resolved for your son. But in the meantime, let me send you my wishes since this must be so stressful to you as well and I'm sure episodes like you went through this morning are not what your son wants to put you through. He will know you're looking out for him but just appreciate he might not be able to show that just yet which is hard, but hang in there:)

alba37

I got a call to tell me 5 boys were suspended, it appears it was the boy who bullied my son most, who set it up. M said he was really surprised at who was actually involved.

The school will phone me back later this week, with an update. But I was told the video went against IT usage or something like that & it was really serious. One boy appologised to him. The school appear to be supportive and understanding, again I'll just have to see how it goes, and hope M will tell someone if it continues and not let it go on another year as he did this time.