Not following a contact order

graemecarter

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

Can anything be done other than going back to court?
Is it take lightly when a contact order is not followed?

Just wanted experiences / advice. Thanks.

In my experience, you need to get back to court ASAP. Ask for CAFCAS to be involved as well if you believethe children are being harmed/damaged.

Good luck - it feels insurmountable but it gets better slowly.

I try to always practice love and tolerance for my ex, as if I hold on to resentment and anger, that's bad for me and thus bad for my children.
The most loving thing to do for my children is always to put them first, no matter how badly I am being treated. They are children and don't know/understand. I am the adult (even though my ex doesn't behave like one) so I need to always behave like a grown up. The truth is more powerful than the lies. Keeping my dignity and self-respect have been vital.

RainbowDreamer

Thanks. I may swear about him to friends when the kids arent here, but to the kids i am very positive about their dad. I tell them how much fun they will have with them and positively encourage them to talk about their dad and his side of the family.

JethroUK

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

The childrens father has temporary residence until the next court hearing.
We have the children half the week each. It is in the form of a contact order.
He is refusing to return the children on the stated day / time (again).
Last time he kept the kids away for 3 weeks and I had to take him back to court.

You dont have to wait for the court - you can just turn up with the police who will absolutely adhere to the order (they will need to see the order) - how good this is for the children only your ex can decide - if the police are present he might just hand the kids over otherwise he could cause a fuss

only you know your ex but i would be inclined to ask the police to stop in the car to avoid stressing the children - just their p[presence might be enough to get him to hand them over

in future you could arrange for exchange at police station

you should also make sure your boyfriend is not present during any exchange for obvious reasons (albeit not obvious enough for some parents)

RainbowDreamer

Jethro my bf has never been present at hand overs with the kids, and is no longer around the children.
If I turn up with the police the ex will become aggressive and will refuse to hand over the children. He will then end up getting arrested because will most probably assault any police officer that trys to help.

I do not want to put my kids in the position to see their father being aggressive as he was arrested a month ago and had both children in the car at the time.
My eldest has since developed a fear of policemen because he thought he was "taken away because he was naughty". As they had to take the kids to the station whilst they waited for Nanna to collect them.

Also.. even though it is a contact order, it seems police are reluctant to get involved because we both have parental responsibility. Last time they advised I took him to court to have them returned.

I guess its a hard one, as he is making more serious accussations. And as a professional outsider you need to take these seriously to ensure the children are safe. But how do you then figure out the truth as that professional?
Surely they cannot believe him with no evidence?

His plan is to have full residency of the children and to grant me 2 hours a week in a supervised contact order. He offered me this at the last court hearing.
The problem is he doesnt care for the children for the 4 days he has them. They are cared for by Nanna and whichever gf he has at the time.

Last week he introduced them to another woman (he had been with her less than a week), and he stayed overnight at her house with his children and hers.

This is repeated frequently and effects the children.

JethroUK

I get the impression his only interest in the children is to control you - and you're making it too easy

personally i think you should involve the police - they will definitely respond - if they shrug you off it's because you're letting them

if your ex gets arrested it his fault - and dont make excuses for him - its not you being difficult its him - and you have probably let him do it too often which is why you now need the police

you need to stop "asking" - because people will always take the route of least resistance (the police & your ex) - and start 'demanding' - the courts have told you that you have are right - you need to assert that

RainbowDreamer

I know, but its easier said than done. I still experience emotional abuse from him. And its not something you can learn to stand up to overnight.
My solicitor advised me not to involve the police, but I will phone them and discuss the situation.

I would rather do things the correct way, and take it to court. For him to be seen as what he is.. than to do something wrong and something go against me.

anguk

I agree with the others, involve the police and go with them to collect your children. You're not doing anything wrong, you're following a court order, so it won't go against you, if anything it will go in your favour when you go back to court. Look at it from the courts point of view, they've granted an order allowing you to have the children, your ex refuses to hand them over so you just sit back and let him, it would be much better if you can show the court that you are fighting for your kids and making every effort to have them.

It certainly seems to me that this isn't about the kids as far as your ex is concerned, this is about controlling you and you need to take some of that control back.

Get in touch with the police, show them your court order and go with the police to get them. If your ex kicks off with the police this will look very bad for him when it goes to court, plus the court will not be happy that he's ignoring their order. I know you're worried about this affecting the children but I think they'll be suffering more by not seeing their mother than they will by seeing their dad arguing with a policeman.

Just remember every time he holds on to the kids he can go to court and say you didn't bother to go and get them, you need to play him at his own game.

RainbowDreamer

I have spoken to the police. They are refusing to be involved because the contact order hasnt got an arrestable something or other attached to it. (Apparantly the court puts this on if on party keeps withholding contact to stop them).

They have said all that I can do is take it back to court, which normally takes at least 3 weeks. I was very persistent, but it did not help.

So I am now faced with not seeing my children (again) for another 3 or so weeks (again). This is in no way in the best interests of the children. My eldest was effected enough from the last time, I dread to think how this will now effect both of the children.

I just hope that court do not believe his lies. I am fed up of him using the children to control me. Controlling me alone is fine, thats for me to cope with and sort out. But to use the children is cruel. If only he would see the damage he is causing.

bunty109

He's certainly trying on an di guess hopes that sooner or later you will give up. But sooner or later the court will put the kids back with you and he'll be the one with supervised access. You just have to remember that and (I know you won't) not give up.

Is there anyway this could get to court quicker? Can women's aid help in any of this?

RainbowDreamer

bunty.. but will they see it like that? It is some serious accussations he is making. He made them to social services last week and was told he cannot stop contact without evidence. Evidence we he can not get because it didnt happen.
Its now at the point he has plastered my name and my bf's name along with a few of my friends names all over facebook for alsorts of people to see.

He has made me out to be a horrible mother who is sitting around allowing my children to be abused, and there are many people replying to him condolling violence. He is not realising that people he knows live local to us both. I could very easily be attacked if someone recognises me.

I can't speak to my solicitor until the morning. He has sent off for a court hearing last week for the prohibited steps before this happened. So I am presuming that hearing will be quicker than applying for another.
It is an interim hearing so can be used for this aswell (I think?).

All this started because I wanted to reduce his contact. Because I could see the damage being done already to the children, he was messing with education and not taking my eldest most of the time, along with introducing the kids to over 5 different women and allowing them to bond with the children over a matter of a few months.

I guess this is his payback. So in a round a bout way it feels like it is all my fault for standing up to him. And now the children are suffering even more.

I am not sure the judge will see this how you see it, as he is a sweet talker, a charmer... knows exactly what to say for the best outcome and who to say it to. Plays the concerned parent who only thinks about the interests of his children, when it is the opposite.

Maybe he is going to win. He has won everything else.. has taken my life, the kids care free childhood, everything. But I will never stop fighting for the best for my children. Never!!