Bladder/Bowel Cancer

Poppy9

KxMx wrote: »

Maybe my situation is different to the OP, but I do take exception to this.
It is my decision what I tell my family.

It is absolutely your decision and your right to keep it private if that makes it easier for you to cope. I fully understand where you are coming from.

I was in the position many years ago of undergoing fertility treatment but no one aside from my OH and myself knew. We kept it private as I didn't want to constantly asked about the treatment blah blah. Some family/friends I have never told to this day I underwent treatment. A few years ago I found a lump and only confided in OH and sister until after I had tests. This is how I cope better with situations and it was the right thing for me.

With my sister's recent illness I found medics very happy to talk to immediate family though one of the consultants cold, blunt, direct manner was extremely harsh on my sister's children. I know if my sister had known what this consultant was going to say and the manner in which he was going to say it, she would not have wanted her children there. It was so hard for her to take in what he was saying without having to see her beloved children crushed. She would have preferred to have received the news alone and deal with it.
.
It is hard on families awaiting news etc about loved ones but it's nothing to what the patient is going through and family have to respect their decision.

Would just like to add not all medical professionals have the best people skills. The best we found recently were the ICU staff. Kind, sensitive, non patronising but honest about outcomes. They seemed to know when to state the facts and when to just be quiet and give you a kind look in response to your questions. The worst - oncologist and specialist nurse who were cold and blunt.


,

Sligo

Errata wrote: »

Indeed there is, and the best places to look for it are the Cancer Research, NICE and Macmillan websites, rather than a site dedicated to helping people save money.

Indeed it is. Like you, Budgetbabe is a longtime poster on MSE and maybe has turned to the forum for a level of support and understanding that she may have received in the past. hence my offer that she pm me rather than posting it all on the forum.

Many of the posts on this part of the MSE forums are not related to money saving. A little generosity towards her in a time of need wouldn't go amiss!

Dunroamin

fluffnutter wrote: »

Every time I've been to see the consultant with my OH they've reiterated the message about having support and that they're happy to see me there with him. Brother and father are both quacks and they say the same. My best friend's dad recently died of cancer and the whole family was involved in his care right from the off; he was encouraged to share with his family, did so, and every time he subsequently saw the consultant he took a couple of family members along and they were very much welcomed. When the OH was in hospital most recently the guy in the bed opposite was given a cancer diagnosis whilst surrounded by his visiting family. The doc came over said 'we've got the results of your tests', he asked whether his family should leave, doc replied 'it's entirely up to you but we like to discuss things with the whole family'. All the appointment letters the OH gets from the hospital say 'feel free to bring a family member or friend with you'.

In my experience, every health care professional has encouraged family support. It actually makes their job easier because when giving someone a difficult diagnosis, like cancer, they find that the patient often doesn't take anything in (understandably). It's far easier for them to have someone else there who can ask questions/discuss things.

As I've said it's ultimately up to the patient and their wishes are paramount. But, from the medical profession's perspective, they like family involvement. Better for them, better for the patient, better for the family (in most circumstances).

When I was diagnosed with cancer the nurse in charge laughed at me when I said I wanted my husband to be there and said it wasn't usual:eek:. I was eventually told when I bumped into the doctor in the corridor on my way back from the loo "oh, didn't you know?:eek::eek:)

You must have been very fortunate in seeing all these consultants because, apart from my very first appointment at St Thomas' I never saw one and, in fact, never saw the same doctor twice. The same was true of both my husband and my father, at two different hospitals.

The only time either of us has seen a consultant is when we've paid privately, never on the NHS. I'm really happy that you've had such personalised care but I don't think that you should assume that this is the norm in many hospitals.