Bladder/Bowel Cancer

Barneysmom

floss2 wrote: »

I think your father is of the "don't discuss" generation. I would respect his privacy - it may be one of the few things he has control over right now.

BTW, I have a close friend who was diagnosed with bowel & bladder cancer over 9 years ago - he did have 2 "bags" but now only has 1 after a repair, and is the only fundraiser survivor of his cancers for Christies in Manchester. He's now in his late 50's, and has seen some dark times, but he is still very much alive & kicking

Hi budget babe, your dad is the same age as mine (he has lymphoma) and they are also of the 'don't question the doctor' age so there might be things he doesn't even know himself.

I hope - if it is a biopsy - that the results are good.
I can't even bring myself to say the c word after what my hubby's been through, but I hope and pray everything is good for you and your family xxxx ((((HUGSAZILLIONFORYOU)))) xxxx

Poppy9

Your father may just have assumed it's cancer. From experience when doctors are pretty sure it's cancer before surgery they will hold back from saying it outright until it's biopsied as they try to keep the patient positive.

Your father needs your positivity not your tears and he's trying to protect you and your mother. Perhaps that is why he's keeping it to himself.

My mother had terminal bowel cancer over twenty years ago and she never wanted to talk to us about it so we all just hid our tears and tried to stay cheery. The priest told us that she talked to him though.

My sister had a brain tumour. It was all very sudden as in the space of 2 weeks she went from being "well" to being very ill. She only had 4 weeks from diagnosis to dying and the surgeon didn't give any hint how poor her prognosis was before or after the op and it was only after the biopsy results and internet research we knew how bad it was.

My sister did want to talk about her illness and dying at times but not with her children. It's so hard as I felt I was letting her down with my tears but it's such an emotional subject when someone is telling you that they are not scared for them self but for their family left behind and how they feel they are being a burden.

I do think your father needs to talk and voice his fears etc. is there someone in the extended family or friend he could talk to. While he will know that you and your mother know the reality of his illness he may just not want to share it with you to protect you and you have to respect that.

big5

My mum is having keyhole surgery tomorrow and I know she is worried about it, but she will not talk about it and acts like it's not a big deal. She only told me she was having the operation when she found out that my dad had told my husband - I don't know when or if she'd have told me at all otherwise. The doctors don't think she has cancer (hopefully the biopsy will reveal what the problem is), but you're not the only one with a stubborn, secretive parent!

I hope your dad gets good news from the hospital, keeping my fingers crossed for you.

budget_babe

Thank you all for your very kind comments. :A

Hugs to everyone who is also struggling with this awful cancer situation. For all the progress that we have made over the years it seems that this disease is the one that we cannot as yet find a cure for.

Nooneknowsme, hugs to you and your Mum and I am so sorry to read your story, you and your Mum have shown great strength in what you have dealt with so far, please take care both of you. xxx

Poppy9 so sorry to hear your story it is very sad, its a hard thing for a mother to know that she won't be here to see her children grow, that must have been so hard for you. Take care. xxx

Big5 I hope your Mum goes on ok tomorrow, big hugs. xxx

JackieB Hugs and take care. xxx Barneysmom you too. xxx

ab.da54 no you haven't spoke out of turn and thank you. xxx

Thank you to everyone else, Your comments are much appreciated. I do have a very good friend whose father sadly died of cancer 2 years ago, because of her loss I feel that I cannot speak too much about it as she is still so very upset and I don't want to bring up things that are still so raw.

I will be ok when I know what I have to deal with, its the not knowing that is the problem. But it seems that there are alot of us that are going through the same thing. We can only hope for the best and stay strong.

Take Care everyone.
Budgie xxx

Poppy9

budget_babe wrote: »

TI do have a very good friend whose father sadly died of cancer 2 years ago, because of her loss I feel that I cannot speak too much about it as she is still so very upset and I don't want to bring up things that are still so raw.
x

I think your friend might be the best placed to talk to you. She maybe holding back as she may think you will be thinking "but they couldn't cure your father". You might find it a comfort to cry together.

Two years down the line she will have come to terms with his death but the sadness will remain with her for life. Almost 25 years later I sometimes cry because I feel sad when I am telling my DD about the grandmother she never knew. It's okay to cry.

If you are not sure how to broach it with your friend, maybe a text message saying you are feeling low/confused/scared etc. and see if she offers to talk to you about it.

As my DD loves to say PMA Mum, PMA.

All I would say is that those most able to cope are the ones who are challenged in life.

margaretclare

Unfortunately there is not that much room inside the pelvis, the bladder and bowel are in very close proximity in men (no uterus!) so it is easy for one to transmit to the other. I am very sorry.

getcarter

My mum found out 3 weeks ago she had bowel (very nearly blocked up), liver and lung cancer, we found out thurs it had gone to her brain, shes booked in for palliative chemotherapy on mon, this was booked before they discovered it was in her brain.......it's affecting her more and more despite the tablets. Don't know what will happen tomorrow......

Everyone copes differently, my mum talks about it quite openly, we joke about her bucket list and the fact I keep telling her to clean out her house so I won't have to do it later.

hazyjo

My dad had bowel cancer (ruptured while on holiday in Kenya 5.5 years ago - things got about as bad as they could - pneumonia, pleurisy, peritonitis, septicemia... but he got through all that).

It had reached his lymph nodes too which I understand can transport it to other organs. He then got it in his liver ('scooped' it out) and recovered from that, then got it in his lungs. Still an ongoing battle with that one - he had a major op last year and they got some of it, but other nodules have appeared since, and one was left on the other lung as they could only operate on one at a time.

All that doesn't even mention the worst thing he had being a hernia - the mesh they inserted caused an infection, he was in and out of hospital every day for around 13 months for 'packing' of the open wound, drainage, abscesses, etc, let alone the 2 or 3 ops he had in regard to it all. (Plus eye problems which means he's now registered partially sighted.)

It's been a nightmare, but several rounds of chemo have helped and you must always have hope. Excuse the bluntness, but if we'd dug my dad's grave every time something went wrong, we'd be in Oz by now!

My dad is a walking miracle, I know (he's just turned 70). But so are others.

Try to establish if it's the same cancer that has spread or if it's a new cancer. They should be able to say if they're linked. It's 'better' to have the former rather than it being a new cancer.

Your dad might not want you to know the ins and outs. Are you so anxious to find out all the facts because you think he's hiding something, or because you want to know if this is terminal, or if it's something that you want to know because you want to know all the facts about your dad's illness?

I remember my dad in hospital saying 'don't let the kids know' (my sis's 3 kids). But they already knew their grandad was in hospital and pretty much knew the facts. If we'd not been in the room, he'd probably have said not to tell me or my sister too and we were in out mid/late 30s at the time!

When my cousin died of cancer (in his 30s), he forbid his mum to tell anyone. She was desperate to tell my mum (her sister), but couldn't until he had nearly died. My mum visited him in hospital, and was obviously griefstricken for her sister who'd had to go through all this alone, but that was my cousin's wishes. Some people just see it as their private battle and don't want to tell anyone, even immediate family.

Hope things aren't as bad as you're thinking. It's tough, but there are things that can be done, and it sounds like they're looking after him and doing all they can.

All the best,

Jx

budget_babe

HazyJo goodness you have all been through such alot, (()) hugs and take care. xxx
Get Carter hugs to you also, (()) xxx

Well Dad has had a letter today and has an appointment with his consultant next Wednesday, I though it would say more in the letter though.

So another week to go?

Take Care
Budgie xxx

jackieb

It's tough waiting. Bad enough for us, but must be as lot worse for them. Just try and keep things as normal as possible for your Dad. xx