Advice for a friend

mithuthecat

A very good friend has aked me for advice on a personal matter but I am not certain about the whys and wherefores so hoping members on here can help me out. So here goes and yes this is bound to raise some negative posts as well.
My friend is married and having an affair, wife knows and as you can imagine not happy, divorce has been mentioned amongst other things, his girlfriend has suggested that they pack up what they can into her car and just up and go,like running away and start a new life together, now both have little money, and my friend said if they turn up at some distant town and go to the council and say they are homeless, no job, no nothing what can they expect to recieve, my thoughts are that as he has walked out on everything including his job that I doubt he will get anything for at least 26 weeks, plus he has made himself intentionally homeless, as regarding benefits I do not think he will be entitled to anything,but may be wrong, any thoughts or input would be appreciated so I can pass onto him for his reaction

msnigella

I wouldn't imagine he'd get anything in a hurry if he's quit his job and chosen to leave his home. I think genuinely homeless people have to wait until accommodation is availabe so they would be able to just turn up and be handed keys to a flat.

If they really want to leave and start again they should save as much money as they can and wait until they have the security of knowing they have enough to rent a small place and get by until they find jobs.

I'd also encourage him to let those around him, including his wife, know what he is planning. It would be cruel to just disapppear without any notice and how could she divorce him if she didn't know where he was?

tea_lover

If he is entitled to anything I'd be very surprised. He has a home (and a job?) and would be choosing to leave that of his own free will.

Plus, tbh, he sounds like a right kn0b.

londonsurrey

The help that the girlfriend happily expects does not just happen like that.

If he were my friend, I'd tell him straight out that he was being a total tw*t (and the asterisk is not an "i") for :

- having the affair

- having not even the good taste to choose something with two brain cells

- compounding it by believing her la-la "everyone will give us stuff" line

- and that if he does do as she proposes, he will deserve everything that happens to him, so please don't expect sympathy from me when it happens

- he's supposed to be grown up, so start thinking like one

tea_lover

mithuthecat wrote: »

his girlfriend has suggested that they pack up what they can into her car and just up and go,

and at the risk of getting flamed for being pedantic she's not his girlfriend. He's a married man. She's his t*rt.

McKneff

His wife knows about the affair and he's still living in the same house:eek:

His clothes and belonging would be strewn all over the front lawn if he was mine.

Why doesnt he just leave and move in with her now.

And I agree with the other poster, about hime being a kNob

19lottie82

If they did what she has suggested, at the very most, the council MIGHT bung them in a homeless shelter packed to the rafters with fleas, junkies and the like and give them a very small grant, that if they are lucky, might be enough to feed themselves for a few days on value baked beans. Or then again, they MIGHT NOT.

I don't understand their / her logic. As another poster has said, why doesn't he just leave his wife and move in with her? What would be the point in chucking away accomodation and jobs? (I'm presuming they have these)

amyloofoo

OP, you say divorce has been mentioned, why isn't this being actively sought? If he already has a girlfriend and is serious enough about wanting to be with her / not wanting to be with his wife then surely the sensible course is to move in with her, or into a hotel, or with family, etc and file for divorce? Anything else is stupid at best and extremely cowardly and scrounging at worst.

I have to say that even if I was friends with him and not his wife, in your position I would probably be less concerned about what benefits he can scrounge which he blatently doensn't need and more concerned about how his wife will react to his cowardice and selfishness when he disappears following betraying her.

bargainbetty

If he has a job and financial resources, he can move out of the family home and find a flat without having to give everything up. This silly bint is asking him to leave his friends, community, job and life in general to live on the dole... I echo the condemnation of his taste in women these days.

The likelihood is he will get nothing except absolute crisis support. Intentionally homeless, intentionally jobless, and intentionally running away from his debts and commitments. Can't see the creditors (credit cards etc) being too sympathetic either. How romantic is that? They can go to the foodbank hand-in-hand, in the knowledge that the precious resources envisioned for those in true need are being given to them because they were too immature to behave like grown-ups and clean up their mess properly.

Any chance this is just a mid-life crisis and his wife can be persuaded to take his lying, cheating sorry a$$ back and let him rebuild his trust over the next five years? (Once he has been scrubbed down with bleach, presumably).

pogofish

mithuthecat wrote: »

his girlfriend has suggested that they pack up what they can into her car and just up and go,like running away and start a new life together, now both have little money, and my friend said if they turn up at some distant town and go to the council and say they are homeless, no job, no nothing what can they expect to recieve,

Have you asked your "friend" what hopes of an actual, real, adult relationship he has with someone living in fairytale land?

jetplane

Oh he's a great catch and the other woman is just brilliant these two will go far in life. She has a car they can live in that.:D

bargainbetty your post is so funny

This silly bint

I can't stop laughing but it is spot on.

Why would anyone want to jump into a car and run away just because they can? Why can't he man up and move out?

I can't bring myself to advise on their homeless / benefits situation as they need to take some responsibility and that includes not abandoning the wife without warning, not expecting the state to pick up the pieces for them and not asking a friend to help them out :eek: