What to do when someone is terminally ill.

Rockporkchop

Sorry about your sad situation. Have you ever seen these flowercards? You could get one of the suggested messages printed on the front. I have sent them before and they are really lovely and well received, and also don't take up so much room, in case the person is being sent a lot of flowers.

http://www.flowercard.co.uk/products/berry-butterflies-v2

jinty271

Rockporkchop wrote: »

Sorry about your sad situation. Have you ever seen these flowercards? You could get one of the suggested messages printed on the front. I have sent them before and they are really lovely and well received, and also don't take up so much room, in case the person is being sent a lot of flowers.

http://www.flowercard.co.uk/products/berry-butterflies-v2

Wow - this is perfect ! Flowers and a card all in one. I clicked the link, and thought - YES !

Thank you. And I will use a mixture of " got-its" and "eleanor" s message.

You guys are the best - Thank you .

Armchair23

Don't send flowers. The space next to a bed may be tiny and flowers can actually be a real hassle (husband died last year in hospice so not a random comment). A card or letter that someone can read out is a beautiful thing.
Sometimes the person dying is in a condition where it's distressing for all concerned for a visit to take place.
Talk if you can to those who are closest and see what would be their suggestion. It's not always an easy place to be but patience and kindness will help you do the best thing XX

jinty271

meritaten wrote: »

- usually with an anecdote about earlier days which sometimes provided much needed 'comic relief'!............
I would send a letter hun - recalling a much loved memory of Aunty and saying that you will remember that time with love.

Should I mention in the letter, that my 2 x abiding memories of Auntie, were of being so cross because on my first visit to Spain, she dragged us all to Burger King, or should I mention the Ann Summers party.....

This cheered me up... thank you x

floss2

meritaten wrote: »

I find it strange that your friend has said only close family - because when my FIL and MIL had terminal cancer they took great comfort in seeing 'friends'....

This may be what the person has asked for themselves, not everyone is able to deal with facing a terminal diagnosis in the same way.

When my father was terminally ill with cancer, he was happy to see family & friends if they wanted to see him, but was not offended if some couldn't face how accepting he was of his fate.

However, when my mother was terminally ill with brain cancer, only her priest, her very close friends and family saw her in the last few weeks as she was not the person we knew & loved, and indeed latterly could not communicate or recognise anyone.

It may be that the illness has changed this person from the friend you have spent such happy times with, and her family wish her friends to remember her as she was and not as she now is.

jinty271

Armchair23 wrote: »

Don't send flowers. The space next to a bed may be tiny and flowers can actually be a real hassle (husband died last year in hospice so not a random comment). A card or letter that someone can read out is a beautiful thing. a poster shared a link for a space - saving card, with some flowers in it - I think this is perfect
Sometimes the person dying is in a condition where it's distressing for all concerned for a visit to take place. I think this is exactly the case in this situation, poor Auntie has breathing issues and is distressed
Talk if you can to those who are closest and see what would be their suggestion. It's not always an easy place to be but patience and kindness will help you do the best thing XX

Thankyou so much for taking the time to post , and for your kind wishes xx

gien

My advice to you is to write what is in your heart. I've been in a similar situation to this a few times now put off writing the letter to say how much I had enjoyed/loved the person. When I then told their loved ones how I felt the response was always, 'ahh s/he would have loved to have heard that from you'.
Always be true to your heart.

Person_one

jinty271 wrote: »

Thankyou so much for taking the time to post , and for your kind wishes xx

I'd say avoid all flowers if there are breathing issues, due to the pollen.

There are some really beautiful cards out there though.

snozberry

I wouldn't send flowers - a card would be better and, hopefully, you will able to see her soon. I know that everyone is different but, when my mum died, we didn't turn anyone away. Even when she was in her coma we welcomed all friends purely because terminal illness affects everyone and friends needed the opportunity to say goodbye. Having said that, we didn't take offence to those who didn't come. People close to death aren't the same people who you knew (if that makes sense!)

It's a horrible time for you. Just send a card, have some time for yourself and be there for your friend because (s)he will need you soon.

Nicki

Have you a photograph of you both sharing a happy time? You could perhaps pop that in a card and say you've just come across it and it reminded you of how much fun you had on x occasion. Which might remind her of happy times and also get across how much she has meant to you, but in a manageable way for her?