What to do when someone is terminally ill.

jinty271

A Brief background.

The aunt of my very close friend is terminally ill.

I have met this Aunt on many, many occasions, including going away on holiday to Spain for my friend's 40th. The Aunt and I have had many good times and lots of laughs together, and I am very fond of her. We get on extremely well, even though , due to distance, we only met up every year or so.

She was diagnosed about a year and a half ago with lung cancer, and initially the prognosis was fair.

This has now, as of today, changed, and we are looking at 15 weeks ( strange number? ) at the outside.

I have spoken to my friend, and she has expressed that Auntie is too poorly to accept visitors except for immediate family.

I would like to send a gift, or flowers, or a letter or just something, to let Auntie know she is in our thoughts. My friend agrees this would be an appropriate gesture.

I am now stuck ! I would like to send a letter, or flowers, or something, but I have no idea how I can put across to Aunt how much she has meant to me over the years, or how sad I am that we are going to lose her, in a mannerly way.

I want to say " Sorry you are dying, and I am so sad we are going to lose you" , but obviously I can't say that.

Appreciate any feedback or suggestions.

Tropez

You could perhaps Google some poetry about losing loved ones as I'm sure there's plenty of examples of poetry written from the perspective of somebody who is about to lose someone. Once you've read some examples perhaps you could try and use this for some ideas and inspiration on how you could personalise this to your own situation?

got-it-spend-it

I would probably send flowers saying something like "Thinking of you and remembering all the good times we've shared".

Gingham_R

I think this is a lovely idea.

I think I'd send flowers with a note saying how much she means to you and that you are thinking of her. I'd probably put in some anecdotes reflecting the things you love about her.

I wouldn't personally talk of being sad to be losing her. I'd make it a celebration of your relationship.

x

Lotus-eater

got-it-spend-it wrote: »

I would probably send flowers saying something like "Thinking of you and remembering all the good times we've shared".

I think that's about perfect. :T

jinty271

Thank you guys - very sensible, rational suggestions, I guess my brain is not thinking straight tonight, now that she it too poorly for visitors, I know that I won't ever see her again, so I am a bit sad. Thankyou x

eleanor73

How about buying (or making) a pretty card that's blank inside. Write a friendly and bubbly message inside (maybe recalling a previous joke or experience) and really the main message needs to be that you are thinking of her. It is hard to phrase as I have been in the same position and you can't write 'get well soon' or 'hope to see you soon'. When I did it I think I just wrote something like 'I saw this pretty card and thought of you. I am thinking about you a lot at the moment and hope you are doing ok. Lots of love and wishes, (your name).' Maybe a bit amateur but apparently it went down well. Good luck.

Tiddlywinks

got-it-spend-it wrote: »

I would probably send flowers saying something like "Thinking of you and remembering all the good times we've shared".

This is it - you want to say that you are thinking of her and sorry to hear she is feeling so poorly.

Maybe then insert a funny memory or a photo with 'remember this?' on it.... and then thank her for sharing so many good times with you. Finish with a 'much love and best wishes'.

I would avoid too much mushy stuff as it can be overwhelming if that is all she gets. Better to remember fond times and let her know she is appreciated and loved.

jinty271

eleanor73 wrote: »

'I saw this pretty card and thought of you. I am thinking about you a lot at the moment - Lots of love and wishes, (your name).'.

This is perfect - thank you

Lotus-eater

Kudos to you for wanting to go and see her as well. I know it's very difficult to see someone you know will die in a short time.
I'm not very good at it and always manage to put my foot in my mouth somehow.

meritaten

I find it strange that your friend has said only close family - because when my FIL and MIL had terminal cancer they took great comfort in seeing 'friends'! indeed we spent time tracking down people who were friends in their earlier lives and encouraged them to visit, but always warned them that FIL and MIL were extremely ill and much changed from the people they remembered. Those who couldnt visit often sent letters or cards - usually with an anecdote about earlier days which sometimes provided much needed 'comic relief'!
Your friend may be trying to spare people pain - but those visits from friends often cheered my FIL up no end - MIL too. and in one or two cases often healed a breach.
I would send a letter hun - recalling a much loved memory of Aunty and saying that you will remember that time with love.