With friends like these who needs enemies

robotmode

Why are some women such witches!

A year ago DH and I had what we thought were a nice group of friends. Then a few months ago I got the distinct impression that one of the women had taken a dislike to me, but thought I was just being a bit paranoid as some new people came to the area who were welcomed into the group and she seemed to want them to herself. LBS, but over the last few months it has become apparent to us that this woman has been inviting the rest of the group out and not us. This morning one of the group accidentally let slip something and confirmed my suspicions.

I feel really hurt, I haven't done anything to this woman and while all our friends are enjoying evenings out we are being excluded. I shrugged it off to my other friend when I said we hadn't been invited and I could tell she was embarrassed about it, but if I organised an event I'm sure they all wouldn't come without questioning where this woman and her DH were.

It's a small village and everyone seems to have their own little groups and at the moment I just feel like moving away from all this.

Is it just me or do other people get this from their so called friends????

j.e.j.

It's a bit hard to say what her problem with you could be, but evidently she's decided she "doesn't like you any more".. which sounds like something you'd expect to encounter in a playground at primary school!

There's surely no reason why you should avoid the others and them you, though? Or are you being ostracised from the whole group because of something she's said?

I try to avoid these cliquey types if I can (and yes, it does seem to be more often women than men) Live your own life and let 'em all get on with it

Hermia

What has happened when you have organised events during this period? Have the other women/couples come along? If so, I doubt the rest of them dislike you or are are listening to what she is saying (if she is badmouthing you that is). To be honest if I got invited to something I wouldn't necessarily be concerned if someone else wasn't there. I would probably just assume they were busy or the organiser thought they wouldn't enjoy it. I don't get involved in cliques though. I would just go on organising your own nights out with the people you like and not worrying if other nights out are going on without you.

Scrapaholic

Hermia wrote: »

What has happened when you have organised events during this period? Have the other women/couples come along? If so, I doubt the rest of them dislike you or are are listening to what she is saying (if she is badmouthing you that is). To be honest if I got invited to something I wouldn't necessarily be concerned if someone else wasn't there. I would probably just assume they were busy or the organiser thought they wouldn't enjoy it. I don't get involved in cliques though. I would just go on organising your own nights out with the people you like and not worrying if other nights out are going on without you.

As above . Try not to be hurt or take it personally . Maybe she doesn't like you , maybe you just think she doesn't . Some people we like + others not so much . Just carry on living your life as it's not worth spending time worrying about things like this .

thistledome

Hermia wrote: »

I don't get involved in cliques though.

Me too! Like the OP I live in a very small village and this kind of thing happens all the time. Unfortunately when you live in such a small place it's really hard to avoid this kind of nonsense.

OP, I don't see what else you can do without really knowing why this person has decided to exclude you. Have you thought about asking her if you've done anything to upset her? The trouble is you'll need the tact of a diplomat to sort this out without making it worse. I do feel for you.

There's no easy solution here, not with it being such a small community. I don't suppose there's a vicar or someone you could trust to be uber-discreet and do a bit of fishing?

cottonhead

I had this too and it was becauase the new friend on the scene liked doing things that I wasnt into - like clubbing and going to bars. My friend enjoyed those things so she would go out with the other girl and not invite me and I felt really hurt and left out at first. One day she introduced the 'new girl' to someone else as her best friend. Sounds silly but I felt gutted at the time. In the end we parted ways as we had just grown apart and had different interests.
There could be another reason though - something as silly as she feels threatended by you or feels jealous. You know how silly woman can be ! Even being slimmer or having a nicer house can push people away and they are not real friends anyway. I have to say its this kind of carry on that made me change my mind about moving to a small village. I would be known as the village outcast as I prefer my own company !
You could just ask her tactfully and see what she says. If there is no reason I would just let it drop. Its her loss.

BitterAndTwisted

I would never, ever ask a direct question of the non-inviter. She's either a cow and you'll give her the satisfaction of knowing you've noticed being snubbed or she's ignorant and thoughtless. Who wants a "friend" of either kind? I'd suddenly get very busy spending time with other people who are much more interesting. Either the gilt will wear off with these new chums or it won't. Either way, you'll be too busy having a good time to notice.

Nicki

Are you not invited out at all any more, or just not invited to events organised by one woman? If all the other members of the group still invite you when they are organising things I wouldn't be too bothered about this, and just organise your own stuff and go on outings organised by the others and forget that they all sometimes go out without you.

If the others don't invite you out though, then it may be time to find a new circle of friends, as the whole group has moved on without you. Most of us change our social circles more than once during our lives as we get older and interests change. It isn't a sign you are a horrible or an unpopular person, just a question that your life is possibly moving in slightly different directions to your current peer group and you have less in common with them than you once did.

Person_one

I think the best way to resolve this one way or the other is to just be upfront.

Some people rely on other people not wanting to cause a fuss, or being embarrassed, and get away with exclusionary behaviour like this.

Face it head on, speak to her and say "I've realised you've been excluding me and DH, we're really upset that you don't want to spend time with us anymore, have we done something to offend you? Can we work it out and have a fresh start?"

FatVonD

Person_one wrote: »

Some people rely on other people not wanting to cause a fuss, or being embarrassed, and get away with exclusionary behaviour like this.

I think this is so true but if she's really such a *female dog* aren't you best off out of it?

I was excluded from a couple of gatherings with my ante-natal group 'friends', fortunately the friendships had run their course and I was so disinterested in their constant b1tching that it went way over my head and I only found out months later :rotfl:

Sambucus_Nigra

robotmode wrote: »

Why are some women such witches!

A year ago DH and I had what we thought were a nice group of friends. Then a few months ago I got the distinct impression that one of the women had taken a dislike to me, but thought I was just being a bit paranoid as some new people came to the area who were welcomed into the group and she seemed to want them to herself. LBS, but over the last few months it has become apparent to us that this woman has been inviting the rest of the group out and not us. This morning one of the group accidentally let slip something and confirmed my suspicions.

I feel really hurt, I haven't done anything to this woman and while all our friends are enjoying evenings out we are being excluded. I shrugged it off to my other friend when I said we hadn't been invited and I could tell she was embarrassed about it, but if I organised an event I'm sure they all wouldn't come without questioning where this woman and her DH were.

It's a small village and everyone seems to have their own little groups and at the moment I just feel like moving away from all this.

Is it just me or do other people get this from their so called friends????

We live in a small village and try to keep out of things like this. But my angle would be to either speak to someone who you think IS your friend and find out whether you are being gossipped about and deal with that - or host an event yourself and see what happens - or just ignore it and go off and do your own thing. If your 'friends' aren't sticking up for you with this woman then they aren't really your friends. Sorry.