Matchmaking sites - the answer?

OptimusNemesis

Hi all,

You may have seen my earlier thread about finding a geeky/nerdy partner. Well, after being messed about for the umpteenth time on OKCupid, I've decided dating sites aren't for me. I've had a few dates on there but all of them have turned out to be weird or just wanting to mess me about.

I'm a nice enough guy, not bad looking, have my own house, savings, etc. and want to eventually have my own family. I don't want things to carry on this way until it's too late so I'm now looking at alternatives.

I've really narrowed it down to two - a paid dating site or a matchmaking service. I'm currently leaning towards the latter given that I haven't come across a paid service that can identify paying and non-paying members and prevent more time wasting.

Matchmaking services seem to be much more expensive but would be worth the money if they could find me someone who is nice, around my age and reasonably sane!

I've been looking at Searchmate - apparently they were involved in the tv show 'The Undateables'. Expensive but, like I say, if this helps me find someone worthwhile then I don't care about using a small bit of my savings on this.

Does anyone have any experience of using a matchmaking service?

Thanks

- G

shegirl

I think finding people to be 'weird' or wanting to mess about can happen anywhere,not exclusively from dating sites.

I can't help with the whole dating site/match making site thing,as although recently single,I've never looked for a relationship in my life -it's not me!BUT I do think maybe you should show us your profile so we can see if there is anything that may help or if there's anything that's attracting the weirdos

I also think you should relax a bit though

OptimusNemesis

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. I was a bit down last night when I posted that - have just had the fifth person in the space of a month just suddenly disappear after telling me how 'wonderful' they thought I was. Very odd behaviour!

I'm usually a pretty upbeat person but I guess I'm finding it a bit frustrating.

Apparently I can't post links but if you go to OKCupid - my profile name is OptimusNemesis (all one word).

Thanks

- G

shegirl

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. I was a bit down last night when I posted that - have just had the fifth person in the space of a month just suddenly disappear after telling me how 'wonderful' they thought I was. Very odd behaviour!

I'm usually a pretty upbeat person but I guess I'm finding it a bit frustrating.

Apparently I can't post links but if you go to OKCupid - my profile name is OptimusNemesis (all one word).

Thanks

- G

Not surprised you feel down,if that's the case.Just remember if they do that then they weren't right for you anyway

Will have a look in a bit.

shegirl

I think you need to share your folder of shame with us:p

OptimusNemesis

shegirl wrote: »

Not surprised you feel down,if that's the case.Just remember if they do that then they weren't right for you anyway

True but I don't understand why so many do that. I'll meet them, they'll seem nice then a day or so later they'll text or call and say how much they enjoyed meeting and that they would love to meet again. I'll say ok and then they'll either disappear straight away or they'll act weird for a while and then disappear. I don't really see what's achieved by that so I just don't get it...

As for the folder of shame - in the interest of keeping what's left of my dignity, I'm not going to divulge the contents of that on here! ;-)

- G

Seanymph

I'd take out some exclamation marks - I use them a lot myself and know how much they annoy a high percentage of the population because they keep telling me. Can't seem to help myself though.

I'd also edit it down a bit to sound a bit less 'desperate' - women don't like desperate - they like confident men with a plan.

I also wonder about the wisdom of asking for something specific in your partner - that she is 'geeky' and clever and prepared to teach you stuff - fertile - special - prepared to talk about herself - interested in aliens - prepared to make a fool of herself - funny......

And that's just on first reading! (see).

I didn't extrapolate (sp?) it verbatim, but for me it would be too wordy (what would we talk about?) - and ask too much of me. I know geeky people who wouldn't 'own' that - clever people who are humble about their intelligence - and very few women who would think they could measure up to your expectations.

For me reading a profile like that should be about the person writing it - a bit like a cv - short enough to interest - and not too demanding of me as a consumer.

I'd knock out about 50% of the 'what I am reading' text - take out several 'needy' lines, and delete a lot of 'what I want from you' text.

I think you come across as great - but less of it would leave somewhere to go and put off less people.

You seem to have a definite idea of the woman you want, and a lot of women would be put off by offering themselves up against such a blueprint.

You may find you have a ball with someone who is intelligent but not geeky - or focused on another area and prepared to learn...... I would worry that you were 'closed down' to many people, and that you were so prescriptive over what you were looking for from someone that you weren't a very open or approachable invdividual.

*offering feedback because you asked only - it's fine as it is - I can only speak for myself as a woman if I read it *

SaveMoreMoney

Don't give up is my advice.

I read this thread and your previous one and despite not logging in for 4+ years I wanted to tell you the above.........just don't give up.

Nearly 5 years ago, I was similar to you - own house, savings, I was decent guy, just wanted a wife and family.

Well now I have them.............except the savings. And I'm just about to take my baby off to a sing song class at the local library. Sometimes I have to pinch myself and I cannot believe what has happened in my life.

You have to want it to happen, then make it happen.

I'll post up some more later, but I have to go in a few mins.....I can hear my baby stiring from her morning sleep.

Defo on a pay-site people are serious and there are far less timewasters.

I met my wife on Match, and I had tried a few of the pay sites. Work out was is absolutely essential on your 'wish-list' and then it is basically a numbers game..........no point finding 'miss x' if she lives 300 miles away !

*************************

Seanymph

ah - just read your latest 'a day or so later they text or call'....... If I've had a date and the man wants to indicate his interest I would expect a text within hours - if not the next morning.

As do my daughters (who are now dating - showing my age).

A 'that was lovely, would like to see you again' text after returning home is normal - or the next morning 'thanks for that, would you like to go to xxxx next week'.

It's a much more rapid follow up now than it used to be - and you, as a woman, want to be reassured of the mans interest and desire to see you again quickly - the quicker the more interest - if I had to chase a bloke 'after a few days' and suggest seeing him and only got 'ok' I'd think he wasn't interested and wander off.

shegirl

Seanymph wrote: »

I'd take out some exclamation marks - I use them a lot myself and know how much they annoy a high percentage of the population because they keep telling me. Can't seem to help myself though.

I'd also edit it down a bit to sound a bit less 'desperate' - women don't like desperate - they like confident men with a plan.

I also wonder about the wisdom of asking for something specific in your partner - that she is 'geeky' and clever and prepared to teach you stuff - fertile - special - prepared to talk about herself - interested in aliens - prepared to make a fool of herself - funny......

And that's just on first reading! (see).

I didn't extrapolate (sp?) it verbatim, but for me it would be too wordy (what would we talk about?) - and ask too much of me. I know geeky people who wouldn't 'own' that - clever people who are humble about their intelligence - and very few women who would think they could measure up to your expectations.

For me reading a profile like that should be about the person writing it - a bit like a cv - short enough to interest - and not too demanding of me as a consumer.

I'd knock out about 50% of the 'what I am reading' text - take out several 'needy' lines, and delete a lot of 'what I want from you' text.

I think you come across as great - but less of it would leave somewhere to go and put off less people.

You seem to have a definite idea of the woman you want, and a lot of women would be put off by offering themselves up against such a blueprint.

You may find you have a ball with someone who is intelligent but not geeky - or focused on another area and prepared to learn...... I would worry that you were 'closed down' to many people, and that you were so prescriptive over what you were looking for from someone that you weren't a very open or approachable invdividual.

*offering feedback because you asked only - it's fine as it is - I can only speak for myself as a woman if I read it *

I agree with the above.

Personally,I would remove the bits about how you like looking into someones eyes and telling them how you feel about them etc as not only will that possibly attract the desperate and also makes you look a little desperate.

I'd remove the bit about owning your own house too.

I think you should relax it a little and think more along the lines of yourself as a person and the readers as the people they are rather than having set interests and qualities.As much as you and they may have them,it may not be what they define themselves by and things they consider so much.

podperson

Apologies, didn't see the other thread so may be repeating advice you've already had. If you're looking for someone who shares your interests you might have more chance of meeting them at events related to those interests. Have you checked your area for sci-fi groups, book clubs, film groups, role play groups (maybe check they have female members beforehand for the last one!) also a lot of 'geeky' girls (myself included) are into alternative music so try clubs/pubs/gigs for that in your area. I used to live in a fairly small town and there was only one pub/club that played that kind of music so pretty much everyone would head down there at weekends.

Most of my friends are geeky and ways they have met their partners are through friends - your friends will no doubt know other people with similar interests so ask them if they know anyone - a few through online forums or online games (though one friend met his fiancee through an online game and she lives in Sweden which brings its own set of problems entirely ). Another friend met a girl he dated for a while at a comic con-type event.

Also, I wouldn't rule people out just because they may not straight away seem 'geeky'. When I met my OH I didn't think he seemed my type at all, it was in a dance music club, which I hated and had dragged along to, he was dressed quite trendily etc and my snap judgement was that we would have very little in common. But once we actually started chatting I realised he was into most of the same music as me, sci-fi, fantasy, films, comics, etc. Plus over time you tend to pick up a lot of each others hobbies/interests anyway.

I must admit, I don't think I would have ever wanted to use a matchmaking service, it's a bit like pseudo science to my mind, but good luck with whatever you try.