SOA - Debt free wannabe

freshstart11

Personally, I find it hard to give my opinion on whether you should save some of it or not, without knowing if your OH is on board with this. I'm sure someone can add more though for you x

nemomum

Is there an app or a computer program where I could enter how much has been paid back and how much has been lost etc so it would be visually represented? It sounds really stupid but I think if he could see it then maybe he'd start to get it.

I think I'll secret away some little bits as an emergency fund out of my sales because if he knows it is there he will think of it as buffer space. I'm just going to get paying down those cards asap and I think I'll just have to take his cards away and give him an allowance.
His family will interfere though. They always want us to visit (which is nice really) but both sides of the family live far away so it costs a fortune and they take offence when we can't go for money reasons. Because we owe them money they have a hold over us in that way. I feel awful owing them money and want to pay towards that too. They keep bailing out hubby when he doesn't make ends meet and then we owe them more. I'm grateful they were able to help but the debt is so much more than just money and I'm the one who feels it.

MFWannabe

nemomum wrote: »

Is there an app or a computer program where I could enter how much has been paid back and how much has been lost etc so it would be visually represented? It sounds really stupid but I think if he could see it then maybe he'd start to get it.

I think I'll secret away some little bits as an emergency fund out of my sales because if he knows it is there he will think of it as buffer space. I'm just going to get paying down those cards asap and I think I'll just have to take his cards away and give him an allowance.
His family will interfere though. They always want us to visit (which is nice really) but both sides of the family live far away so it costs a fortune and they take offence when we can't go for money reasons. Because we owe them money they have a hold over us in that way. I feel awful owing them money and want to pay towards that too. They keep bailing out hubby when he doesn't make ends meet and then we owe them more. I'm grateful they were able to help but the debt is so much more than just money and I'm the one who feels it.

Hi
I'm sure there are free apps available to keep track of spending; i know one on here i've heard mentioned is EEBA; it's a sort of envelope system for putting monies into then keeping track of expenditure.
Could you have a seperate account with your existing bank?that way you could keep the one account for direct debits to come out of and the other account is for other expenditure, food, fuel etc.
Your husband needs to get on board with this; he has 2 young children to consider. Sit him down for a proper talk with no shouting; with a printed out soa to show him. Ask him for his input on the soa, does he think figures look okay, does he think he'll be able to work with the soa etc..
With reference to family your husband needs to explain your financial situation and that while you are both paying off debts its impossible for you to visit as often as you'd like. Also state that you want to get other debts paid asap so you can set up payments to them. He also needs to tell them to stop bailing him out, as long as they do this he will never face up to the fact he has to do this himself.
I hope things get better soon x

pippitypop

My partner used to be so forgettful when it came to account balances and charges. The way forward? 2 bank accounts one with our joint wages, with an agreed spending plan for debts per month. The other in a cashcard account with our disposal income in. Life is so much better now I took charge and made these changes. Obviously the OH had no choice

lazy_daisy

I'd like to agree with pippity's suggestion.
OH and I have a similar arrangement: one housekeeping account (Halifax Reward account to get the £5!) and our own spending accounts into which goes the same amount for each of us - when it's gone it's gone so we make sacrifices if we want something! We both have access to the housekeeping account but know if we buy anything for the house or kids we need to justify it to ourselves and keep each other informed. You could easily have a housekeeping account in one name so your OH can't get at it! Might be worth a try.
Good luck and chin up!
Daisy x

tallyhoh

My OH is totally useless with money. Everything is now in my name & all bills are paid out of my current account. All he has to do is hand his share over each month.
I might add that I know he's running up debts again buying rubbish but thats another story & its out of his own account.

ellesbellesxxx

I was going to suggest diff bank accounts as other people have too We have one which all our DDs come out of and we pay via standing order into it monthly

Really hope things pick up - well done you for being so proactive x

FBaby

What were all the loans spent on? Especially the very large family one not for a house deposit if you are renting. It is frustrating if your husband accrues unnecessary bank charges but surely the real problem and reason why you ATTE struggling are the loans.

MoneyMission

Hey Nemomum

My OH is a nightmare with money. Not a clue. He is the most kind, loving and generous man I know (lucky me!) but when it comes to money he really hasn't the foggiest. Its all like Monopoly money to him. He hasn't a grasp on the fact that if he spends £x there is then £x less to spend in the bank account. He also genuinely feels that he should have some sort of 'free money' to spend every month as he works hard. That was fine before we had the Tiddlywinks but is no longer sustainable.

I spent many years (yes, years!) trying to get him to change and I wanted him to be involved and 'man up' to the job but it never happened. I never wanted to be in charge of the money but if I weren't, we'd be in a big financial mess and would argue about money constantly. So, we have our salaries go into one account. I transfer to another account the exact amount to cover the DD's and bills. Whats left gets split three ways: his money, my money and other money. I give him his in cash. When its gone its gone.

Whilst I don't get that lovely warm feeling of being looked after and taken care of, I know that our reality is better than our alternative. We are strong together but I just happen to be better at money management. He can't be brilliant at everything!!

With this and all the other stories on here, I hope you know that you aren't alone in being the financially savvy one.

Take care
MM

nemomum

Another belter of a row. I made almost £70 at auction and he only paid in £40 of it. He held back a tenner and the rest went on unnecessary groceries. I make a pound and you'd think we've won the lottery. I just don't know how to talk about finances without blowing my top, I just can't do it. I'm so stressed out about it and he just looks at me like a dafty and says nothing. I don't understand how we can have so much debt without him seeing the mess we're in. I think the truth is that I have lived in the situation of having nothing and he hasn't. He seems to think all is well as long as we make the minimum repayments. He's mad, our whole life could go on like that. I am listening to your suggestions and will implement them, thank you for your help and interest. I'm just in shock really that I'm married to someone who is so utterly useless when it comes to money. Since November 2011 I have managed to bring in hundreds of extra pounds by spending every spare moment selling things and in all that time he has only managed to bring in an additional £50 for delivering some yellow pages (and even that cost a fortune in petrol and took forever). I think that the only sensible thing to do is to add up all the direct debits and bills and have an account for those and then send over any spare as others have suggested to a separate account. I think I have to take away all the cards too. I just can't trust him with them. He can have an emergency £20 note and that's it for now. Right now I just feel like I'm shackled to a complete moron and the nightmares I'm having, seriously, nightmares at my age! Nothing is giving him any lightbulb moment and I'm hoarse from yelling. Lack of money is the destructive force in our marriage but nobody is born able to bank, you have to be interested enough to get good at it. Enough moaning from me though. It's the 22nd so let's say this argument is a fresh start. From now until the end of the month I'll see what I can do financially but next month is the start of the new approach. I shall get all the direct debit money in the joint account and shift anything else to my account and give him an allowance from it. I'll manage all the household expenses. My SOA really isn't realistic, we do need to budget for emergencies etc, but right now I just want to start fresh with the actual way we manage our finances.