Advice please for living under same roof when seperating

GobbledyGook

BLUEBIE wrote: »

DS4215- Most are joint, there are a couple in his sole name, but to be fair we took them out together so don't have a problem paying them off.

Is he being fair an offering any of his savings to help pay them off?

In fact how has he managed to have savings if you both have debt - has he been expecting this and been looking after himself and not you all?

Please only be as fair as he is - don't take on all the debt if he's walking away with all of the savings. You need to look after you and the children.

thegirlintheattic

Do not pay off his debts!

daska

BLUEBIE wrote: »

DS4215- Most are joint, there are a couple in his sole name, but to be fair we took them out together so don't have a problem paying them off.

Then he should be using the savings to pay them off rather than walking away. Certainly should not leave you having to move house and volunteering to give him part of the equity. What a g!t.

Mrs_Arcanum

Advise his sole creditors he has moved to the Mistresses address. Do not pay his sole debts.
Get a cheap phone and stick your current sim in that - then leave it at home. Get a new sim & only give the number to people who you want & need in your life.
Get all his stuff & dump it in the spare room (include any joint stuff you do not want any more). Up to him to sort it out thereafter.

Get as separate as you can within the house but do explain things to the children in a non judgemental way. Left unexplained will be too confusing for them. This way you will retain control & their respect as none of this is their fault & they do not need the stress of added acrimony.

SunnyCyprus

only ... only ... only pay your half of the debt!
you do not owe him anything other than that!

and move all of his belongings into the spare room, he should get the hint soon.

as for telling the kids, any man worth thier salt will do it themselves. my Ex was not worth his salt... he left it to me to tell them. not nice, but it sure helped me to get over him quicker when i realised how little a man he was.

emtsuj

It's my understanding that debts accrued during marriage are marital debts regardless of who's name they're in and as such will be split. However his savings will be marital assets and will be also split accordingly. Depending on whether you are your children's primary care giver you could find that you are doing yourself a disservice by paying off all the debts and letting him keep his savings.

You really need to get legal advice before you make any decisions about your financial future.

I understand that you want him to tell the children but can you really be sure that he will explain anything in a fair and understandable way to them? When I went through something similar my ex just told our child that he'd done something wrong and needed to live at grandma's for a while, this just confused our son and he was upset that no one would tell him what dad had done wrong.

In the end I explained that when you get married you make promises to each other that are very important to keep and if one of you doesn't then sometimes you have to split up. We talked about rights and wrongs and what the marriage promises were and my son was happy with this and was less confused. Whilst I told my son that his dad had broken one of our special promises at no point did I bad mouth his dad.

Mrs_Arcanum

emtsuj wrote: »

It's my understanding that debts accrued during marriage are marital debts regardless of who's name they're in and as such will be split. However his savings will be marital assets and will be also split accordingly. Depending on whether you are your children's primary care giver you could find that you are doing yourself a disservice by paying off all the debts and letting him keep his savings.

You really need to get legal advice before you make any decisions about your financial future.

I understand that you want him to tell the children but can you really be sure that he will explain anything in a fair and understandable way to them? When I went through something similar my ex just told our child that he'd done something wrong and needed to live at grandma's for a while, this just confused our son and he was upset that no one would tell him what dad had done wrong.

In the end I explained that when you get married you make promises to each other that are very important to keep and if one of you doesn't then sometimes you have to split up. We talked about rights and wrongs and what the marriage promises were and my son was happy with this and was less confused. Whilst I told my son that his dad had broken one of our special promises at no point did I bad mouth his dad.

Only debt you have specifically signed for is yours regardless of marriage. However, this does not mean creditors cannot seek to get or secure the money from your half of any jointly held assets.

Jointly held debt is the responsibility of both to pay back and where one person has no income the other can be chased for the whole amount.

thegirlintheattic

emtsuj wrote: »

It's my understanding that debts accrued during marriage are marital debts regardless of who's name they're in and as such will be split. However his savings will be marital assets and will be also split accordingly. Depending on whether you are your children's primary care giver you could find that you are doing yourself a disservice by paying off all the debts and letting him keep his savings.

You really need to get legal advice before you make any decisions about your financial future.

I understand that you want him to tell the children but can you really be sure that he will explain anything in a fair and understandable way to them? When I went through something similar my ex just told our child that he'd done something wrong and needed to live at grandma's for a while, this just confused our son and he was upset that no one would tell him what dad had done wrong.

In the end I explained that when you get married you make promises to each other that are very important to keep and if one of you doesn't then sometimes you have to split up. We talked about rights and wrongs and what the marriage promises were and my son was happy with this and was less confused. Whilst I told my son that his dad had broken one of our special promises at no point did I bad mouth his dad.

You may have a point with joint assets but not joint debts. OP really needs to get a solictor in on this to make sure she does what's best for the children in the long term. All well and good being 'fair' but your children need a roof over their heads and food on the table.

emtsuj

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

You may have a point with joint assets but not joint debts. OP really needs to get a solictor in on this to make sure she does what's best for the children in the long term. All well and good being 'fair' but your children need a roof over their heads and food on the table.

I can only go off what the solicitor told me when I asked for advice, I could well be wrong.

thegirlintheattic

emtsuj wrote: »

I can only go off what the solicitor told me when I asked for advice, I could well be wrong.

I'm not a solicitor but as far as I'm aware only the person who signed the agreement owes the debt - although it can be taken out of joint funds.