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FBaby

These sort of threads annoy me People go on about what the partner moving in is expected to do, ie. what should be imposed on him and he should accept whatever his feelings...what a great start to a partnership.

The reality is that what is right is what is right for BOTH of you, either because you totally agree on how to handle your finances from the start, that's the easy way forward, or because you've discussed it, both listened to each other and come up with a compromise. Moving together before this is clear is madness in my view. It is about shared beliefs and values.

My partner and I moved together 1 1/2 years ago. We both agree in the principle that children are above all the responsibility of their parents. I would never expect my partner to act as a dad towards my children either by supporting them financially, or acting as a disciplinary figure to them. Of course, if I were to lose my job, or had to go away for some weeks, it would be natural for everyone that he does take up the role temporarly.

from a financial perspective, we agreed that we were both entitled to the same disposable income once all the bills are paid. We earn a similar amount, but I have many more costs, so going 50/50 wouldn't be very much fair on me. This means that I contribute a bit less towards the joint bills. We both save for holidays. That doesn't mean that everything is separate thank god. He might pay more for one thing, he might pay more for something else. He pays for week-ends away, I pay more towards the holidays etc... He doesn't directly contribute towards my kids' cost, but last month, he bought my son his new bike.

There is NO right way to do things. The way my partner and I do things certainly wouldn't work for other people, but then the 'you take me, you also take my children and are expected to support us all' wouldn't suit us. What matters is that you are both on the same wavelength.

He needs to be clear what he will need to pay, and you need to be clear what benefits you will still be entitled to when you become an official couple from the perspective of benefits. You need to have a set budget and agree how to manage it. Are you both happy to put everything in one pot, or do you want to still have independent control over your disposable income? Do you agree about your working arrangements, ie. will you be looking for another job? Part-time or full-time? Does this fit with what he expects?