Stepchildren / Home / Finances

miss_hh

Hi guys,

For those of you that have partners with children etc and moved in together. What way did you's pay your bills etc.

My partner moving in with me after 4 years together. I have 3 children, he has none. He is moving into my home. Though we havent had the 'money' talk yet. He is quite private concerning his finances.

So what way should the bills work? Do we split them 50/50 and take the attitude that we are one family or do I pay more as the children are mine?

He is working and I became unemployed a few months ago. He is renting his apartment out which covers his full mortgage.

Any advice?

victor2

After 4 years together, the children should be treated as your children where your means the two of you. He should be prepared to take you, the children and the house as a complete deal. Come to some arrangement regarding bills where maybe you buy the food and he pays the utilities etc., for example.

BugglyB

I think it really comes down to do you (both of you) see it as you guys all becoming a family, or do you see it as him moving in with you, and the kids live there too. Do you see what I mean?

miss_hh

We see it as becoming one family. But im not sure if that stretches into finances to be honest.

MummyOfTwo

you all come as a package. if a man was down to splitting the pennies over 'my' children it would be a major issue.

kj*daisy

You need to have the money talk urgently, if he's moving in and you're not working then he will be expected to support you all - and his income will affect any income related benefits you are getting since you became unemployed. Please have the talk first so you both know where you stand - and good luck - I hope it goes well for you both

Dunroamin

miss_hh wrote: »

We see it as becoming one family. But im not sure if that stretches into finances to be honest.

Funny sort of family!

Seanymph

Oh be careful!

Money problems are a relationship killer, and I think you are storing up trouble for the future. From the way you talk you already know that there are issues there - don't let him move in until you have resolved them, your kids deserve more stability than that - and certainly not to engender resentment from him over the money they cost. And they'll notice if they are told they can't go on a school trip or have judo lessons and then he turns up with a new whatever he's bought himself.

We are the blended family - a joint account before we moved in to gether (as well as two private accounts) and OH has never asked or quipped about a penny I have spent out of it no matter whose children it went on.

You are right to be asking - but the problem looks to be your new partners attitude from here, talk to him, and quickly.

Alvin Hall does a good book on financial incompatability - he quips about couples spending more time talking about sexual preferences and none on financial preferences but it's the financial differences taht cause you to break up. That isn't a faithful quote by the way, but it's what stuck with me.

You need to sort that right out - I'd have thought after four years he'd be offereing financial support anyway - if he's not 'taking on' the kids then it will be an unhappy time for them if you move him in and try to have him as 'your boyfriend in the house' without him accepting them as part of the deal.

Don't be scared of him - nothing should be off limits now - talk to him, frankly and openly.

cobbingstones

Talk, talk, talk and talk! Get everything out into the open and reach a mutual understanding.

Good luck and I hope it all goes well.

aliasojo

kj*daisy wrote: »

You need to have the money talk urgently, if he's moving in and you're not working then he will be expected to support you all - and his income will affect any income related benefits you are getting since you became unemployed. Please have the talk first so you both know where you stand - and good luck - I hope it goes well for you both

This.

Given that he has no children of his own and that his financial footing is better than yours, he may not even realise what is involved.

I had children when I met my childless OH and it very quickly became apparent that his thoughts about certain family/financial situations were vastly removed from the actual situation. This was only because he'd worked since he'd left school and had little clue about benefits /single Mums and their benefits / how much kids cost generally!

I was embarrassed to broach the subject as I didn't want him to feel I was being more focused on his wages than him and we bumbled along uncomfortably (imo) for a short while until it became obvious there were issues.

He was annoyed with me for not making things clear to him and actually talking about the finances that affected both of us.

14 years later the poor soul has little say in what happens to his wages now, changed days.

Talk to him OP, it's not fair not to, for you or him. You may even find he's fully expecting to have one 'pot' and you're worrying for nothing.

Spendless

What income are you getting if you've lost your job? Means tested benefits are assessed on household income, so if you are on JSA once the 6 months contribution based are up you are unlikley to qualify as your live in OH's wages are taken into account. Tax credits also depend on household income.