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choccybuttons

Hi

You def need to talk and work out how its going to work for you as a family.

Im married and we don't have joint accounts. We sat down, worked out all our bills so had a figure that would cover everything for the month (except spending money). When we both worked we each contributed half our wages (we earned about the same), gave ourselves a set amount for spending then put the rest in savings account (ours was joint actually thinking about it). Now its dh mainly working so he covers the bills.

If your not working then surely your oh is going to be provinding for you all if he moves in as surely your benefits would be drastically cut.

You def need to work this out before he moves in.

busiscoming2

When my now DH moved in with me and my two children, he was working full time and I was not. He had no problem with putting my name on his account (this came from him) and generally treating us all like his own family. We now have three children and he calls them all his own and treats them the same. This is how it should be IMO.

Talk to him and make him aware you come as a ready made family and he should contribute accordingly.

FatVonD

In general I think that when moving in together it's fair that both should benefit by the same amount so if, say, his current household expenses are £500 he should contribute £250 so you are both £250 better off than not living together but obviously that doesn't work if you lose benefits by him moving in. You need to sort out your expectations before he moves in.

miss_hh

aliasojo wrote: »

This.

Given that he has no children of his own and that his financial footing is better than yours, he may not even realise what is involved.

I had children when I met my childless OH and it very quickly became apparent that his thoughts about certain family/financial situations were vastly removed from the actual situation. This was only because he'd worked since he'd left school and had little clue about benefits /single Mums and their benefits / how much kids cost generally!

I was embarrassed to broach the subject as I didn't want him to feel I was being more focused on his wages than him and we bumbled along uncomfortably (imo) for a short while until it became obvious there were issues.

He was annoyed with me for not making things clear to him and actually talking about the finances that affected both of us.

14 years later the poor soul has little say in what happens to his wages now, changed days.

Talk to him OP, it's not fair not to, for you or him. You may even find he's fully expecting to have one 'pot' and you're worrying for nothing.

I think this is the situation we are in. I dont think he really has any idea of exact costs that come with a family.

When we go food shopping, we already split the food bills and he always pays half for birthday presents etc.

I should be working again within a few weeks. I guess when it comes to Christmas etc when times are normally hard for me, would it be appropriate to ask him to contribute towards toys etc?

miss_hh

I currently just applied for jobseekers allowance though I should be working again by the en of the month.

Im going to have the talk with him. He due to move in at end of the month so will do it before then.

My thoughts on the matter are now that he s renting his own apartment out, then we should be splitting everything in half. I explained to him that when he decided he wanted to move in with me, he wasn't only moving in with me but was moving in with my children which in effect gave him certain responsibilities.

Im just not sure of the etiquette of this..He is the only person in my life after the childrens father.

aliasojo

miss_hh wrote: »

I should be working again within a few weeks. I guess when it comes to Christmas etc when times are normally hard for me, would it be appropriate to ask him to contribute towards toys etc?

In my opinion, this is exactly why people should either pool all their money, or failing that, pay x amount into a joint pot from which everything is paid.

If you are to be a family, then every single expenditure that is made from then on, becomes joint expenditure.

A joint pot to cover everything does away with the need to go down the 'split every single thing you ever spend money on' route.

He's going to be family now, not *just* a boyfriend or a room buddy with benefits. So everything that costs, costs you both.

Newly_retired

Definitely have a joint pot into which you both pay according to your means, enough to cover all household expenses- work it out toegther so he can see where his money is going.
I think it is a good idea in your circumstances to each keep you own separate bank accounts as well so that you both have individual money too.

miss_hh

Thanks guys, you are all confirming really what I thought. With my ex husband we had a shared pot, but they were his children and just wasnt entirely sure if this should still be the case when the children are from a previous relationship.

We will keep separate banks accs. I have a slight poor credit and he has savings. We are going to begin saving for a house of our own so separate bank acc's are important at this stage.

choccybuttons

Hi

As for asking him to contribute at christmas, I would just ask him what he thinks of contributing.

xxlouisexx56

When my dp moved in I had one daughter.

We split all bills in half


Now we have another daughter together.

We still split all bills in half