Return to Solvency

grannyx2

Off to bed in a mo cos I've been in a right funny mood all week and don't know why. Just had to share this with you though. Had me giggling and hope it does you

Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! ——

grannyx2

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone..

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem

please-let-me-be-lucky

grannyx2 wrote: »

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone..

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem

Love this :T

Sleep well, hope you feel better in the morning Xx

Grand_Benders

Even when you're feeling down, you still manage to find the funnies to share.

Mike's mob is fab. Took me a week to read it all! :rotfl:

grannyx2

I've been a right moody mare all week and only today thought it may have something to do with my diet. I suffer from mood swings at certain times of the month and feel really down with no apparent obvious reason. The lack of affection in my relationship really gets to me at those times more than others and little things grate on me, which is how I've been this week.

However, thinking over the last 2 months, I realised I did not feel like this last month and the only thing that was different was that I was eating more fresh fruit and veg and much less meat and processed food.

This week, having not gone shopping, I've eaten mainly processed food and hardly any fresh food at all. So today, we went shopping and I bought lots of lovely fresh food so that I can go back on my healthy eating plan and eat veg instead of processed crap and meat. Let's hope I'm right.

Also, being childish, I felt good when having given OH £20 for my things, (probably came to about £30 really), he said to only give him £10, so I did. Imagine his shock when the whole shop came to £90, (although that included things for the house and beer for him as usual), reduced to £80 with vouchers. I offered him the other £10 and he said I'd rather have the extra £20, to which I refused and didn't give him either. Like I said, childish I know, but it felt like revenge for being party to the reason I've felt rubbish this week.

I feel better today though so hopefully my hormones have calmed down.

Had a NSD yesterday, so doing well on my target for the month.

BFN - talk later. Gx2 x

Loved Mike's mob - gutted couldn't access the tv programme at the end of the story though. Perhaps it'll be rescheduled. Don't want to say more, in case I spoil it for someone else who is/has plans to read it.

grannyx2

just noticed I've got my 3rd star and am now classed as a serious money saving fan. Not bad for 3mths

Today's funny:

Three old timers chatting at restaurant! They sat down at a table while waiting to be served. One of them said; Hay Jake! Isn’t this your 50th anniversary? Jake replies! Yep. Well, the old timer asked, what are you planning on doing? Jake replies, well! I remember taking my wife to Arizona on our 25th anniversary. The other old timer asked, Oh ya, so what are your plans for your 50th anniversary? Jake replies, I’m going back to pick her up!!!!!!!

Gx2 x

grannyx2

and another cos it made me giggle sooooo much that OH asked what I was laughing at:

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."









His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"

Piquant_2

Morning granny :wave:

You're right, good simple food does make you feel better. It's not necessarily slimming, says an expert on being voluptuous , but it does improve your mood. I find the very act of preparing food relaxing as well.

Since I've been bringing so much fruit home from work I've been having a smoothie for breakfast everyday and I find it makes me feel healthy even if I'm not!

I can't help with the OH though, I suppose you could send him to an OH bootcamp or something Or perhaps, just come to terms with the fact he's not affectionate and decide what that means for you longer term. You have a loving family who clearly idolise you, as do I [and I haven't even met you!]

Keep the funnies coming...

grannyx2

Piquant wrote: »

Morning granny :wave:

You're right, good simple food does make you feel better. It's not necessarily slimming, says an expert on being voluptuous , but it does improve your mood. I find the very act of preparing food relaxing as well.

Since I've been bringing so much fruit home from work I've been having a smoothie for breakfast everyday and I find it makes me feel healthy even if I'm not!

Yes back to cooking and fresh food as from today. Going to make carrot and something, (probably spinach) soup for lunches and smoothie for breakfast. Asparagus and goats cheese for tea.

Piquant wrote: »

I can't help with the OH though, I suppose you could send him to an OH bootcamp or something Or perhaps, just come to terms with the fact he's not affectionate and decide what that means for you longer term. You have a loving family who clearly idolise you, as do I [and I haven't even met you!]

Keep the funnies coming...

Sad thing is I know he loves me but suspect he doesn't like me at times :rotfl: We went through a very bad patch this time last year and I told him how he made me feel with his moody snappy ways and general lack of affection. We came close to separating and he took it so seriously he went to the docs for check ups etc but they found nothing physically wrong. He really did try for ages to make more of an effort but I'm afraid over the last month or so he's been bl00dy horrid, excuse my French. I know its because he's been so tired but really that's no excuse. He chose to do the amount of hours he was doing and I was not really seeing the financial benefit of it anyway. I know we are going to have one of our "major discussions", (interpret as me being equally mean and angry and telling him some home truths) before long as he is just being thoughtless and things will get back on an even keel then.

Thank you for the final sentence, I adore you too and cannot imagine my life 3 months ago without you. The best thing is, that our relationship is all personality based and that's what makes it so great that its sooooo good x

As per your request, today's funny:

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"



Granny x2 :heartsmil

lucielle

Hope you've had a good day.
L