Dumped at 46

meer53

I was dumped at 45. 10 years ago.

I have a whole new life now, one i love. It took about 2 years for me to realise that he did me a massive favour and opened up a big new world. It's been so liberating, people who have known me for years have said that i'm a different person now. I'm so much happier.

If you'd asked me if i was happy in my marriage, i would have said "of course i am" but deep down, i was kidding myself. It's easy to stick in a relationship, especially when there are children, it's far harder to accept that maybe it's not what you really wanted after all.

On a day to day basis, i'd say, go with the flow, if you want to stay in bed and cry, then do it. It's not always going to be like that. I did the big throw out thing too, it's very therapeutic and part of dealing with the situation. I threw things away that should never have been thrown away but i have never once sat here and thought " i wonder what i did with that ?" It's gone, and so is he, my life is bliss, and yours will be too.

xxxxx

Seanymph

After my last relationship went west I painted him out of my life - literally. I totally redecorated the entire house and bought things I LIKED in my house and threw out everything I was forced to compromise over... It felt very good.

I'm sorry you are grieving at the moment, but it will pass. All things pass.

pebbles88

Hi Op

first of all....((((HUGS))))

second: men are cack anyway! :rotfl:

ok the second doesn't cover all of mankind.... but it bloomin helps to think that at times like these!

My DH walked out early April, as has been said, these boards are great for support, especially in the hours when most RL friends/family are asleep etc. My situation is different to yours, but I couldn't function when it happened, literally fell to bits.

went through all the same emotions you did, but I can tell you hand on heart. a few weeks down the line.... i feel much stronger & although I do end up almost drowning in snot & tears at times, that generally things are getting better.

look after yourself, do what YOU want to do, you only have to answer to yourself now, that will click in a couple of days, and that felt brilliant for me.

i'm listening to Kelly Clarksons song stronger quite a bit, in fact that whole album is quite good at this time!

i'm waffling... but OP, come on here when you need support, I'm a bit of a loner too. but these forums area lifesaver, not only for advice, but always plenty to read to be a distraction when needed too. Wishing you all the best, xxx

BitterAndTwisted

Something like that happening is a terrible chock and it will take some time for you to be able to accept it. A similar thing happened to my mother when she was about the same age as you. It took her quite a long time to recover but recover she did. She made a good life for herself and had more material things than she ever had when she was married to my Dad. When their marriage ended she was left both penniless and homeless. She ran a car, went out and about visiting friends all the time, took modest foreign holidays while she worked like demon. When she died twenty-odd years later, she owned her own flat outright and had substantial savings stashed away, and had earned the love and respect of many, many people. We, her children and her friends, supported her in every single way we could.

Lean on your daughter. Lean hard. You won't traumatise her, she will want to support you in any way she can as well, I promise you.

It you can't face going to work, take a couple of days off and use the time to pack up his things. Then tell your work colleagues what has happened. Even if you are not particularly close to them, they will understand. People can be extraordinarily kind if only you will let them.

themull1

My husband left me last year, i'm 43. I was devastated, but then realised we argued so much it was better without him.!!This was my second marriage, i left the first one cos he was a control freak. I met a lovely man on plenty of fish and he now lives with me, he has been married twice as well. I like my life better now than when i was married, just got to get divorced(again) now.

It does get easier. I used to randomly cry anywhere, and the first few days i burned my cheeks with my tears and had to use sudocrem.!

System

About 12 years ago (not long after hubby had started working away) we had one huge row. He said he was leaving so i packed his bags and off he went.

About 2 days later he persuaded me to let him come back. What he didnt realize in those 2 days i'd chucked everything of his that he hadnt taken or wasnt in the shed and the bin men had been and took the lot.

Needless to say, he wasnt impressed but i felt great. :rotfl:

Invernesschick

I have actually packed all his things. I spent yest afternoon doing it and sent him pictures of before and after. Cried the whole way through it but it's done. In my cleaning frenzy today I've found loads of his stuff and it's all bagged up too. I've found things of mine I thought were lost too it's like Christmas he he.
My two sons have just come back from their dads and my oldest is taking me to the theatre tonight to see Stewart Lee. Dunno if he's any good but I haven't been out in ages and I'm not saying no. Such a sweet thing for him to do I started blubbing again. Cue two embarrassed sons scarpering lol.
I don't have any spare money to go out much but if I can get some stuff together to sell I may get a life of sorts together in the next few months. A car boot is in order, my daughter is itching to go to one to buy (more) baby bumf.
I'd love to redecorate but I don't have the money and not likely too. I'm just making ends meet as it is. I doubt I'll be due any benefits but I'll try anyway.
I'm glad I got this all off my chest, I'm off to make the boys tea and then ring my sister.
R x

BitterAndTwisted

You've sorted out your finances over the past 8 months or so and he is unemployed? Angel, it's going to be easier from now on as you haven't got him to feed and clothe, just yourself.

You've got a daughter, two sons and a sister. All of whom will be holding your hand and giving you all the support they can muster if only you ask. It won't soothe the terrible hurt you're feeling now but will be incredibly good for your soul to feel valued and cherished. The pain will ease in time, I promise you.

Think about all the things you thought about doing but couldn't or didn't. You might be able to do some of them now you don't have someone else's needs to consider.

Sell whatever you can and set it aside for a little break . Preferably one where you will spend time in the company of nice men who aren't your husband.

Gloomendoom

themull1 wrote: »

I met a lovely man on plenty of fish...

:huh: What????

meer53

Gloomendoom wrote: »

:huh: What????

It's an internet dating site !