What is the norm for a 13th Party?

onlyroz

By that age shouldn't they be paying for presents out of their pocket money?

gibson123

I leave all that up to my 13 year old, she gets her allowance and she decides how to spend it, she would only spend that amount of money on her long-standing best friend, and even then she is more likely to make her a friendship bracelet or rasta badge than go buy something. At 13 I think it's time to let them manage their own social life (within reason) and their own personal money.

FatVonD

My DS is 14 and the norm amongst his group of friends for birthdays is that they get together as a crowd either in town or in the local park (they actually still call it a party which took some getting my head round 'where's the party?' 'it's in the park' ???) A couple have had house parties but he'd have been mortified if I'd sent him along with a card or a present (I'd have been mortified if I'd had to send £25!)

catch_me_if_you_can

Most "parties" my DD has been to have been "we're going to aquafun and for a pizza [etc] so bring money" do's. This has been the norm since she was 12.

Mostly though, it's sleepovers so involves a trip to asda for sweets drinks and Ben & Jerry's.

jellyhead

My son usually gives a card if it's a girl, but as for presents it's usually a packet of sweets or lollies. To begin with I was choosing lovely presents from Claire's etc. but he told me that people 'don't do that'. They do take sweets or whatever to be shared out at the party though, and usually pay for their own food unless it's at a house, but would still take party food with them to contribute towards a house party.

It's completely different to the parties they used to go to as small children, but I didn't realise that at first and had to be told by my son what was expected

VfM4meplse

lexuslass wrote: »

It was at a 'bowls club'.. in a big hall with about 30+ kids invited

I still think (IMHO) that a party is 'a party' .. the invite stated that... 13 yrs old...It's still a kids party isn't it?

if it had said 'bring money for drinks and food' ...it may have been different, but it didn't say that!!

You can't be the only parent that is a bit unhappy about that. I don't remember routinely carrying cash as a 13 yo.

ViolaLass

shellsuit wrote: »

The parties are held in either a night club or bar (on a Sunday night in a function room).

They just go for a boogie, to catch up with their mates and eye up their flavour of the month and maybe there is a birthday cake there.

I don't see the point in them to be honest, but that seems to be the norm with teens here.

The first bit you wrote IS the point - getting together. It was the same when I was at school (a decade ago). I didn't expect people to buy me presents (and certainly wouldn't have expected parents to). I just used my birthday as an excuse to get everyone to go bowling with me (which I loved but rarely ever got to do). Even now, I use it as an excuse to get everyone to go to Laser Quest (less necessary now since all my family do the same on their birthdays!).

bluebird

Spending £15-£25 on gifts is proberly why your daughter is getting so many invites, lol.

I do agree taking a gift is always nice but so is putting a fiver in the card.

A Party -No Food unless you pay for it, how disgraceful deffo should have been written on the card.

Spendless

What's a pay for your own food party? I understand a pay for your own drinks, many places have a paying bar but not food. All I'm visualising is a type of burger bar like they have at say ten pin bowling alleys, where you go to a kiosk and they sell hotdogs, burger and chips but have never come across this in a hired hall. Is that what you mean? I wouldn't have known to send money either, but my eldest is 12 and his birthday before his crowd of friends, so is something I've yet to come across. Knock sending birthday money in the head if it's not the done thing. You can instead use the cash to make sure your teenager always has some money with her so she's not caught out again, and see if she can query next time a bit more about the venue and what if anything is being provided.

lexuslass

jellyhead wrote: »

It's completely different to the parties they used to go to as small children, but I didn't realise that at first and had to be told by my son what was expected

you're not wrong! I just felt it wrong not sending a card with money in (for boys) and the same or a present (if it's a best friend for girls). The last few parties she has been to have at least provided nibbles and drinks, so I was mortified when she came back on saturday and said she'd had neither!! but it does seem completely normal now they are at senior school... last year it was all girly sleepovers, but this year, now they are all hitting 13, it's all parties in halls and clubs!

VfM4meplse wrote: »

You can't be the only parent that is a bit unhappy about that. I don't remember routinely carrying cash as a 13 yo.

I didn't either! but I guess I've just been given a reminder into how times have changed... I would much rather have given her the money that I'd put into the card (or some of it!) to spend on something to eat and to have a drink!

Spendless wrote: »

What's a pay for your own food party? I understand a pay for your own drinks, many places have a paying bar but not food. All I'm visualising is a type of burger bar like they have at say ten pin bowling alleys, where you go to a kiosk and they sell hotdogs, burger and chips but have never come across this in a hired hall. Is that what you mean? I wouldn't have known to send money either, but my eldest is 12 and his birthday before his crowd of friends, so is something I've yet to come across. Knock sending birthday money in the head if it's not the done thing. You can instead use the cash to make sure your teenager always has some money with her so she's not caught out again, and see if she can query next time a bit more about the venue and what if anything is being provided.

This was in a 'bowls' club... (not ten pin bowling but actual grass bowls!) ... I assumed they'd hired a room and would put on a few nibbles etc (she's been to about 5 in the last two or three months and they've all been in village hall type places.... so nibbles and drinks were always put on along with a 'disco')... This sounds like it was a room with a paying bar (for 13 year olds???). Maybe it was something put on by the parents so they could invite their own friends, I don't know.

I will knock the money in the card or presents thing on the head in future (will save me some blooming money if the last couple of months have anything to go by!).. unless it's a 'best friend'!!

Thanks for all your other replies everyone!