how much cash as gift for a friend careless with money

roses

Hi,

I have a friend who is absolutely useless with money. She lives off her over draft, goes on holiday every three months, taxis instead of public transport, no concept of living within her means you get the picture etc.

She gave me and my dh £300 when we got married last year which was ridiculous. Her fiance also did some architect drawings for us. They said it was for free but we insisted on paying so gave them £1,800 which was his standard fee. we spoke to 4 other architects prior who all wanted £3k+ so this was a fair outcome for both of us.

She is getting married in July and my dh thinks we should give them £300 like they gave us. I am loathe to do so because even though we can comfortably afford it, I work hard to save every single £1 and hate money thrown away without a thought, which is what they would do. I was thinking £200 but dh said we should give the same back to them.

So, what would you do?

74jax

I would probably give the same back.
Really how they choose to spend their money is up to them. To them holidays might be high on their list. Not saying it's right but I don't think it matters.

Stephb1986_2

It's up to her how she spends her own money but more fool her really. But if I was you I would give the same amount back she was fair in giving you you should be fair back.

Steph

trying_2_b_good

First of all - wowsers! I didn't get that much of a gift from anyone except parents!

It really depends on circumstances. I gave a good friend £100 when she got married, a year later and she gave us a gift (from our list) worth £30 which she got with left over vouchers that were a gift from her wedding!

But I really don't care! She has a kid, and due to childcare he wasn't working. So it makes perfect sense.

You need to figure out what is a generous amount for you, that is not breaking the bank. I guess it also depends on them as a couple - would she understand or take offence? If the latter, is it worth risking your relationship with her for?

JimmyTheWig

Is there something that you can buy rather than give the money?

Or would it be possible to put the money into some sort of investment for them? I don't know how it works but I'm thinking something like £300 of premium bonds(*). I know they could just cash them but hopefully they'd keep them at least for a while. Or is there a company / sector(**) that they're interested in? Could you buy them £300 of shares that would be of interest to them?

(*) I know this site's stance on premium bonds is that they are poor value. I agree. But it's a question of the money being wasted otherwise, which is worse value!
(**) I know that the sensible thing to do would be to put them in a diverse portfolio. But I'm trying to think of something a bit more "fun" than a FTSE tracker.

roses

Hi,

Thanks all for the advice. I actually offered to buy her wedding dress as my gift from the same website I got mine from, about £200 (dressilyme) as we found one in the shop then a copy on their website. I know their quality and its good plus there are lots of forums with real photos. But her fiance said no, she has to buy it from a shop where she can guarantee the quality so she'll now be paying £900+ for her dress and a rush order for July, more money they can't afford.

thistledome

Give her the £300. You saved over a grand with the drawings !!!!!!.

What they do with the gift is their business once it's handed over. If it really bothers you that much then give a present to the value rather than money. That would make it a gift that suits you more than it does them, but at least you'd have control over "your" money, which is clearly more important to you than doing something nice for your friend.

Giving someone a present should be about giving them pleasure, not you. I Feel sorry for your friend tbh that you'd come on here and discuss this so publicly. Hopefully she'll never become aware of it; I'd be mortified if I thought someone had given me a present so grudgingly.

[Deleted User]

Give them £300 - put it in the grooms name

How they spend their money is their business tbh

blossomhill_2

Give them what you can comfortably afford, in the spirit of friendship

74jax

roses wrote: »

Hi,

Thanks all for the advice. I actually offered to buy her wedding dress as my gift from the same website I got mine from, about £200 (dressilyme) as we found one in the shop then a copy on their website. I know their quality and its good plus there are lots of forums with real photos. But her fiance said no, she has to buy it from a shop where she can guarantee the quality so she'll now be paying £900+ for her dress and a rush order for July, more money they can't afford.

I don't really understand why it bothers you so much. It just seems strange.

jackyann

I think that you do have to give the same amount back, unless your financial situation is hugely different from theirs.
You could buy a gift, if you know what they want, or a voucher.

I do agree that once given, you have to grit your teeth - it is theirs to do with at their will.

I think once that is over I would suggest some sort of gift pact for birthdays etc: such as "we take you out for a meal" or "£10 limit" as otherwise the resentment will build up.