Just when life settles down

Savvy_Sue

I'd go with option 2 as well, but TBH would it be a long wait until your own lawyer is back? I'd rather deal with someone who knew the history than start all over again ...

Savvy_Sue

BTW, good for you for giving him another go. I wish you all the best with that. I don't think you're mad to do so.

GobbledyGook

Four_leaf_clover wrote: »

Unfortunately getting involved with your ex does mean that his family will also be a part of your life, especially as you have children. One of many, many reasons why my ex and I are well and truly done and dusted.

I dont think you can stop anyone from writing to you. She can write away to her hearts content if she wants. Whether you read any of it or not is in your control though isn't it. You can just decide not to open the letters and bin them if you wish. If she doesn't get responses from you she may ask after you and the children via your ex. It is then up to him to decide how much he allows her into your lives. Hopefully he will discuss it with you and you can decide this together.

He hates her more than I do so she's not going to get anywhere near us, or get information about the children, from him.


Savvy Sue - waiting until my own lawyer is back wasn't something I'd thought of! Thank you. It makes the most sense.

ExH is going to speak to his father to tell him that she has written to me, that she has commented on things that mean she's either been at/near my house or has been asking around and that we're not happy with it. Being "better" doesn't/hasn't/won't change anything and then get my lawyer to follow it up with a letter when my own lawyer returns from holiday.

Thank you for your kind words about us having another go too.

I had a suggestion via PM just to ignore her, but sadly being ignored is something she tends to take as 'not a no' (if you get what I mean). She'd just write more or turn up on the basis that we got her letter and didn't object. I've mentioned to the girls' school that she has appeared in the mail again (all her stunts have started with a letter) and they are going to remind the staff to be vigilant at breaks and the likes. Eldests chances of walking home alone with friends have gone out the window for a while again.

clearingout

I am sorry to read this has reared it's head again for you. Not what you need.

Did you MIL get any treatment/counselling/support with her 'issues'? Is she still living with your FIL? Is there any possibility of resuming a relationship with her in conjunction with your FIL maybe via some family therapy?

GobbledyGook

clearingout wrote: »

I am sorry to read this has reared it's head again for you. Not what you need.

Did you MIL get any treatment/counselling/support with her 'issues'? Is she still living with your FIL? Is there any possibility of resuming a relationship with her in conjunction with your FIL maybe via some family therapy?

She was in hospital for a while and is on medication long term. I'm not exactly sure of all the ins and outs just that she had a "breakdown".

She does still live with FIL, they have a very strained relationship that they are working on. He feels that he has to believe that her plans were all down to the breakdown because he can't imagine having to face the fact that she's just nasty. There's no doubt she did/does have issues, particularly surrounding the loss of her own baby many years ago, but I don't personally believe that is all behind her plans. There is nastiness in there as well imo.

No, there's no chance. I won't/can't ever forgive the things that she done, said and tried to do. I won't ever have my children in the position of being in the same room as the woman. My ExH is of the same train of thought. If for nothing else other than we would continually be paranoid that one day she'd disappear off abroad with the children like she planned.

I believe that my children are safer while they think/know that their Grandmother is someone they've not to trust and if she approaches them they should shout/scream/run to safety. Having any sort of relationship with her would confuse that and put them in danger imo.

GobbledyGook

Okay, further to this. I got another letter today. She has been diagnosed with Bipolar. I've got tonnes to think about now.

Savvy_Sue

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Okay, further to this. I got another letter today. She has been diagnosed with Bipolar. I've got tonnes to think about now.

Hmmm. It's not something I know a great deal about, but what you said before

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I believe that my children are safer while they think/know that their Grandmother is someone they've not to trust and if she approaches them they should shout/scream/run to safety. Having any sort of relationship with her would confuse that and put them in danger imo.

probably hasn't changed that much, has it? At least not yet ...

barbiedoll

Bipolar or not, this woman has broken a court order by contacting you.

Keep the letters (as evidence) and let your solicitor deal with it. Don't ask your XH to go round there and don't get involved in any sort of negotiations. Let the lawyers sort it out, that's what they're there for.

Poor you, she sounds like a horror! :eek:

GobbledyGook

No, it hasn't changed much.

It's just. Well, tbh, I thought she was using her "breakdown" as an excuse. I did believe she had problems, but I didn't believe the whole saga of believing that my daughters were really hers.

Having read a few things online tonight about bipolar I'm now not sure. I'll never trust her. I mean even if there is a reason for it then she could stop taking medication or anything. I just don't know now if she is pure evil. It was easier when it seemed that way.

neneromanova

Who has said she's got Bipolar? Was it just this letter ? As if it was then I'd take it with a pinch of salt until you see it in proper writing. I hope you get things sorted soon.

The person I feel sorry for most in all this (apart from the kids) is your FIL. It's not his fault she's mental and now, because of her, he can't see his granchildren ever again.