affairs

mrs_angry

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't need to imagine what it's like.
I know what it's like.

And I felt the same as you, I wanted it to work.
I tried to make it work.

Then one day I woke up and thought 'I don't love you anymore'.
So I ended it.

thanks its so good to hear from people who have been through similar and come out the other side, for better or worse!!

i do so want it to work and as i said only time will tell, the act of an affair is not an easy thing to forgive, and the hurt will live with me till the day i die, im sorry it didnt work for you, but hope that you are happy with your decision,x

mrs_angry

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Ahem....your husband is the one who caused all this hurt. He's the one who strayed. Accept that basic fact and you may find that your curiosity about her slackens. Putting your focus on her is a waste of energy; the problem is in your marriage and that's what you need to concentrate on if you do want to move forward.

yes my husband caused the hurt to me, but she did also, my curiosity about her ended on the day i saw a picture of a wrinkly 52 year old lonely woman with no morals.

i know where the problem was in my marriage, i had a husband who had no morals also and decided to have sex with someone else because i wouldnt give it to him, and the reason i wouldnt give it to him was because he turned into a horrid, useless man who was no longer interested in his family life, we have discussed this and he agrees thats what he was like, at the moment we are getting on very well, better i would say than the day we married, what all this made us both realise was that we did and still do love each other very much, things just got stale, that doesnt excuse what he did, but he will have to live with that, i will have to also live with that and move onwards and upwards, which is what i am doing

VitaK

He did run up a £700 phone bill. I would not get to the conclusion that it was just sex. £700 is an awefull lot of talking, flirting and planing. He had plenty of oppotunity to realise that he was breaking your heart. It also sounds like he had plenty of oppotunity to engage hes brain and put you first.

As said previously, you need to talk untill your jaws hurts. It being embarrassing or him trying to protect you are just excuses that needs to stop. He have to want this as much as you do.

suki1001

mrs_angry wrote: »

yes my husband caused the hurt to me, but she did also, my curiosity about her ended on the day i saw a picture of a wrinkly 52 year old lonely woman with no morals.

I realise you are very angry with this woman, but you really don't know what caused her to have an affair with your husband. You also only have your husbands side of the story, not a particularly trustworthy witness. His story takes him off the hook a bit more, to paint her in as bad a light as possible.

Ok, it doesn't look good, however you wished her karma - but you don't know what she's been through to cause her to have an affair. Maybe she's already had her karma.

From my experience, women like that are extremely needy and have often been hurt themselves. It's that desperation, loneliness and neediness that leads them to have an affair. In the past I've warned my oh to be careful if I've noticed a woman who's in a difficult place and has relied on my oh. e.g one woman was suffering domestic violence and would talk to my oh a lot.

I'm not making excues for this woman, I'm just saying you only have your oh's side of the story.

Birdy12

mrs_angry wrote: »

i have never said and never will say that my husband is blameless, and im rather unsure where you get that idea from

Yes, I think my post was a bit short, apologies for that.

I just think that now you know who it is, and now that you and your husband are getting on better, you're subconciously trying to shift 100% of the blame onto the other woman.

I don't blame you for trying to find out who the other woman was, I would probably have done the same thing. However, your OH still has a lot to answer for. Is this other woman married herself? Has her partner found out? If so, perhaps he feels the same way about your husband, ie, no morals, that you feel about the other woman.

I don't think it makes an ounce of difference how old she is or what she looks like or whether she has any morals. The issue is that your OH slept with someone else - that's the biggest issue of all.

j.e.j.

Glad things seem to be working out, mrs angry. Yes, unfortunately there are plenty of women around like that. I remember one at work who quite openly talked about her weekends away with a married man. Her attitude was just: "I don't care.. and anyway, he doesn't love his wife.." Women are not always nice to other women..

I have to say, though, even if she did 'offer it on a plate', he either wanted it, or he's a weak person who can't say no.

Welshwoofs

mrs_angry wrote: »

yes my husband caused the hurt to me, but she did also, my curiosity about her ended on the day i saw a picture of a wrinkly 52 year old lonely woman with no morals.

Her looks aren't relevant. It's very easy to write off the other person, demonise them and try to kid yourself that she 'handed it to him on a plate'. In reality there's no such thing...but naturally men will play up to that view because it lessens the anger against their own conduct.

i know where the problem was in my marriage, i had a husband who had no morals also and decided to have sex with someone else because i wouldnt give it to him, and the reason i wouldnt give it to him was because he turned into a horrid, useless man who was no longer interested in his family life, we have discussed this and he agrees thats what he was like, at the moment we are getting on very well, better i would say than the day we married, what all this made us both realise was that we did and still do love each other very much, things just got stale, that doesnt excuse what he did, but he will have to live with that, i will have to also live with that and move onwards and upwards, which is what i am doing

Well that's very good that you're working on it and it's all moving on. That's very positive and I hope it all works out for you

1sttimer_2

I know where you are coming from mrs angry, and when my OH had an affair, I found out what the 'other woman' was like, but I found her to be just a normal woman - I don't want to call her a slag or any other name. Both of them had done wrong, and they knew it, and I now just know that it was a case of the wrong time and the wrong place.

I fought for the marriage to be saved, and it was, so it can work out. We talked quite a lot and he tried to blame me for pushing him away but I thought I was blameless. Looking back, I most probably wasn't as white as I thought I was, although not quite as bad as he thought I was!

It does take time for the hurt to heal and even now some 7-8 years later, I can still be taken back to how I felt when I read something like your posts but I just take a step back and think of what I have now, not what I had then, and I say a quick 'thank you' that it worked out for us.

Any partnership is just that, a partnership where you have to talk to each other about the good and the bad you are feeling, no-one is a mind reader and cannot judge that ones bad day is why one is acting/mouthing the way one does.

Good luck in your future mrs angry and perhaps one day, you won't be mrs angry any more!