Getting rid of relatives

pollyanna24

I'm going to sound really harsh here, but does anyone have any tips on how to get rid of unwanted relatives?

My bf's 18yr old brother lives with us (we're not much older) and he eats and drinks all round him. He does pay nominal rent, but I honestly don't think we are helping him out when it comes to the big bad world. Bf insists I cook for him (easier cooking for 3 rather than him cooking his own and making a mess and getting in each others way apparently ) and I'm really starting to resent it as he doesn't seem to contribute very much.

I just want rid because he annoys me so much and it's almost getting to the point of becoming detrimental to my relationship with bf. This 18yr old is very young for his age, doesn't seem to have any friends and never goes out. So we never even get the house to ourselves. As you can understand, this is a sensitive subject and hard to bring up without even more arguments starting!

Dan_Thunder

Your BF 'insists' that you cook for his brother!? Frankly it sounds like you're better off without either of them!

Given that's probably not the option you'd like might I suggest, as an interim, you talk to your BF first and then draw up a rota for cooking/cleaning etc. If this person's living with you it's only fair that they do their share of the household chores.

Why doesn't this person live with their parents?

Maybe your BF has some concerns about you both living together? It is a big step forward in a relationship.

Justie

It sounds like you need to sit down and talk to both of them - if he's sharing your house then he should share the chores and either pitch in a cook or do different chores to the same value. You're not his mum. And your BF needs to understand that his brother is getting in the way of your relationship. It's hard when it's family as your BF may think that it's his duty to look after his borther etc but how it happens shouldn't be all one sided. If you really want the brother out then you need to agree a timetable of say 3 months for him to find somewhere else.

Karrie

Dan_Thunder wrote:

Your BF 'insists' that you cook for his brother!? Frankly it sounds like you're better off without either of them!

I agree :beer:

pollyanna24

BF does most of the hoovering and whatnots in the house, so it's always been my task to cook (which is fine, I don't mind cooking for bf).

We've lived together since 2000, so don't think us living together is an issue. For me it really just that he's always under our feet. Living with his parents just isn't an option, and feel really bad suggesting that he gets a room nearby somewhere, but I do feel like I've taken on the role of Mum and it's not one I want!

sooz

friends of mine had this problem......an aunt who would not go. finally they decided to install central heating, and of course she could not stay during the very long and very messy process

do you have any large projects you've been planning, possibly involving his room?

MrsTinks

or could you acciedntly break a water pipe over his ceiling - complete accident ofcourse

Seriously though... having a lodger - even if family is often a strain. If you don't want him living there then make this clear to your BF - but be prepared for him not to agree... Worst case scenario you may end up splitting up... is the brother bothering you enough for you to be willing to risk this?

If you can live with having 3 of you in the house then make sure he shares the responcibility. Make a cleaning/cooking rota and split the living costs in 3 and make him pay 1/3 (THAT INCLUDES FOOD BILL!). If you BF doesn't think it's fair then point out to him that his brother HAS to learn this and frankly at 18 he should have been volunteering to help out and not have to be asked!
As far as "you" time is concerned point out that there is NONE and ask that one evening a week he goes out even if it's to the cinema - in fact he can !!!!!! of anywhere he likes so long as it's out! It will also help him get out and meet people - and allow the return of snuggle time on the sofa.
Otherwise if you can bear it then with hold bedroom antics for the forseeable future on the grounds that "worrying he can hear you is seriously putting you off and you don't feel in the mood" hehehe

Clive_Woody

Could he perhaps apply for a council flat or something like that?


Perhaps head down to your local army recruiting centre and sign him up, they provide food and accomodation.


Alternatively I know a couple of Russian gentlemen who for a small fee can get rid of relatives for you.....

Dan_Thunder

The easiest way is simply to get them both to line up then say "Anyone who currently lives in this flat/house, take one step forward". Then if the brother takes a step say "Who told you to move!?"

pollyanna24

Thanks for all the replies. It's nice to know that there are people out there who don't think I'm being so unreasonable. I can just see him still living with us when we are 50! Whenever I bring up the subject of rent or moan about the brother, my bf keeps saying, ooh I can't wait till someone in your family needs our help, cos then you'll know how I feel. What!!!

But anyways, he does understand my concerns to a degree and has agreed that after a few months, we will ask him to get a room somewhere. I'm all for this, but do feel a little responsible for him, and I think he is going to find it hard to pay for a room and bills when at the moment, he pays hardly anything and I'm not actually sure if he realises that someone (i.e. me at the moment) does actually pay for all that food in the fridge that he manages to eat!

Justie

pollyanna24 wrote:

Thanks for all the replies. It's nice to know that there are people out there who don't think I'm being so unreasonable. I can just see him still living with us when we are 50! Whenever I bring up the subject of rent or moan about the brother, my bf keeps saying, ooh I can't wait till someone in your family needs our help, cos then you'll know how I feel. What!!!

But anyways, he does understand my concerns to a degree and has agreed that after a few months, we will ask him to get a room somewhere. I'm all for this, but do feel a little responsible for him, and I think he is going to find it hard to pay for a room and bills when at the moment, he pays hardly anything and I'm not actually sure if he realises that someone (i.e. me at the moment) does actually pay for all that food in the fridge that he manages to eat!

what about explaining that to the BF and suggesting that you charge him a more market rate for rate etc and that you put it in a savings account for him so that a) he gets more used to living off what he'll have to live off and b) he's then got some money for a deposit ready and waiting.