How to mend a brokenheart?

hazyjo

Have easily accessible food to hand. When my first hubby left, I ate when I was hungry, didn't cook a thing, and lived off those cooked flavoured chicken things. Couldn't even deal with microwaving anything. Just something more substantial than crisps, etc.

If it's there and tastes nice (like the chicken bits), you'll eat it.

I found the internet helped me. I bought a computer shortly after he left and met some wonderful people online (some still good friends to this day).

I was someone who used to go out a lot before the split, but couldn't face it for a while after. The internet really helped. You could sit there and cry, laugh, not bother with makeup, sit in your jammies - and eventually, you realise there is a future, and there are some wonderful people out there. You might not want to face your own friends, and you might find they avoid you for a while - not their fault, people just don't know what to say, or don't know how to react, or really can't cope with other people's problems. Don't take it personally, just get yourself chatting with others.

Don't turn to booze, cigs, or whatever any weakness is. You'll find you always turn to it in the future in times of trouble. Best to avoid. I didn't dare drink for around the first 2 weeks - partly cos I knew I wouldn't stop!

Good luck. It does get easier.

Jx

Frogletina

VestanPance wrote: »

Hope you feel better soon.

Although I come as the merchant of doom, as four years after my marriage breakup I'm still broken hearted. Time has done nothing to heal it.

VestanPance

It took me seven years after my partner left me, I feel sad for all the wasted years but all I seemed to do was work and sleep.

Three things finally helped me- I took voluntary redundancy, moved house and went on holiday all within 6 months. Moving away helped as it was a house we had bought together. (I bought him out, I always wondered why I was saving my money - he just spent his and we had an identical income) I lived on my savings for a year after my redundancy payout and on holiday for the first time since the split I had a fling. I haven't looked back since.

Suspiria

Hi everyone...the advice you have given me will help me enormously,thank you! I have been out today and bought some complan as it is easy to make and to digest. If i had to cook anything i dont think i would be eating at all. I think i have been putting too much of a brave face on things and i need to let my emotions out more, and that would do me good. I feel like i am crying on the inside, if that makes sense. We didnt have any children and he has moved out of the area and both of those things make moving on so much easier than they could have been.

Scorpio33

Whatever the reasons for the split, I heard that a general rule of thumb is to be completely over someone you need to allow one month per year you were together.

Of course that is when you are ready for a new relationship. Between now & then there are several stages to go through, and things will be easier...

Foggy

I went through this but it was made easier by the fact I wanted out but I can relate all the same. The thing is, even as in my case is was obvious I could never stay with the person, it was still hard when we finally broke up.

First off there is the shock. That person is just not there anymore and a piece of you is ripped away. Your whole equilibrium is shaken as life suddenly doesn't have the safe walls that protected it for so long. Then, particularly if you were with a long time, there are all the emotional ties that have bonded over the years.

The nice memories float to the top and some what ifs set in. Then there is the realisation that it has actually happened and it's permanent is when you look at a bleak future alone. Your confidence and self esteem has taken a hit and you think you will never recover. Meeting someone again seems impossible.

Eventually you should realise that it is for the best, there is a reason why you broke up. Whether they were everything to you or you to them or it was mutual, the fact is it takes two to make a relationship work. In the worst scenario, when it's what you really want but they don't, then it can take longer but you will accept that you can't make someone the person you want them to be.

The problem is your heart is slower than your mind to accept this. Along with the doubts about your own future, the knock to your self esteem and the bitterness that may be involved, your heart eventually gets there.

I would say the best you can do is try and have some positive moments. Don't worry if you do and these are replaced by the hopelessness and misery, they come along again and you reach a point when you realise that you have moved on. Don't fight the hard times, let them make you cry, it's a process that shouldn't be surpressed.

Take care of yourself in the meantime. Your closer to a better future with every day that passess.

abitofhelp

I'm sending you a huge hug. Over 10 years ago my husband walked out and left me with two children(youngest was a baby) because he thought he wasnt happy. The sense of loss and the loss of identity i felt was unbelievable. The pain took my breath away. Happily the following year i met my lovely oh. Time is such a good healer, you will get through this petal hour by hour. I wish you luck in your future. I now thank god that my husband did leave and he was replaced by my lovely oh.

Lexxi

Suspiria wrote: »

Hi everyone...the advice you have given me will help me enormously,thank you! I have been out today and bought some complan as it is easy to make and to digest. If i had to cook anything i dont think i would be eating at all. I think i have been putting too much of a brave face on things and i need to let my emotions out more, and that would do me good. I feel like i am crying on the inside, if that makes sense. We didnt have any children and he has moved out of the area and both of those things make moving on so much easier than they could have been.

I bought Complan today too, I figured it was pointless telling you what helps if I wasn't following it myself! I'm lucky I get fed at work so I eat once a day.
I understand the crying on the inside, I have moments where I feel I could just drop to the floor and cry for hours, but I don't tend to cry. That sounds really dramatic, mine wasn't all relationship related.

There's a saying I really like but I can't remember who it's by;
Happy the man and happy he alone
He who can call today thy own
He who secure within can say
Tomorrow do thy worst for I have lived today.

It's such an eloquent way of saying thank &*$# today is over with :rotfl:(I think he and man are generic terms)

Frogletina

Lexxi wrote: »

There's a saying I really like but I can't remember who it's by;
Happy the man and happy he alone
He who can call today thy own
He who secure within can say
Tomorrow do thy worst for I have lived today.

It was written by John Dryden in 1685

Lexxi

Thanks, I have got in written down somewhere. Although I have just realised I should have googled!

notuptoyou

I just wanted to thank you for this thread. I'm going through a break up that only happened 2/3 days ago and it's destroying me.

It doesn't matter how many time you've had your heart broken, the pain is always new x:(