How to mend a brokenheart?

londonsurrey

My friend calls this the Stupid B*st*rd Diet.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You're not mad, it's unfortunately normal.

Make sure you don't forget to drink, to stay hydrated, especially if you're crying! Get a hot water bottle for bedtime, to make sure you're comfy and warm.

It will be a slow process, but you will discover silly things, like enjoying having the bathroom all to yourself (once you've cleaned it and rearranged stuff a bit), and when you get your appetite back, eating exactly what you want, when you want.

System

Time is a great healer but meanwhile, spoil yourself. Surround yourself with your family and friends and do things you love.

Throw yourself into work (if you enjoy it). Find a new interest.

clearingout

it will take as long as it takes....you have to plough through the middle of it and not try and skirt around the edges or it'll come back to bite you. As hard as it is to see it right now, it is the opportunity of a lifetime - time to 'start again' and work out where you want to be and how you're going to get there. Some people find doing things like re-arranging furniture, painting rooms in colours they weren't allowed to previously, putting away things purchased together and replacing with things you buy for yourself (even if you have to do it at car boots and charity shops - all the more fun, really!) to be very helpful. Kind of 'out with the old'...I found with eating that if I just ate what I fancied, rather than going with the usual, I at least ate something. So if you want curry for breakfast and ice cream for tea, why not?! Don't nap in the daytime or early evening, have a set bedtime and go with it, even if you're awake half the night, as your old patterns will return reasonably quickly. Finally, if you're worried about divorce, get as clued up as you can on the process - try wikivorce.com for that - it helps enormously when your ex says to you ('cos he will, I promise) that his solicitor is better than yours and his solicitor said that you're going to get nothing at all to know that this isn't the case as well as knowing exactly why it's the case.

I am sorry you're feeling so down but there are plenty of us here who have lived through it and can tell you, with absolute certainty, that there is life after divorce. It's early days - go easy on yourself.

vervin

Ahhhh lots of love , you will be fine . Look after your self xxx

lika_86

Is there anything that you used to do and enjoy but have stopped? For example, if you never watched a certain kind of film or tv show because your husband didn't like it or something, you should start doing those things again. Take the time to find who you are again without your husband, don't keep yourself too busy or around people too much, start to be yourself again, doing things you enjoy will help.

londonsurrey

I was widowed at 38. I got my eyes lasered (I felt very vulnerable wandering around alone semi blind at night) and took up bellydancing. It was hard, and there were times when I had to stop myself bursting into tears during class, but it was one of the best things I ever did.

maypole

So sorry to hear this. I can only imagine how awful you feel.

I do think however, you do need this time of sadness, if you try to cover it up by trying to be normal or jolly it will come out at some point, best let it all out now, it will take time to get over, but as others have said, that time will pass and it will get easier, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Pollycat

I too think you'll just have to give it time, it's good that you have friends to be around. Don't shut them out.

Things may be more painful if your ex is still around locally and you may bump into him or if you have children together and have to have contact.

Also, you may not want to hear this but as time goes by and you start to feel better, you may still have a wobble on certain occasions.
My friend's OH left her for someone else early in the year and she got really upset at Christmas as they'd always made a big thing of going to choose the Xmas tree together.

The following year she was fine.

I read on the Gingerbread website about making your own, new 'traditions' for special occasions.
In fact, if you are a new single Mum, the Gingerbread website is a pretty good place to look for support & advice.

Good luck.

shiny76

One of the most important things (whilst waiting for time to heal the wounds) is to keep your mind active. Whether that's seeing family/friends or piling through some box set.

There's no accounting for taste but when it happened to me I found the box sets of '24' a great distraction - typically each episode was left on a cliff hanger (albeit improbable) so you watched the next immediately. I used to go through 6 episodes per sitting (3ish hours).

Hang in there, things will get better.

VestanPance

Hope you feel better soon.

Although I come as the merchant of doom, as four years after my marriage breakup I'm still broken hearted. Time has done nothing to heal it.