Should I warn my ex's GF about him?

purple.sarah

I think it's the right decision not to contact her. She wouldn't believe you and you would look like the bad guy. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

I used to be engaged to an abusive and controlling guy. He left me for another girl he met online, which hurt at the time but was actually the best thing he ever did for me. I thought about warning her what he was really like but decided I'd just sound like the jealous jilted ex. A couple of years later the decision was taken out of my hands when a mutual 'friend' told her I'd said ex was abusive. By then she was married to him. She totally flipped and messaged everyone on my facebook friends list demanding I retract these 'lies' and threatening bogus legal action. It was ugly. After that I had no regrets about not telling her myself.

The point is, your ex's girlfriend is emotionally invested in their relationship and will react badly to you challenging it. She needs to figure things out for herself and is unlikely to listen to his ex saying anything negative about him, even though it's true. You sound like you have a good relationship and friendships now, focus on that and leave him in the past.

thorsoak

Just let things be. He is your EX - what he does now, or even did in the past, is no longer your concern.

Unless, of course you are stalking him/her/them......

mazy_m

Denial is not just a river in Egypt. - Ha ha this proper made me laugh thanks!!

Unless, of course you are stalking him/her/them......- ha ha so did this believe me I wouldn't want to I have better things to do and people to stalk like Christian Bale!!mmmm

Oh Purple.Sarah that sounds like an awful situation and you didn't put yourself in it at all...more fool her for marrying him and like you said they need to see on their own terms god I'd hate to imagine being threatened with legal action etc...she sounds like a bit of a nut too! Hope you're ok and thanks for the advice!!

Maz

bright_side

My view is that just because he treated you in a certain way does not mean he is treating her the same......people can change. Even if you had 'warned' her at the start, she wouldn't have believed you, so if it were to turn out that he is treating her badly, you have nothing to feel bad about.

I've recently discovered (via my children) that my ex is treating his now wife the same way he treated me. I feel no pleasure or remorse from that information. As far as she was concerned I was the bad guy all along and nothing I could've said all those years ago when they first got together would've changed her mind about that. We live and learn.

purple.sarah

mazy_m wrote: »

Denial is not just a river in Egypt. - Ha ha this proper made me laugh thanks!!

Unless, of course you are stalking him/her/them......- ha ha so did this believe me I wouldn't want to I have better things to do and people to stalk like Christian Bale!!mmmm

Oh Purple.Sarah that sounds like an awful situation and you didn't put yourself in it at all...more fool her for marrying him and like you said they need to see on their own terms god I'd hate to imagine being threatened with legal action etc...she sounds like a bit of a nut too! Hope you're ok and thanks for the advice!!

Maz

It was awful at the time, really brought it all up again, which was so frustrating when I hadn't said anything. But she backed down when I replied that since she'd put her allegations against me in print, signed them and sent them to witnesses, I would actually have more of a case against her! She is quite crazy, they are very well suited actually! She couldn't handle reality or anything challenging her 'happy family'. That's what convinced me it was the right decision not to interfere or get involved. I am ok now, I'm happy I could help.