Should I warn my ex's GF about him?

mazy_m

Hi all,

So this isn't a new break up we broke up in 2006 and i'll be honest at first I was a bit annoyed at this girl as she kept trying to win my boyfriend around at the time with "Presents" etc. I decided to dump him in a nice way as I was sick of all the lies etc. The whole time in our relationship he'd been speaking to one or two girls (that I know of!!) and some of the things were hurtful to hear. I also found out that he'd asked an ex to have an abortion. Was odd as around the time of year that was the anniversary of it he kept going on about us having babies... (we'd been together a year!! hmm a bit too soon!!)

Anyway when I first got with my current boyfriend my ex kinda stalked me a little funny calls etc then kept ringing me up and texting me telling me he still loved me, missed me and didn't want me out of his life and to come around and see him to sort it all out. I didn't go as it was wrong on my new man.

However I decided not to tell his new GF which I would've done (as I believe in us girls sticking together ) I know it was !!!!!y of me as I was "getting her back" for what she did to me. He also tried to control me etc tried to make me feel bad about myself...it was pretty much mental torture he was obsessed with me losing weight but I just put my foot down even more lol!!

Anyway fast forward to now and there's always been something niggling me and that's the fact I didn't tell her about this. Part of what makes it worse is that she had a beautiful figure when he first started working with her etc then when I looked at her FB as they were dating she's lost more and more weight and actually looks very ill now. I fell guilty as he tried to do this to me.

I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm debating whether or not to tell her the truth about the girls, the lies and him trying to control me so at least then i've told her and she can make up her mind about him as who knows he might have changed.

What does everyone think about this?

I know I should have done it before but I wouldn't have done it in the right way etc now i'm fine about the whole situation etc but I'll always have this guilt for not being honest. Especially if I find out he's controlling her like he tried to do to me!!

MandM90

Unfortunately at this point she'll probably just think you're bitter/jealous and ignore what you have to say anyway. I'd forget about him/them completely and get on with your life.

duchy

The moment has gone-it's far too late now.

Why are you trying to "find out" about his relationships now anyway-it's none of your business anymore and you'll just be judged as a troublemaker or a cow trying to stir things up so much later.

(I'm not saying you are-just saying how you will be viewed)

Six years is a long time

faerie~spangles

It is none of your business. Stop reading her facebook and steer clear.

What do you hope to gain by contacting her?

irishjohn

In summary
Its 6 years since you split with bf
his gf tried to steal him and succeeded
you escaped from his controlling ways re diet and his infidelity
but you took revenge on her by not telling her what she was getting into
he continued to stalk you when you moved on to new relationship
you didnt meet up because it was wrong on your new bf
you continue to stalk her by peeking at her facebook to check up on her
she looks as if she is now being controlled by him re diet
you are feeling guilty and want to fess up

advice

Talk to your bf and explain all and ask him what you should do - and I think you know the answer already?

Talk to yourself and ask if you are really over the ex or in your heart of hearts do you miss him and want him still?

Get relationship counselling - 6 years to move on is way too long

Seanymph

Guilt can drive us to do strange things - the problem is though, however guilty you feel for not saying something at the time you cannot go back and change that, you have to live with your decision.

You decided not to tell her then, so you have to just put up and shut up really - it's far too late to try and make yourself feel better by stirring it up - and for what? Presumably she now knows he's controlling and a bit nutsy, but she's choosing to be with him anyway. None of your business I'm afraid - and you can't make yourself feel better by telling her now.

FWIW I don't think that telling her would help. My exes ex said what I thought were 'terrible things' and 'lies' about him, he assured me she was a nutter, the bankruptcy was her fault etc etc - turns out I now have nothing but sympathy for her and wish I'd listened to her not him! But you don't, and she wouldn't have listened to you either.

Move on. Stop looking. It's got nothing to do with you now.

determined_new_ms

I agree the simple answer is NO! If he is controlling and they have a relationship that is domestically abusive then there's nothing you can do to "show" her anyway, she's in it and will have to wait until she is able to see it for herself. You have nothing to gain here and will only look like the bitter ex. And for all you know she might actually be ill or be going through some persona difficulties and that's why she has lost so much weight!

Just be gad that its no longer your problem and enjoy the happy relationship you have built

I'd also block both him and her from my facebook to stop myself obsessing! I've had to do that with ex-friends and truly once its out of sight its then out of mind!

Pollycat

I'd say it's none of your business.

Why are you even checking her out on facebook?

You may think she looks ill but she may be happy with the way she looks now.
Or she could really be ill and that may explain her weight loss.

Just because he controlled you doesn't mean he's doing the same to her, does it?

They've been together for 6 years, you were with him for less than that (reading between the lines).

TBH, I wouldn't even have told her 6 years ago.

Leave these 2 people alone and get on with your own life.

ikkle87

I'm sure after 6 years she will know him and what he is like by now. Also just because he wanted you to diet doesn't mean he has done the same to her, for all you know she chose to lose weight herself or may even be ill. I'd just leave them to it to be honest and focus on the here and now and YOUR relationship.

Acc72

Is your ex'es girlfriend also a friend of yours ?

If not, why is she on your facebook ?

As others have said, 6 years is a long time - delete him and her from your facebook and move on.

go_cat

Move on forget him and her !