Don't know what to do

Caroline_a

Why not change the settings..?;)

Eden1

I wouldn't know how to change the setting and even if I did he'd probably notice and change back.

Sambucus_Nigra

Eden1 wrote: »

he says he will try and spend more time with us but that has never happened to date

Try to spend more time with you? How hard can it be, exactly?

Turn the computer off. Walk into another room. There - done.

I am afraid that secrecy like this is not good. Unless he harbours a secret fascination with Ford Capris - and is ashamed of it.

Anyway - there will still be files on the computer that you can find if you really want to. Do you really want to?

Eden1

Of course I would like to find out, ideas?

Thanks for everybody's responses

pinkshoes

TALK TO HIM!

"Boyfriend. We need to talk. You've been spending so much time on the computer at the moment that me and <2 year old's name> hardly see you any more, so things need to change. Could you perhaps limit computer use to two evenings a week, and only after 7pm when <2 year old> has gone to bed".

If he says no, then tell him you're sorry, but if he's choosing the computer over you and his son, then there isn't really any point of you being a couple any more, so would he find himself somewhere else to live.

Sambucus_Nigra

Eden1 wrote: »

Of course I would like to find out, ideas?

Try googling 'how to find out what webpages have been visited' - you can search on the computer for cookies and IIRC windows also logs each webpage visited and stores it in a hidden folder.

Eden1

I had a lOng chat with him yesterday and he said he will try and spend more time with me and his son. Well let's see what happens cos if nowt changes, I don't thing I can take much more and think it will be over. I will keep you updated. Thanks

Eden1

Update, since our chat bf is spnding more time with us. He waits until I go to bed then goes on computer. he has never wanted to talk about how I feel and it feels like he's dismissed how and why I feel like I do. Not sure whether he's just spending time with us to keep the peace.

To add to everything we havent been intinate for abiut ten months. I kniw a relationship isn't based on this, it is important. Each time I've made the move, there's always a reason not to and rejection hurts so i havent tried for ages for fear of this Havent made a made a move for mnths nly time he makes a move s when he's had a drink. I av thought about an affair but don't want to go down that route as I love my bf.

Although things may be improving, I still feel unwanted, unloved and unattractive.

bluebird

Eden1 have you discovered what site he is using?

I must say i agree he's hiding something if he cannot share with you what he is doing, i often read out loud to hubby and we discuss what would we do or say about a thread.

Your man isnt being honest,now he's using the site when you go to bed.....why?
whats he doing?
this rings alarms bells to me.

Don't accept this behaviour! you are worth more than that.

BitterAndTwisted

He's promised to "try" and spend more time with you and your child? I dunno about you but that gives every impression to me that he's doing it to keep the peace rather than actually wanting to.

And now he's spending time on his comp after you've gone to bed and you've had no intimacy for nearly a year? You don't need a PhD to be able to figure this one out, do you? It really all depends on whether you're going to be happy playing second fiddle to his right hand long-term or not.