Don't know what to do

Eden1

Hi

I am at the end of my tether and just don't know what to do?

I have been living with my partner for 3 years now and we have a young 2 yr old son. Both my partner and I work full time and when he is not at work he is on his computer. He is part of another forum where he helps out where he can however I feel he is over friendly with some of the female users and it appears he gives them more attention than me. I don't want to sound jealous as I'm not but it seems to have taken over his life and he just can't see it.

I love him very much and want to stay together but he is pushing me away and I feel like we are strangers.

I am trying to think of our young son, who barely sees him now as he's too busy on his computer.

I just don't know what to do, if it carries on much longer, I can see us splitting up, maybe thats what he wants, although when I have put that to him, he says he loves me and wants to be with me.

I have discussed my concerns with him and he says he will try and spend more time with us but that has never happened to date

Thank you

Dunroamin

Was he like this before the baby was born?

Eden1

No, he was very attentive, he has changed within the last year when he joined the other forums

flutterby_lil

What type of forum?

Eden1

I'm unsure as he doesn't talk about it much, think it might be to do with cars as he's into cars.

MandM90

It's strange that he spends hours on a forum today and hasn't even mentioned what it is about!

Why not tell him that you are at the end of your tether and ask if he'll agree to a limit on his internet use? Perhaps no computer on Sunday, or from 5-7 (at least!) on week days so you can have family time?

Longships

You say you feel he is over friendly with some of the female users but you don't know what the forum is about?

I would talk to him about it and show an interest in what way he was able to help some of the forum users and as MandM90 suggests put it to him that you make Sunday a family day and get away from the house so that he can't spend so much time on the computer.

Eden1

Ive tried to show interest but he just says I wouldn't be interested and opens a different google page when I'm around. I have asked him to limit time so we can share some time together as a family and he agrees then says he has stuff he needs to do. That makes me suspicious that he is hiding something but can't prove anything unless I start reading emails, texts messages etc but don't want to go that far.

thehappybutterfly

He opens a Google page when you're around? That would certainly set my alarm bells ringing. What on earth can he be talking about on a ruddy car forum that you're not allowed to see? Hmmm, I'd be very suspicious. I spend a lot of time on this forum and I don't like it when my hubby reads over my shoulder but only because I think that's quite rude behaviour but I don't flick to another page.

If he was doing the real life equivalent of posting on a forum, i.e. going out to a club to meet people with similar interests, I'm sure you'd want to know who, what, where, when and why. Why should an online forum be any different?

Well, if he won't spend more time with you and the little one, I guess you'll just have to spend more time with him and his "interests". See if that'll make him spend a little less time on them....

Janey3

I'm afraid I would be looking into his internet history, or is a lappie and it never leaves his side?

Eden1

Ihe does leave his laptop around however it is set up so it clears history when closed down.