Confused by feelings for a man

Miss_Pixie

I split from a long term relationship early last year and I've not had a date since.

I'm on another forum and a group of people met up. I'd never met any of them in real life before. There was a man there and I thought he was gorgeous. We chatted a bit but I didn't say anything as I wasn't alone with him and didn't seem appropriate with a group there!

Couldn't stop thinking about him afterwards so I sent him a message on facebook saying I liked him. He said he was flattered and we chatted a bit on there and then swapped mobile phone numbers and have been chatting by text. It's progressed from chatting to rather flirty texts and he keeps saying we should meet up again. However when I ask when he becomes distant and vague and says he'll get back to me and never does.

I kept chatting by text with him but everytime feelings or meeting up are mentioned he goes vague again, so I thought perhaps he wasn't interested in me. I thought I'd leave him alone to see what happened, but he keeps initiating text chats, so I thought maybe he liked me after all.

Was confused so I sent him a lengthy email a few days ago explaining exactly how I felt and told him I'd fallen for him and wanted to get to know him better. He hasn't replied to that and says he needs time to think about it and consider his reply.

He's since kept starting text conversations with me, then today we were chatting and he said I needed a bloke and should register on a dating site and find someone. That hurt like hell when he said that.

I know his long term relationship broke up a few months before mine did and wondered if he is maybe wary of getting involved with someone again, so maybe that explains he behaviour. Or maybe he just likes playing games with stupid females who fall for his texts.

I don't really know what to think anymore and I'm just looking for an outsiders point of view to help me make sense of how I feel.

*max*

1/ He's married or has a girlfriend is possibility number 1.
2/ Possibility number 2: he was flattered and enjoyed the attention, but had no particular desire to take it further. Sending him a "lengthy email" basically asking for a relationship and declaring your love when you have met him once...that was incredibly full-on and a little scary, I must say. Telling you he had to think about it was probably his way of letting you down gently.

Keeping in contact with you after that is rather mean though, he's been stringing you along - I suspect it's an ego thing.

Don't contact him again. If he wants to see you, he'll contact you.

Gorgeous_But_Grumpy

If he needs time to think about it and consider his reply, you need to just wait and see what he says. He clearly isn't as sure as you are.
Be guided by his words and you should be able to work out what exactly he wants and go from there.
Take care

Gorgeous_But_Grumpy

*max* wrote: »

Don't contact him again. If he wants to see you, he'll contact you.

I agree, you have told him you are interested, now it is his turn.

Just be careful you do not come across as too eager, I would hate for him to take advantage of that fact and end up hurting you.

Miss_Pixie

*max* wrote: »

Sending him a "lengthy email" basically asking for a relationship and declaring your love when you have met him once...that was incredibly full-on and a little scary, I must say.

I didn't do that though as I agree that would be scary. I don't want that and I don't know if I do love him. It's too early to say and we've not had enough contact for me to decide that yet.

I said I was falling for him and wanted to get to know him better.

Gorgeous_But_Grumpy

Sorry, just reread your opening post. Have you only ever been chatting with him via email/messaging/texts, other than the occasion you met up? If that is the case, then it suggests he may have someone else in his life, such as a girlfriend or wife!

mynameistallulah

He's just not that into you.

*max*

You first said you'd told him you "wanted to be with him", although I see you've edited that now, fair enough.

Still, telling him you were falling for him and discussing your feelings for him at that point, after only one meeting in a large group - that was very full-on, and much too eager, you have to admit.

Seriously, just wait and see, but don't pin too much hope on this. Above all, don't contact him, and try not to torture yourself with what-ifs, although I know it's easier said than done.

maryroberts

My first reaction on reading your first post is that he has someone else in his life - you say that his long term relationship ended before yours did, but that seems to be a while ago, so he has had plenty of time to get involved with someone else.

In my humble experience, men seem to enjoy the attention of women even if they are in a relationship - how involved they want to get depends on a number of factors, such as the state of their own relationship, if they have one.

I agree with the others - give him time to respond.

Grumpygit

I'd say that he's married or has a long term gf and is enjoying the attention and the thrill of having someone being flirty with him

My oh has done this and I know that it was the thrill that he enjoyed.

keep your distance and if you do believe that he's single, then wait for him to make moves and suggestions re meeting up - but if you do meet up - suggest somewhere busy and see if he tries to stage it in the middle of nowhere - which to me would indicate that he doesn't want to be seen out with another woman.

Emmzi

you've been too full on. leave him be.