Help how to deal with a difficult teacher

ALIBOBSY

OK long story. We had a couple of incidents with DD1's teacher, but I thought we had put them behind us and hadn't made any kind of official complaint as we wanted to let sleeping dogs lie so to speak.

DD1 cam hoem after easter to say they were starting swimming sessions the following week and someone from the leisure centre had been in to chat to them about it.

In passing she said they were told they wouldn't be allowed to have a shower after swimming. I told her she had probably miss understood and that they probably meant not to have a full lather up/shampoo type shower, but it was essential she rinse out her eyes and the chlorine off her skin and she could have a full shower later at home (as they wear swim hats no need to wash hair really).

So next week after the swimming she comes home with red and itchy eyes that she said were very sore after lunch (swimming was in the morning) as they were told by the class teacher no shower just dry off and get on the coach quickly.
So I rang school about this and as the head answered I spoke to her about it and she said she would check and call me back.

I also contacted the manager at the leisure centre and he assured me policy was that the children must rinse off, but for time not to have a full blown/wash hair/shampoo etc. He had spoken to the swimming teacher who had agreed she perhaps could be a bit clearer in how they put this matter across and would ensure it was sorted.

The head rang back and said much the same and assured me DD1 would have a shower to rinse out her eyes etc from then on. I said I was a bit concerned that DD1 might be singled out, but she said straight away no Mrs A I agree with you all the class need to rinse off.

So yesterday DD1 comes home red eyes sore and itchy and she said at lunchtime when she looked in the mirror in the toilet her left eye was red and swollen underneath. As, you guessed it no shower again.

Now to be fair DD1 did say they had been cleaners in the shower area, but that the class teacher didn't even give them a chance to ask about showers as she just wooshed them past and told them to dry quickly and get out to the coach.

So I rang school and unfortunately the head is away on school camp till next mon, but they said we will check if Mrs X is still here (they sounded doubtful she would be even though it was only 3.40 ish).

Mrs X came on the phone and to say I was shocked and upset by her attitude and tone is an understantement.

She insisted that the children had never showered afterswimming and it wasn’t a problem. However DS went swimming with the same schoolonly a couple of years ago and tells me they were told (rightly) that they hadto shower to rinse off the chlorine etc. after swimming.

She said if DD1 asks for a shower she could have one.When I said I didn’t want her to be singled out and that it was a healthissue that ALL the children had a shower, she insisted that I can only commenton DD1's position and it wasn’t an issue. In fact when I suggested it washer responsibility to take care of the health of the children in her care shereacted very badly and started going on about her many years in teaching and her vast experience and I had no right to commentetc. etc.

I told her I in no way was questioning her teaching ability,when she became quite angry and very dismissive of the whole matter. WhenI said it was a health issue and that worldwide most health authorities stateall persons should shower after swimming she said it wasn’t school or council policy to havea shower and that all the school in this area are the same no showers after swimming lessons. Then in a really sacastic tone she said “perhaps you could make it your personal crusade to get thatchanged”.

I pointed out that both the local authority and the manager at the leisure centre had confirmed to me their policy is that all persons especially children shower after swimming, she said she didn’t know about that,but insisted it wasn’t policy regarding school swimming lessons and that the children had never showered after swimming.
She went on to say that the showers were being cleaned todayanyway so the children couldn’t shower. Whilst I accept this was not herfault when I said in that case I would expect her to have found out how longthe cleaning would take and either wait or ask the staff to come out to let them shower and finish cleaning later, she said she “didn’t know the policy onthat” and didn’t know if she could speak to the staff and that she wouldn't do that.

To be honest by the end of the call she sounded very angry and came across as though it was my problem and a non-issue.

She seemed to suggest it was up to DD1 to ask for a shower and that I had “no right to speak for the other parents of children in the class”.

Despite me reassuring her I was not in any way suggesting she is not a good teacher she seemed to take the whole conversation as apersonal insult and was defensive from the start. Her tone was condesending and more and more sarcastic.
Both DD1 and I are now very concerned that she will takeout her anger on DD1 and she will be singled out in class and at swimming.

I was extremely upset about how she spoke to me when I wastrying to have a calm discussion over an important matter with her. She simply wasn't interested in anything I had to say and whilst I stayed calm and spoke quitely she got more and more worked up.
I feel she was suggesting as no other parents are bothered Ishould basically shut up and go away. I suspect the truth is most parentseither don’t know or have the very British disease where we just put up withthings and moan to themselves.
Mrs X at one point started going on about how she had other children with asthma and other conditions to deal with (I am notsure in what context she mentioned this-did she mean sore eyes are the least of her worries?), I replied that it is even moreimportant for those with asthma and skin conditions to shower and again sheinsisted I could only make comments about DD1.

She has really upset me and I am very concerned that this will have a direct effect on my daughters education. It feels like if she isn’teven able to have a reasonable discussion over something like this that Iwouldn’t be able to approach her over any more serious matters.

I even cried afterwards as she made me feel like the proverbial “naughty child” in the way she talked down to me and she made mefeel like all school will be talking about DD1’s moaning mum.

Her outright lies about policy have really upset me. I have clarified with the leisure centre and the council and this clearly is not policy and in fact is the opposite. DD1 also has 2 friends in the same age group in the same year and the next nearest school who swim on a different morning at the same leisure centre and they are clearly told they must rinse out their eyes and shower AFTER the lesson-so much for all the schools not having showers.

My sister is a teacher and she suggested Mrs X may be one of these teachers who has been teaching for so long they think they can do what they like and are untouchable. But all I am concerned with is DD1 , mind you at least she only has till July with Mrs X. I am also concerned that we have 2 more daughter one who is due to start in sept at this school and I would hate for this to effect them.

In some ways I think perhaps I should have just toed the party line and kept my mouth shut .

Ali x

Taadaa

I would call the school and inform them that until this issue is resolved your DD will not be participating in swimming lessons. And at the same time, make an appointment for when the head returns. Ask them to clarify the policy and if he re-affirms what you were told on the telephone, ask him why this teacher is contradicting it.

If you feel so inclined, mention the way that she spoke to you - although to be honest, it could have been a one off as you haven't mentioned what the other incidents were (ie she was hacked off after a hard day, you were feeling more sensitive/tired, whatever).

In future if you don't like the tone of her voice, tell her. She may not realise she is doing it - some people don't. If she persists, politely end the conversation and take it up with the head of year or head teacher.

Desperado99

I think that you were absolutley right to phone in, especially as your DD has complained of itchy eyes afterwards.

Then in a really sacastic tone she said “perhaps you could make it your personal crusade to get thatchanged”.

I'm the kind of obtuse person that would take that as a challenge . As you haven't got an adequate response from her I would take it up with the head when they return.

Taadaa

One thing I would add though - I can completely understand why you don't think your daughter should have to ask to have a shower. All of the children should be told or at least offered the opportunity to rinse off. Any child that has had a problem afterwards should assume that they can shower without having to make special arrangements and ask. I find that pools these days are really heavily chlorinated, and after rinsing off I still stink of it.

It is your right to speak to anyone you please, but I wouldn't be a spokesperson for the other parents, as it may have come across to the teacher. You usually find when speaking to others their response is 'you are right, someone should do/say something'....meaning someone else. Let them fight their own battles.

scooby088

Can't really see the problem with showering, the showers aren't really normally a mile away from the pool area and will only take a few minutes anyway. I would ring the school again when the headteacher is back and make an appointment and voice your concerns with regards to this teacher. Has any other child complained about sore eyes?

mazza111

While I agree that all the children should be showering after swimming, your concern has to be your daughter. Have you considered buying her a pair of goggles for swimming, even rinsing off doesn't get the chlorine out your eyes if you're sensitive to it. Due to my DD skin condition, she was singled out (her and another lass) always got out the pool 5 minutes before everyone else and had a full shower.

If you feel you are getting no where with this teacher, speak to her head instead. Might get somewhere then.

rpc

I'd write to the school, the governers and the LEA and explain events and ask them to state their policy on showers.

I used to work as a lifeguard and, despite the chlorine, pool water can get fairly dirty at times and it takes a while for the pumps to filter that out. Especially when there are a lot of kids in the water... A rinse afterwards is a basic hygiene measure.

sassyblue

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

She has really upset me and I am very concerned that this will have a direct effect on my daughters education

That's a bit OTT, you're concerned about her whole education from this argument?

Complain to the head in writing and make it known the reason for your complaint is not the issue per se, but her attitude when you spoke. She probably thinks she is untouchable, it's your job now to make sure she knows she isn't.

If she does single your daughter out, that's something l would go ballistic about - to the teachers face.

ALIBOBSY

sassyblue wrote: »

That's a bit OTT, you're concerned about her whole education from this argument?

Complain to the head in writing and make it known the reason for your complaint is not the issue per se, but her attitude when you spoke. She probably thinks she is untouchable, it's your job now to make sure she knows she isn't.

If she does single your daughter out, that's something l would go ballistic about - to the teachers face.

Just to add for further info I emailed the head after the call expecting to speak to her next week, but the deputy head called and I am going to see him this afternoon.

TBH the worry is more from a threat this teacher made to OH at the first incident.

Basically DD1 came home in tears saying the teacher had, had a reall go at a few of them for not returning a permission slip for a food tasting thing they were doing. I checked the letter again and as I remebered it said if your child has an allergiy please complete the slip below to let us know. Nothing about filling it in for permission or if they had no allergies on the letter or the slip.

Because I was upset that DD1 was upset I wrote on the back of the slip that I hadn't signed it sooner as the original letter was badly worded and wasn't clear that if the child had no allergies it still needed returning.

The following day DD1 came out and as her Dad picked her up told him Mrs X wanted to see him.
She was immediately quite aggresive and told Oh that I must be a very rude and agressive person (I have spoken to her a number of time and have never been rude or aggresive and she knows me). She said lets put this behind us now as "I would hate for this to effect the good relationship I have with DD1".

Oh was shocked so just nodded, grabbed DD1 and left. He definately felt the last sentence was meant as a threat, but we decided we would be better just to put it behind us as we didn't want any more trouble.

A while later we had parents day. Her face fell when we walked up and the atmosphere was a bit awkward, but we kept talking and smiling and things seemed to go well, DD1 got a good report and I thought all was sorted. Then just before we left she said the class were going on a day trip and there wuld be letter going out later that week and in a sarcastic tone she said "it will have a permission slip which will need signing and returning to school". We just nodded and went and i wondered if I heard it right, but OH's first words in the car were did you noticed the dig about the permission slip at the end? So I know it wasn't me miss understanding her. Again I excused it assuming she was just getting a last dig in and as DD1 wasn't having problems with her decide to leave it.


DD1 only has her to July so at least doesn't have long to go with her, but I have DD2 starting at this school in sept and DD3 is only 2 yet, but will follow on.

Ali x

ALIBOBSY

mazza111 wrote: »

While I agree that all the children should be showering after swimming, your concern has to be your daughter. Have you considered buying her a pair of goggles for swimming, even rinsing off doesn't get the chlorine out your eyes if you're sensitive to it. Due to my DD skin condition, she was singled out (her and another lass) always got out the pool 5 minutes before everyone else and had a full shower.

If you feel you are getting no where with this teacher, speak to her head instead. Might get somewhere then.

They were told they couldn't have goggles without a note from the doctor, but I will ask to see if this is possible. TBH she swims with us quite a bit and doesn't use goggles and just showers-never had a issue before. So its the non rinsing thats the irritant. Plus I have asthma and she had bits of excema as a child so I really feel she needs to rinse off. TBH I have never heard of children being told anything but to shower after swimming-usually its the opposite.
This is now more an issue about the teachers attitude than the actual showering itself.

Ali x

gonzo127

although i have no specific help on this subject i just wanted to voice my feelings that you have to do what is right and can not be put of by underhand threats of how much is will rock the boat, something i would suggest is to write down all your current 'issues and concerns' with comments on when,who and what has been spoken about, the other is to the speak to other pupils parents about their feeling on not showering after swimming and any other issues you have.

and dont think you are alone, i am currently going through something simular and having spoken to a other parents about some problems we have been having with our school and have found its a common thing, so we have got together as a group of parents (usual meet up at a pub in the evening and talk through everything) but having taken it up with the head and hit a brick wall - my staff would never do something like this, your children ALL must be lieing!, and the goveners having been as much use as a chocolate fireguard, we have now voted people from our group into the parent goveners postitions and are due to vote in the other goveners shortly that are more likely to work with us than just dismissing us